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sexless relationship

(12 Posts)
gillianatkinson1 Sat 01-Apr-17 17:44:44

I am desperate for some advice. I am 46 and my partner is 47. We have been together since 2000 and have a 14 yr old daughter. Our sex life as slowly dwindled off for perhaps the last 10 yrs. The last 5 years down to around 4 times a year. I have tried talking about this calmly and sometimes Ive been more irrational. I feel I never get a proper explanation. Sometimes hes unaware its been so long or he finds it awkward with a teenager around. We did try and work around having teenager around. And it worked for a while but last few years it feels as though he would just rather not bother. Lately Ive really started to press for answers. Hes admitted that he can live without it...hes actually never really needed it. He dosnt think there is a problem and that I overeact.

MegaClutterSlut Sat 01-Apr-17 18:44:28

If he doesn't think it's a problem then he's probably not willing to go to the docs about it? Maybe suggest this to him and if he doesn't bother then you need to think about whether you can live this way for the rest of your life or not. I know I couldn't especially if he isn't bothered about how you feel about it and try and make an effort at least

gamerchick Sat 01-Apr-17 18:47:51

You need to decide if it's a deal breaker or not. It would be for me. There's so much sex life ahead of you yet.

Frank talking needed and the score laid out in front of him then take it from there.

Ginandpanic Sat 01-Apr-17 18:48:27

No intimacy and not able to communicate makes for a pretty lonely marriage.

It sounds like you've tried to address it and he knows you're upset about but he's not listening to you or he doesn't care.

I'd be giving that all some serious thought.

Forwardsforwards Sat 01-Apr-17 22:21:24

Op, I've been where you are it's soul destroying.
I had to end it. He couldn't / wouldn't think about or consider my feelings.
Those feelings turned to questions.....
What's the point? What is the relationship for? Can I be me, in this relationship?

Sorry not much help. You need to do some soul searching.....

NotTheFordType Sun 02-Apr-17 01:16:38

Hes admitted that he can live without it...hes actually never really needed it. He dosnt think there is a problem and that I overeact.

So presumably if he doesn't care about sex, he's okay with you getting it somewhere else?

LellyMcKelly Sun 02-Apr-17 04:35:24

Been there, done that, and it so difficult. Ask yourself if you can spend the next 30 years like this. If yes, then fine. If not then you need to sit him down and ask him to help you find a solution - this any involve you taking a lover, breaking up the marriage, or seeking counselling.

heyday Sun 02-Apr-17 05:04:20

I'm really not sure what any person is meant to do who genuinely doesn't want or need sex? Do they HAVE to have sex just because the other person wants it? It's a rotten situation for both parties. I know of several friends whose partners no longer want intimacy. Some have separated from their partners whereas others have just reasoned that the relationship, on the whole, is a good one and losing their home, partner and perhaps up rooting their children is too high a price to pay for sex. He has said he is just not that bothered - he can't force himself to be interested unfortunately and that is probably not likely to change. The decision of whether to stay together or not is now yours. I guess you need to base that on how good your relationship is in other areas. It's a tough one that so many people find themselves in and you have a difficult decision to make.

Iris65 Sun 02-Apr-17 05:09:33

My arriage lasted 20 years. 15 of those were without any sex. I tried everything but ended up leaving. Its very sad.

Ginandpanic Sun 02-Apr-17 07:52:23

If one person really hasn't got the urge not much you can do, but they do need to acknowledge the impact it has in their partner, and hopefully discuss it. That's the absolute minimum. They could go to their go and discuss it too.

Ginandpanic Sun 02-Apr-17 07:52:43

Gp not go

SandyY2K Sun 02-Apr-17 08:12:09

Your options are :

1)accept a life of enforced celibacy, (not sure why you should) because your DH is Asexual.

2) think about whether you'd rather an open marriage to get your needs met and would he be agreeable.

3) leave the marriage if 1 and 2 are not an option

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