Hi all, I an writing this just to get it off my chest and hopefully feel like I've done the right thing.
Long post, sorry!!
I started seeing a man I met at work around 6 weeks ago. At first I thought it was just a casual thing, but we kept going on 2/3 dates a week and at some point in the last couple of weeks I realized I was starting to feel something for this man. We slept together if that is relevant.
We were not dating exclusively and he told me he was also regularly seeing someone else whom he met a couple of months before we started dating. He also stated that he should stop seeing her because he knew that the "relationship" was going nowhere as he didn not feel like he could ever get serious with her. Incidentally, I don't think she knew about me as she is very Catholic and I doubt she would have accepted to date a man who was dating another woman.
A week ago he had a jealous fit because I told him I went on a first date with someone else I met online. At that point I told him that I did not feel comfortable dating a man who was also dating regularly another woman and that I did not want to see him again until he was properly single because the whole situation felt off to me.
He told me I was right, that he should have stopped seeing her a long time before, that he should not have put me in this position. He said he was going to end things with her. He said he understood if for a week or two until he sorted things out with her I did not want to see him.
Well, a couple of days later he left for a business trip overseas and he has been MIA ever since. Radio silence. To be truthful we never texted or chatted much outside of our dates, but after having such a conversation I think his silence might be indicative of the decision to end things with me.
I am having a bit of a wobble now. Please tell me I did the right thing pulling out of a situation that was making me feel bad. I started to feel like I was in a competition to "win" him over and I really did not want to ultimately engage in a pick me dance.
If he was not into me enough to decide to stop seeing the other person, then I am better off alone. Right?
Yes, you are better off without him. But you ended it, not him. You said: "At that point I told him that I did not feel comfortable dating a man who was also dating regularly another woman and that I did not want to see him again until he was properly single because the whole situation felt off to me."
So you were clear about your boundaries which is great. No wobbling please
Singingsilver you are right. I also realized that even if he popped back up and said "I am free now!" I don't know if I would believe him.
I'd have no way to verify that, so he could totally keep seeing her and just lie about it to me. That thought would probably trigger a lot of anxiety and insecurity in me (which I am normally not prone to) and I would still end up feeling like crap.