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can our marriage be saved

(8 Posts)
Dodoobdedoob Fri 31-Mar-17 22:22:39

so DH and I've been together for over 10 years, had our ups and downs as everyone else. At the moment our relationship is not great as we rarely see each other due to hectic work schedules and never get any time together as a couple. Stresses due to work, money, family, past mental healthiissues etc. So our relationship has suffered quite a lot over the past couple of years. So that's the background. We still care about each other, like each other's company and I think we both miss 'us', how we used to be before all these stresses.

Anyways, this year it seems like we're really both of us giving up on this marriage. For his part, he admitted to having attempted to flirt with one of his female friends online, although obviously didn't come to anything. A couple of months ago, he was on a night out with friends and another female friend had given him a kiss though DH said it was just her trying to show off to others and it was just awkward. And more recently he made a big show and dance about wanting to attend a really important trade event by himself. We had previously planned to go together as a chance to network and enjoy some time together outside of home. But now he wants to go alone. Which is fine, but I found out he had in fact booked two tickets, one for himself and one for yet another female friend. And now he's talking about maybe going to the trade even a day early to be able to "fully benefit from the chance to network" and of course it would mean he would have to stay the night.....

And for my part, I'm sad about all this but mainly for our DS because I just don't care anymore about what my DH is up to. I've got other things going on in my life, I want to build my career, achieve my goals and dreams and build a financially secure future for myself and our DS. I don't want to divorce or separate but I feel like we're both checking out of our relationship.

So my question is, is there any way that our marriage can be saved at this point? I care about him, still love him, but am not sure if it's more of a friend thing now rather than husband and wife. I just don't know. Would couples counselling help at this point? Or just give up?

Dragonbait Fri 31-Mar-17 22:26:29

I can't answer the question but I do believe there is a tipping point beyond which a relationship is past saving. If one of you isn't totally committed to saving it then nothing will change that. Hope you find a way forward xx

Pwc12 Fri 31-Mar-17 22:27:46

Did you ask him about the other ticket and what was his response.

I don't know it's hard to say I'm by no means an expert but I'm in a similiar situation with busy life and hardly any time for each other but ultimately our worlds revolve around the same things.

We do try to make a conscious effort to make time for each other but it can be hard.

I think if you both love and enjoy each other's company then it can be worked upon.

But I would not be happy with his lies about attending the trade event alone and actually going with a female. And his flirting.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Fri 31-Mar-17 22:28:17

He has planned a night away with another woman...
Why would you want to keep him??

Dodoobdedoob Fri 31-Mar-17 22:40:10

Really hard to know what's the best thing to do. I'm not even sure of my own feelings, let alone his.

Wish I know the friend and I don't think she would be interested so i'm not too worried about it. But even if he was sleeping around I just feel meh about it. Like I've got other things to do and think about, no time or inclination to cry over DH. I wish I felt more angry or distraught, at least I'd know I still felt strongly about him. But I just feel 'meh'.

AnyFucker Fri 31-Mar-17 22:45:07

I think your H already has one foot out of your marriage

Please don't do the demeaning Pick Me Dance in an attempt to save it

If he wants put, let him go. Just because he is being "honest" doesn't make it ok. It is clear he is testing your boundaries. Invite him to breach them completely as he clearly wants to.

AnyFucker Fri 31-Mar-17 22:46:05


Dodoobdedoob Fri 31-Mar-17 23:33:34

Got not time for any pick me dances, all my energy is going into trying to achieve my career goals and personal goals. If DH doesn't want to be part of it, it's his loss.

Perhaps this is actually the beginning of the end. Both of us just looking for a way out.

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