I am desperate for some advice. I am 46 and my partner is 47. We have been together since 2000 and have a 14 yr old daughter. Our sex life as slowly dwindled off for perhaps the last 10 yrs. The last 5 years down to around 4 times a year. I have tried talking about this calmly and sometimes Ive been more irrational. I feel I never get a proper explanation. Sometimes hes unaware its been so long or he finds it awkward with a teenager around. We did try and work around having teenager around. And it worked for a while but last few years it feels as though he would just rather not bother. Lately Ive really started to press for answers. Hes admitted that he can live without it...hes actually never really needed it. He dosnt think there is a problem and that I overeact.
If he doesn't think it's a problem then he's probably not willing to go to the docs about it? Maybe suggest this to him and if he doesn't bother then you need to think about whether you can live this way for the rest of your life or not. I know I couldn't especially if he isn't bothered about how you feel about it and try and make an effort at least
Op, I've been where you are it's soul destroying. I had to end it. He couldn't / wouldn't think about or consider my feelings. Those feelings turned to questions..... What's the point? What is the relationship for? Can I be me, in this relationship?
Sorry not much help. You need to do some soul searching.....
Been there, done that, and it so difficult. Ask yourself if you can spend the next 30 years like this. If yes, then fine. If not then you need to sit him down and ask him to help you find a solution - this any involve you taking a lover, breaking up the marriage, or seeking counselling.
I'm really not sure what any person is meant to do who genuinely doesn't want or need sex? Do they HAVE to have sex just because the other person wants it? It's a rotten situation for both parties. I know of several friends whose partners no longer want intimacy. Some have separated from their partners whereas others have just reasoned that the relationship, on the whole, is a good one and losing their home, partner and perhaps up rooting their children is too high a price to pay for sex. He has said he is just not that bothered - he can't force himself to be interested unfortunately and that is probably not likely to change. The decision of whether to stay together or not is now yours. I guess you need to base that on how good your relationship is in other areas. It's a tough one that so many people find themselves in and you have a difficult decision to make.
If one person really hasn't got the urge not much you can do, but they do need to acknowledge the impact it has in their partner, and hopefully discuss it. That's the absolute minimum. They could go to their go and discuss it too.