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Wish Me Luck -Finishing with a Future Faker

(16 Posts)
Biddylee Sat 01-Apr-17 07:38:28

I just came out of a long term (and very dead) relationship at the end of last year and was whisked off my feet by a handsome dude... My anxiety kicked in about this new bloke but I wanted some attention and company and I just put it down to dealing with the end of my LTR. Lots of red flags appeared (future talk and at times needy behaviour) but I thought it was my anxiety.

Last month he started to chat less to me and plan less, not being clear about when we could see each other and all of this triggered my anxiety even more! But I still thought it was me and nothing to do with his behaviour. I put the relationship on hold the other week and will finally finish it tonight. I am trying to remain strong and not make a compromise.

I was thinking that I should actually write down what I need to say so that I don't fluff it or give him an inch. I know he wants to be my friend whatever happens. I'm not sure I want to watch him date other women in the same way.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 01-Apr-17 07:42:08

Finish the relationship this morning if at all possible rather than tonight. Just tell him its no longer working for you and wish him all the best.

Do not remain friends with him; he will become an ex for very good reason.

Love your own self for a change. Work on you more before re-entering the dating game again. Raise your relationship bar and boundaries, read about red flags and do not disregard them.

InTheMoodForLove Sat 01-Apr-17 08:12:24

I agree with Attila
its a very short relationship you do not need to have a long chat about splitting tonight, you do not need any more emotional pressure.

Call him, or text if the relationship was an OLD. Used to be bad banners but pretty standard (sadly) nowadays

Snowfire Sat 01-Apr-17 08:33:27

I was in a similar situation to this a while back. I met a handsome man who promised me the world, but then I started to question a lot of what he was saying. I think some people will say anything if they think it will get them what they want.
It sounds like you're best to just cut him off like others have said. Wait until the right man comes along, someone honest and grounded that isn't going to string you along.

Gallavich Sat 01-Apr-17 08:36:15

Don't try to stay friends. It's a pointless, painful endeavour.

Biddylee Sat 01-Apr-17 09:48:36

Childcare commitments have reduced the opportunity to walk over there and finish it (I was meant to do this last Sunday but he was unwell).

I don't want to be his friend. (Makes me feel sad but that friendship will benefit him more than me)

Attila That boundary stuff is something I'm trying to understand and work on.

IntheMood he wasn't quite OLD - I met him through an online forum which I've now had to leave (after 11 years) because I can't face reading his happy posts!!

So lesson learned is be careful which fishpond you find your dates in ... grin

Nellyphants Sat 01-Apr-17 10:23:04

Don't bother walking over. Phone or text. Rip off the plaster. You may feel bad for a bit but the sooner you do it the sooner you heal

Whisky2014 Sat 01-Apr-17 10:32:07

I agree. No need for face to face

Emmageddon Sat 01-Apr-17 10:35:58

Why do you have to leave the forum you're a longstanding member of? Can't you put him on ignore so you can't see his posts?

I agree with the others, send him a text telling him it's not working and get it over and done with.

Look after yourself flowers

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Sat 01-Apr-17 10:36:37

I agree, just get it done in the swiftest and least confrontational way you can.

Also write down for yourself all the reasons why. If he was a convincing future faker, he will be convincing at trying to change your mind. Keep a list of reasons to refer to as a reminder for yourself if he tries it.

Biddylee Sat 01-Apr-17 11:35:51

Emmagedom I should just put him on ignore... maybe in a few months I'll return. Many of my friends from that site are facebook friends so I'm not totally out of the loop .

Biddylee Sun 02-Apr-17 08:44:11

Job done. It was a very polite and friendly split.

I am going no contact with him.

ChocolateDoll Sun 02-Apr-17 09:12:41

How did he take it?

Alexandra87 Sun 02-Apr-17 10:13:37

Glad it went smoothly for you op

Chloe84 Sun 02-Apr-17 10:55:22

You sound very strong to have put the relationship on hold and to have now finished it.

He sounds like a coward for taking the easy option of ignoring the situation whilst posting happy posts that you were likely to see.

I don't want to be his friend. (Makes me feel sad but that friendship will benefit him more than me)

May I ask how? He sounds opportunistic as well.

Biddylee Sun 02-Apr-17 11:02:56

Chocolate He was fairly laid back about it - said lots of nice things about me and how we had some good times (which we did). He wants to be friends but when I suggested that it might be a couple of years til that his face dropped.

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