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Am I being ridiculous?

(39 Posts)
ibegyourpardon1980 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:03:21

I've been seeing a guy for about six months now. It's a bit tricky as we both have children and he works long hours. We have met each other's children though and (I thought at least) we try to see each other as often as we can which is usually 2 or 3 times a week.
So he has his children every other weekend and on his weekend that he doesn't have them he usually stays at mine for a night.
A few times now he has said he might come over on a night that he is free but then changed his mind saying he is too tired. This is annoying me a bit as he says he misses me all the time but surely if he did he would let just being tired stop him seeing me would it? Or am I just being ridiculous?
Please be honest before I bring it up with him and look like a bunny boiler and ruin things confused

Ellisandra Fri 31-Mar-17 18:15:01

Sorry to sit on the fence but it could be that he's just not that into you... so even though the tiredness could be genuine, he's not as motivated to see you despite the tiredness.

Or he could just be tired.

Ellisandra Fri 31-Mar-17 18:15:41

Hit post too soon! If he's genuinely tired... well, he's working more hours than you and you're expecting him to come to you.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:16:46

How often do you stay at his?

Kikikaakaa Fri 31-Mar-17 18:18:30

On these nights, are you asking him over when you have kids at home?
So are you free too, or is this just for dinner/TV and kids are home?

I ask because this could be: not yet feeling quite that comfortable or that he sees no point in coming if you can't have sex
Or he is actually tired and will get home late and can't be bothered

ibegyourpardon1980 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:21:36

I don't think that's the issue. I would just as easily go to his if we are both free but he prefers to come to mine. Plus my children live with me so I would need a babysitter. I'm just talking about the days when he has no other plans and no kids

ibegyourpardon1980 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:23:15

Kika kids are home but would be in bed and we have sex on these days more often than not blush

Kikikaakaa Fri 31-Mar-17 18:26:35

Sounds like he just can't be bothered 😂

ZilphasHatpin Fri 31-Mar-17 18:33:34

The novelty has worn off and he he isn't as keen now, but he's too chicken to say this and would rather you raised the issue so you can row and he can say the break up wasn't his fault.

ibegyourpardon1980 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:42:14

It does feel like he can't be bothered but then expects me to be there when he does want to be bothered which is really annoying

DevelopingDetritus Fri 31-Mar-17 18:45:08

People that can't be arsed are so bloody boring. I'd move on, life is too short for this crap.

Isadora2007 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:47:55

He is probably just tired. You can miss someone but realise that you need sleep in order to function.
Would you prefer him to be a grumpy git and come over anyway?

AndTheBandPlayedOn Fri 31-Mar-17 18:52:31

He says he might come over.
You say you might be there.

I would have very little patience with being a "maybe".
Make other plans, you might run into him, you might not; but your lower expectations will help you avoid more disappointments.

pictish Fri 31-Mar-17 18:53:19

I think two or three times a week is plenty for a six month old relationship so I'd disagree with you that it's 'a bit tricky''re seeing each other a lot imo.
Maybe he would like to catch up with a friend, pursue a hobby, have time to himself, visit his parents, socialise in the local pub, whatever as well as being in a relationship with you.
If he's busy with long hours, kids and seeing you, when does he fit in all that other stuff that makes up his life as a whole?

JK1773 Fri 31-Mar-17 19:05:39

I think maybe he is just tired if he's juggling kids and work and seeing you. He might just genuinely want a night to himself to chill and an early night. I totally get that. Things do sound a bit serious for only 6 months in

TheNaze73 Fri 31-Mar-17 19:12:38

I agree with pictush, just 6 months in, you're see a lot of each other. Far more than I'd want at that stage & probably him too. As the saying goes, don't smother each other, nothing can grow in the shade

pictish Fri 31-Mar-17 19:19:11

"A few times now he has said he might come over on a night that he is free but then changed his mind saying he is too tired. This is annoying me a bit as he says he misses me all the time but surely if he did he would let just being tired stop him seeing me would it?"

Sometimes we're knackered and no company at all. Sometimes we just want to switch off and go to bed. You seem to feel offended that he's not taking every opportunity available to see you...but that seems a bit full on to me.

ibegyourpardon1980 Fri 31-Mar-17 19:22:17

I'm absolutely fine with him doing anything he wants, making other plans etc. I think it's just if we are both free why not be free together? He proclaims his love for me all the time yet I don't feel like his actions match his words

Ragwort Fri 31-Mar-17 19:28:41

I think it's just if we are both free why not be free together?

But then you wouldn't be 'free' - you'd be busy seeing each other confused. Lots of people like time to themselves, if he is busy at work, sees his children and sees you 2-3 times a week then no wonder he wants a night in to himself. And presumably he has other interests/things to do in the evenings?

I think dating -2-3 times a week is absolutely fine.

As others said, don't always make yourself 'available' just because he is free.

pictish Fri 31-Mar-17 19:29:14

Well... I'm a slow and steadier, not a leaper inner so proclaiming love all the time within six months, particularly when there are children on the scene, would feel superficial and premature to me.

Mamabear14 Fri 31-Mar-17 19:30:27

You clearly aren't fine with him doing whatever he wants because he wants to be free to spend time on his own. Some people don't want to spend all their free time with the person they are dating. I would feel awkward even with the kids in bed, what if one got up for a drink/felt ill/had a nightmare? Do they know about him or would they feel awkward to see a stranger in their home?
God I live with my DP and have kids and sometimes I go spend ages in the shower or pretend to be constipated to have half hour in the loo by myself in quiet!

AnnieAnoniMouse Fri 31-Mar-17 19:32:12

His actions don't match his words - it's the actions that count.

6 months in and he's 'too tired'. Dump him and move on, it's going nowhere.


Glossolalia Fri 31-Mar-17 19:38:04

I think it's just if we are both free why not be free together?

Because a lot of people enjoy their own company

mumndad37 Fri 31-Mar-17 19:41:52

When I am tired, I can reach a point where I just know I am better off staying home alone, taking a hot bath with a good book to read, and going to bed. Some people say that means I am an introvert; could he be one, too?? If I push myself and keep going, seeing people, etc. I end up unable to function.

ibegyourpardon1980 Fri 31-Mar-17 19:57:34

Maybe he is an introvert. I just can't help feeling he is taking it for granted that I'll be available when whenever but that he can take it or leave it.
I'm probably being ott, I've just come out of a very long term relationship where we were very full on from the outset and might be rushing things. He was the one who said he was falling for me etc first though

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