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Pulling out of the dating competition - Did I do the right thing?

(17 Posts)
nehapea Sat 01-Apr-17 10:05:44

Hi all, I an writing this just to get it off my chest and hopefully feel like I've done the right thing.

Long post, sorry!!

I started seeing a man I met at work around 6 weeks ago. At first I thought it was just a casual thing, but we kept going on 2/3 dates a week and at some point in the last couple of weeks I realized I was starting to feel something for this man. We slept together if that is relevant.

We were not dating exclusively and he told me he was also regularly seeing someone else whom he met a couple of months before we started dating. He also stated that he should stop seeing her because he knew that the "relationship" was going nowhere as he didn not feel like he could ever get serious with her. Incidentally, I don't think she knew about me as she is very Catholic and I doubt she would have accepted to date a man who was dating another woman.

A week ago he had a jealous fit because I told him I went on a first date with someone else I met online. At that point I told him that I did not feel comfortable dating a man who was also dating regularly another woman and that I did not want to see him again until he was properly single because the whole situation felt off to me.

He told me I was right, that he should have stopped seeing her a long time before, that he should not have put me in this position. He said he was going to end things with her. He said he understood if for a week or two until he sorted things out with her I did not want to see him.

Well, a couple of days later he left for a business trip overseas and he has been MIA ever since. Radio silence. To be truthful we never texted or chatted much outside of our dates, but after having such a conversation I think his silence might be indicative of the decision to end things with me.

I am having a bit of a wobble now. Please tell me I did the right thing pulling out of a situation that was making me feel bad. I started to feel like I was in a competition to "win" him over and I really did not want to ultimately engage in a pick me dance.

If he was not into me enough to decide to stop seeing the other person, then I am better off alone. Right?

Whisky2014 Sat 01-Apr-17 10:17:45

You are correct. You are worth more

Nellyphants Sat 01-Apr-17 10:20:26

Yep, you sound very level headed. You did the right thing for you

JigglyTuff Sat 01-Apr-17 10:21:41

Yes, you are better off without him. But you ended it, not him. You said: "At that point I told him that I did not feel comfortable dating a man who was also dating regularly another woman and that I did not want to see him again until he was properly single because the whole situation felt off to me."

So you were clear about your boundaries which is great. No wobbling please smile

Asmoto Sat 01-Apr-17 10:25:01

Absolutely. The jealous fit when you went on a date with someone else - whilst he was also seeing someone else - would be a warning sign for me.

ohfourfoxache Sat 01-Apr-17 10:28:04

Most definitely the right thing to do thanks

Trills Sat 01-Apr-17 10:29:55

So he thought it was OK for him to date other people, but not OK for you to date other people?

You're better off without him.

Well done for being clear on what you will and will not accept.

nehapea Sat 01-Apr-17 10:48:14

Thank you all for your kind replies. I feel better already smile

Cricrichan Sat 01-Apr-17 10:58:12


Gingerbreadlass Sat 01-Apr-17 11:55:04

You did the right thing. He sounds like a cheater and immature/entitled. Block, delete and move on. Hope your new date went well.

SingingSilver Sat 01-Apr-17 12:50:34

If he's just been quiet for 4 or 5 days, he could well pop back up again.

You've seen a very important facet of who he is - he thinks seeing multiple women is fine and something you should be cool with, but he'll throw a tantrum if you then see another man.

So he may come back to you and say he's free now, but that aspect of his personality will still be there...

nehapea Sat 01-Apr-17 13:04:32

Singingsilver you are right. I also realized that even if he popped back up and said "I am free now!" I don't know if I would believe him.

I'd have no way to verify that, so he could totally keep seeing her and just lie about it to me. That thought would probably trigger a lot of anxiety and insecurity in me (which I am normally not prone to) and I would still end up feeling like crap.

So what's the point really?

TheNaze73 Sat 01-Apr-17 15:06:08

He sounds like a cock.

You did the right thing, who the hell does he think he is?

Angryangryyoungwoman Sat 01-Apr-17 15:08:42

You did the right thing, stay strong

HelenaDove Sat 01-Apr-17 15:49:00

If the other woman he was seeing is a strict Catholic who does it all by the book she may not believe in sex before marriage and that could be why he started seeing you. Hes a twunt.

You did the right thing especially as you started having feelings for him.

HelenaDove Sat 01-Apr-17 15:50:15

And the fact that he could piss about but he didnt like you going on another date screams hypocrisy and misogyny.

nehapea Sat 01-Apr-17 16:10:46

Helena he did admit he had no right to be annoyed but he couldn't help feeling jealous.

I also reckon it is entirely possible he and the other woman don't have sex, she is also very young and probably inexperienced.

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