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Is this due to depression?

(26 Posts)
sillywoman12 Sat 01-Apr-17 19:58:53

Hi all,

Posted before but nothing like this. My partner is suffering from moderate depression and seems to be going through a reoccurring cycle. Alots happened back and forth in our relationship and only identified this recently. He's told me that he can't seem to get past my imperfections such as the way I walk and sit and apparently is making his moods be effected by this. He says he's tired of keeping telling me to keep my posture good etc. My question is, is this the depression talking? He says he doesn't think he can live a life with me because of my appearance and habits. Now I don't know if I should walk away for good or support him and stay because it may be a bad patch? I know I need to sort my posture out it isn't the best so will do this but does depression make you make someone else feel insecure? I feel very low right now and that I will never be loved because I don't have the appearance to be loved. He's saying cruel stuff now but last week was very much in love. We don't live together but when we're together it's fine it's when we're away it's bad. How do you support and make a relationship work with this illness?

rumred Sat 01-Apr-17 20:03:17

He sounds unkind as well as depressed. If it's making you feel bad then you need to work out if it's worth it. Can you discuss with a trusted friend?

Noone is perfect. Not you, not him. Don't let depression blind you to poor behaviour - I say this as someone who suffers with it but knows I can also behave badly, and the depression is no excuse

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 01-Apr-17 20:07:01

You can be depressed without blaming other people for it. It sounds like he is blaming you. This is a horrible way for you to live, and will grind you down until you are deeply unhappy if it carries on. Please think about whether this relationship has a future for you.

sillywoman12 Sat 01-Apr-17 20:11:50

sad he does blame me saying he is fine when I'm not around but when he sees me he gets annoyed because I'm not sorting myself out.he was being horrible a few weeks ago and I drove down to his and we sorted it out and has happened a more times since but this time was more difficult. He had a reason why he wants out now being he can't basically stand the sight of me but I didn't wanna walk away knowing if it's the depression speaking or not. I've tried to read up on it but getting mixed answers. There was another girl involved but she's no longer involved but I feel he loved her image and my personality but the looks are a bigger thing for him

Garnethair Sat 01-Apr-17 20:16:10

Walk away OP. You don't need this.

YorkieDorkie Sat 01-Apr-17 20:43:35

LTB. Like his shit doesn't stink hmm.

sillywoman12 Sat 01-Apr-17 20:58:32

Why does it feel so bad to do it and how will I? I've had all sorts thrown at respect.cheating.mental and physical abuse yet I'm stupid to still be here and keep finding excuses in his behaviour. No wonder he's walked all over me but I can't seem to stop myself getting sucked into his words

Afterthestorm Sat 01-Apr-17 21:00:14

Depression doesn't make you hate everything there is that makes up the person you love, no. It looks like you are looking for an excuse not to leave.

Imaginesthat Sat 01-Apr-17 21:05:24

Please walk away this made me feel so sad

CupOfJoe Sat 01-Apr-17 21:20:35

My DP left me about a month ago because his depression didn't allow him to see the good in our relationship, he only saw the bad and built it up in his mind to be much worse than it was.

It utterly broke my heart. But even though I know that he was "wrong" and his perspective skewed, I couldn't go back - I wouldn't want to live every day wondering if he was going to wake up one day and walk away because he could only see the bad.

Leave, OP, everyone deserves to be with someone who makes them feel secure.

sillywoman12 Sat 01-Apr-17 21:24:02

It makes me feel sad too. My confidence has shattered and I don't want to get out the house till I sort myself out. I dropped a large amount of weight in a short time when he first broke up and we've been on and off for a year since now. I know my appearance isn't what it used to be and I don't feel like I'm beautiful anymore whereas before I never cared what anyone thought of me. I feel in the process of me trying to help him I've ended up damaging myself. I have no social media because of him anymore and a handful of friends. Haven't been on a night out in years as he didn't like me too. This isn't a pity message I just can't make sense of what's happened and how I've let myself go from a happy person who wasn't brought down by anymore to letting my whole life revolve around a guy who says he don't be happy without me but can't be happy with me either

CupOfJoe Sat 01-Apr-17 21:30:39

The thing that is helping me the most at the moment is spending a lot of time with friends and family, and counselling.

It's utterly shattering OP but it will get better, I promise! You say that you used to be a happy person - you are still that person!

sillywoman12 Sat 01-Apr-17 21:38:45

I can't even be around family and friends much..I laughed at a joke the other day and my grandmother said thank god something made you smile..and this was when things were okay between me and my partner (well ex) I'm struggling everything while he's gone now and being so cold and that's not fair on anyone

highinthesky Sat 01-Apr-17 21:39:20

Ltb and let him deal with his depression alone. There's no point in you both being depressed.

Soozikinzii Sat 01-Apr-17 21:46:32

There's no point in you staying in the relationship.Ask yourself what am I getting out of this ? Please xx

sillywoman12 Sat 01-Apr-17 21:49:55

I guess I was just hoping things would change eventually and all be okay

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 01-Apr-17 21:53:18

Things will only be OK when you break up and block him, never see or speak to him again. Then you can start to get back to your old self.

pocketsaviour Sat 01-Apr-17 22:10:23

My question is, is this the depression talking?

No, it's a twat talking.

It sounds like your family are equally unsupportive of you which may have led you to expect such shitty treatment.

sillywoman12 Sat 01-Apr-17 22:21:51

He's very good at talking his way back in.everytime he said it's over and I would move on he would get himself back in and get his dad etc to talk to me too and promise me the world only to take it away again. My family have been a blessing they don't deserve the treatment they've been there for me when I need them. It's me who's at fault with them

user1483387154 Sat 01-Apr-17 22:30:58

Obviously I can only speak from my own experiences and that of family and friends, but NO depression does not cause you to behave in such a disgusting way to other people.
Depression is difficult from the person who suffers with it and their loved ones, however there is lots of help available from medications to counselling. There is no excuse for the way he is treating you.

sillywoman12 Sat 01-Apr-17 23:04:18

He hasn't started his counselling sessions yet as it was a recent diagnosis and isn't ready to take medication (even I'm not too sure about that) so hasn't resolved or started treatment for the depression yet

Offred Sat 01-Apr-17 23:32:42

The important thing for you is how this relationship makes you feel.

I have been out of the most horrendous relationship for about a month and I recognise much of what you say about how being with someone who makes you feel horrible can affect your self worth/esteem.

All I can really advise is you should leave him, if you do it will be horrible because you will likely have to make some effort to bring yourself into reality and out of the world he has controlled but it will get better quicker than you expect, especially if you get the right support.

If you stay you will continue living in the world as he sees it and within his rules for you but you will be increasingly damaged and you won't be able to get any support to help.

He is being a cruel controlling abusive twat IMO. Whether that is because he is depressed or whether he is just an abusive twat that has also got depression is immaterial. This is the pattern now - him abusing you in order to make himself feel better and if you stay with him this will be your life for the duration of the relationship because once someone crosses that boundary into abuse it is highly unlikely they will ever change. He is doing it because he feels entitled to. Even if he gets treatment for depression there will not be any treatment re his feelings of entitlement to abuse you.

ferando81 Sun 02-Apr-17 00:10:09

Posture??God he sounds like Hal's mate in the film Shallow Hal.

twattymctwatterson Sun 02-Apr-17 00:29:13

I don't even think he's depressed. It just sounds like an excuse to make you his emotional punchbag

sillywoman12 Sun 02-Apr-17 00:33:15

sad I honestly thought today that maybe this isn't him talking it's the depression as he's not himself but it seems like it is him from these replies...they are helping though it's just getting myself strong enough to know my worth which is sad in itself. I am starting gym again next week and changing my diet. I'm going to try and plan something at least every Saturday so I start rebuilding my social life. Yes my posture as I slouch and my left shoulders very slightly raised and head tilts but no one will ever notice that. He only knows as I went chiropractor and they told me that. He points out my facial flaws as apparently my nose has become bent over last few years and lips and eyes sunk in. So my lip is skinny and eyes not as big and bold. I do blame the weight lost for some of that but eyes due to my feelings. I'm one of those girls where if I'm happy it shows on my face and it glow but if not it also shows even if I put make up on

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