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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Found a vibrator...

64 replies

BigBrownSofa123 · 01/04/2017 15:42

It's a bit of a WWYD one.
Dh works away a lot but is back home at the moment. I went to get something out of his suitcase last night and found a brand new vibrator.
He has come home a couple of times previously with toys so this discovery wasn't a big shock. The thing that has got me wondering though is that it is a very different style to what I've said I like to use, also that we had sex last night (after my discovery) and used my vibe but he didn't mention the new one at all.

So what do I do? I feel I have 2 options. Either keep quiet and wait to see if I notice anything else dodgy, see if it disappears etc.
Or come out and ask him about it. I'm not entirely convinced I would get the truth out of him if he did have something to hide though.

Not even really sure why I'm posting...

OP posts:

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SaltySeaDog72 · 01/04/2017 15:45

Gosh.. tricky. Do you have any other reason to doubt his fidelity?

Not great that you can't trust him to be honest - why is that - does he have form for lying about stuff?

BrutusMcDogface · 01/04/2017 15:46

Did he buy it for himself, maybe?

BigBrownSofa123 · 01/04/2017 15:50

He did lie a lot in the past, some quite elaborate ones. Nothing in the past 6 years though. I just feel that if he was up to something he wouldn't immediately admit to it. I don't know though which is why I haven't asked yet. I don't feel like he's been much different recently but he would have plenty of opportunity to cheat if he felt like it.

It could be for him I suppose, but I like to think he'd be able to tell me about that to stop any confusion.

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PointlessUsername · 01/04/2017 15:51

I would just ask him outright.

NameChangeShamed · 01/04/2017 15:53

Are we talking like a rabbit or a small bullet type?

Could you possibly wait until he's present and make a reason to go into his bag, see if he panics knowing it's there?

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 01/04/2017 15:55

I would wait and see if anything else crops up. If you mention it he will say he bought it for you and not much you can say to that.
Is it still in packaging?if he'd bought it to cheat wouldn't he have used it?
I'd stay quiet and see if he picks if for his next trip!!!

BigBrownSofa123 · 01/04/2017 15:56

It's one of those ones styled to look like the real thing. Not my cup of tea and he knows that.

I suppose I could do that later and see what he says. He's very scatty though and could easily have forgotten it's there.
I could be making a big deal over nothing and he's just forgotten I don't like them and forgotten to give it to me. I just don't know.
We've had some ups and downs over the past couple of years and I don't have sex as often as he'd like. I want to trust him though.

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BigBrownSofa123 · 01/04/2017 15:57

PamDooveOrangeJoof that's exactly why I haven't asked because it would be so easy to say "oh it's for you" and then I'd never know either way.

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CharlieSierra · 01/04/2017 15:57

Wait and see what he does with it. When you say brand new, in unopened packaging?

UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 01/04/2017 15:59

Tbh my assumption would be that it's more likely to be for his own stimulation than for using on someone else. Lots of men are into anal stimulation but wouldn't necessarily want to discuss that even with their partner/wife. And it's sensible to have a different vibrator for that kind of thing!

Ask him.

happypoobum · 01/04/2017 16:16

I absolutely would NOT mention it at this stage as whatever his reason, all you will get is "Oh yes it's for you."

I would bide my time and see if it gets packed away at home but never brought out for use with you (probably for him) or see if it disappears completely (given to OW?)

Good luck

ImperialBlether · 01/04/2017 16:18

Is it out of its packaging?

BigBrownSofa123 · 01/04/2017 16:20

It's still in the packaging.
I think I will not mention it for now and see what happens.

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BigBrownSofa123 · 01/04/2017 16:21

Would you be able to return an unused vibrator?

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ImperialBlether · 01/04/2017 16:25

Can you check your online bank statement to find out when it was bought?

debbs77 · 01/04/2017 16:26

Definitely don't mention it!

Beelzebop · 01/04/2017 16:32

Surely it's for you? X

BigBrownSofa123 · 01/04/2017 16:37

No sign of it on bank statement so he's either used his own account or paid cash.

If it was for me I would have thought he'd give it to me last night. Unless he's forgot?

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ImperialBlether · 01/04/2017 16:58

Why don't you take the batteries out of your vibrator and say "Oh no, the batteries are flat!" and see whether he mentions the other one?

NameChangeShamed · 01/04/2017 17:27

What ImperialBlether said is a good idea!

Or maybe say you'd be interested in trying another type.. and shamelessly describe the type in his bag and see if he mentions it? Only problem then is you'll have to take it on the chin and give it a whirl if it's for you

BigBrownSofa123 · 01/04/2017 17:30

I can't say that as mine is a charger jobby, and I can't think of anything I would need from his suitcase to ask if I can go and get. It's just his work gear.

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loveyoutothemoon · 01/04/2017 17:38

Just ask him

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SandyY2K · 01/04/2017 17:39

Take a photo of it, in case he denies it's existence.

Is it brand new? I'd say nothing for another couple of weeks and quietly investigate.

This reminds me of a thread I read elsewhere. The woman found a vibe in her DHs briefcase (he had form for cheating) and rubbed jalapeño pepper on it. When someone suggested it might actually be for her DH to use on himself, her response? "That's fine, it can light up his ass too"

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 01/04/2017 17:45

Has he bought any sex toys recently? My boyfriend recently bought some stuff from Lovehoney and got a "Dream Rabbit" as a free gift for spending over a certain amount.

He gave it to me but quickly explained that it was free because he knows rabbits aren't really my thing.

Just wondering if your chap has found himself in possession of a free vibrator and got cold feet about giving it to you.

But, you know, just ask him. Unless there's other stuff going on which is making you suspicious.

BigBrownSofa123 · 01/04/2017 18:17

Not bought anything new recently so can't be that.
Sandy! I'm not sure id dare do that!

Thanks for the advice everyone but I am keeping quiet for now. I'd like to see how it plays out.

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