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His way or no way!

(21 Posts)
Dizzywhore Sat 01-Apr-17 20:53:44

Every single time I try and talk to my husband about home investments, new furniture, new car (which I need) new beds, (DD desperately needs) he just says no, gets a look of, I'm not talking about this anymore and get the arse ache if i dare to mention it again. I work full time to so it's not "his" money.
I feel like I'm a child asking my parents for things not husband and wife trying to have a conversation! I'm not someone who spends a lot of money, far from it. I never buy things for myself. Doesn't bother me. But I do feel like I need to, let him know if I want to spend more then about £50 on something.
Is this normal?

Holly3434 Sat 01-Apr-17 20:57:11

A child's bed and a car are a must spend asap. I'd tell him yes we are talking about this and yes we are buying a bed. What's our budget and let's look to spend it. Like it or not your DD needs a bed. Spell it out for him

highinthesky Sat 01-Apr-17 20:58:23

Well it sounds like it's normal for your DH!

In an ideal world, couples would have joint objectives and that would include agreeing about what you will spend on. What you've described doesn't sound like a partnership!

xStefx Sat 01-Apr-17 21:08:50

Hello :-) After my half of the bills get paid I just spend what I like. I don't bother to tell dh (as he can be a bit tight too) till I've already bought it, some things just " appear" in the house smile
If he is a bit of a moaner about spending money is there anyway you can just do the same and just buy stuff anyway and ignore him? I understand if you need him to contribute then you may need to force a conversation somehow but if it's your money your spending can't you just do it anyway. He may moan but should soon get the hint . My dp pulls a face now when I buy something, I just laugh and he gets over it. Come to think about it my dad is a bit the same and my mum just ignores him too x

Holly3434 Sat 01-Apr-17 21:16:07

Xstefx that'll be exactly what he's after. These are household items so yep in a nutshell he should pay half and not moan about it.

LovelyBath77 Sat 01-Apr-17 21:21:54

Why don't you just go ahead and buy it? Maybe just do that instead of discussing it.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 01-Apr-17 21:23:48

Holly3434 exactly - it doesn't make sense that OP should have to pay the whole cost of the bed, as though DD were a little hobby her mum does in her spare time instead of the child of both of them. And a new car is a major purchase that partners should consult each other about even if one of them does just happen to have enough cash lying about (rare IME).

Smeaton Sat 01-Apr-17 21:24:38

Instead of,
"I think we need a new bed for DD"
Say,
"I'm buying DD a new bed"
Then go buy one.

HeavenlyEyes Sat 01-Apr-17 21:26:52

I don't know why you are having to ask in the first place. But he sounds like a prick. You are with him why I wonder?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 01-Apr-17 21:56:11

If you have a joint account, just buy it.

If you don't then put a bigger of the regular bills onto him and then buy it.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 01-Apr-17 21:56:30

Bigger share

ImperialBlether Sat 01-Apr-17 21:58:06

Do you have a joint account? Does he buy things for himself?

SandyY2K Sat 01-Apr-17 22:50:54

What's stopping you from going out to buy the bed for your DD?

Voice0fReason Sat 01-Apr-17 22:51:01

If you need stuff and he refuses to talk about it I would just go and buy it.

nicenewdusters Sat 01-Apr-17 22:58:42

Just buy it. Why does he think he's in charge of the finances?

wobblywonderwoman Sat 01-Apr-17 23:02:31

I would just buy the bed too. He is being right and that isn't on.

PollytheDolly Sat 01-Apr-17 23:06:40

Joint account, both buy what we want, when we want (within reason and knowing our budget) We discuss home stuff as we like to choose together. I buy all sorts and never get questioned and I never question tools and random car parts I have to collect from the post office hmm

Obsidian77 Sat 01-Apr-17 23:07:26

Yeah, I'd tell him DD needs a new bed. You'll be spending x amount on it from your joint account (if you have one) or he needs to transfer you half the cost if you don't.
Even if you didn't work full time it wouldn't be ok for him to control your household's spending in such a pissy manner.

tallwivglasses Sat 01-Apr-17 23:12:15

In your position? I'd buy what I could second hand, see if I couldn't pretend I'd bought it new, then pocket the rest for the get-out fund. Meanwhile google financial abuse.

AcrossthePond55 Sat 01-Apr-17 23:32:51

No, it isn't normal. Do you have joint or separate finances?

DH and I discuss major purchases, but it's more to be sure that the other one hasn't earmarked funds for something or there isn't a big expenditure coming up, like car service or such.

I think he's being very financially controlling.

Chloe84 Sun 02-Apr-17 10:01:42

It's not normal.

I think large purchases should be joint decisions, but if he won't co-operate, send him a link to the car and bed you want to buy. Tell him he has 48 hours in which to suggest alternatives for you to consider or you will go ahead with the purchase.

Assume you share finances so cost of your car will come out of your joint money?

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