Husband on a dating site

[Bluebellforest1]

Hi, I'm a long time lurker, never posted before.
I'm 61, husband same age, been married 11 years, together for 17, second time round for us both.
Last night, we watched TV, chatted, normal evening really. I was knackered and went to bed at 10pm, slept until 5am when he came to bed, saying he'd fallen asleep downstairs. He's done this before (and so have I) but never so late.
I got up to let the dog out at 6, sat downstairs with a cup of tea, don't know what made me look but I checked his iPad. He'd registered (and paid) on an online dating site at 2am and been online until 5am when he came to bed.
He didn't wake up till after 10am, and was very "off" with me, avoided conversation and obviously didn't want to be in the same room as me. I went out for the afternoon.
This evening it's all fine, chatting away. I've not confronted him, my gut reaction is to keep quiet for now, but get my ducks in a row.
To be honest, I'd be perfectly happy if he went off with someone else, poor cow that she'd be.
Just wondering WWYD

[fedupandnogin]

Yes get yourself sorted financially and emotionally and keep quiet if you can. You are probably in shock right now. I know I was when I discovered what my ex husband had done. But I kept quiet and put a few things in place. You are in control.

[Bluebellforest1]

Thanks fed up,
I'm definitely keeping quiet for now. And yes, I am shocked. I honestly thought he would never do this. How stupid am I?

[user1479305498]

clearly he isnt happy and neither are you by the sound of it--- , but as FedUp said get your ducks in a row and try to not confront whilst getting ducks in a row. In fact if you are not that bothered, I think their is something rather powerful about knowing what he thinks you dont know!!

[user1479305498]

How did you find this out by the way? Had he left his Safari history there?

[Bluebellforest1]

Yep user1479, I feel very much in control. Have been chuckling to myself all day. He's a twunt.

[Bluebellforest1]

User 1479, yes he did leave it all there! Also, when I came downstairs the laptop was open and I checked on there too. He's an idiot, he has one pin and I know it.

[ivykaty44]

Get your finances in order, make provisions for yourself.

Sounds like you would be happy for him to leave?

Take a photograph of his safari history on your mobile phone and keep it safe, then he can't deny this later on.

[user1479305498]

what a stupid thing to do. I had to keep something to myself about my H for 4 weeks at one point. It about killed me being as nice as always! Im still here, although it all came out 2 days before xmas, as I thought I might self combust! but Im getting ducks in a row now whilst he thinks I feel he has got away with it.

[Paperdoll16]

I would be inclined to join for free with a fake profile. Then talk to him, string him along and see what his intentions are!

[SandyY2K]

You sound you you've got this one. Ducks in a row and exit stage left.

[ohfourfoxache]

Yep- get everything in order and present him with a fait accompli

Arsehole

[Bluebellforest1]

Oooh Paperdoll, there's a thought!

[user1479305498]

yep, string him along and turn up and meet him, along with divorce papers.

[fedupandnogin]

User1479 I agree I felt quite powerful knowing what he thought I didn't. Yet I kept looking for more and more evidence. It gets inside you and you become all consumed by it.

[Bluebellforest1]

Thank you for the replies. I'm keeping it to myself for now, get evidence and ducks together. He's very friendly this evening, I guess he thinks he's got away with it. Arsehole indeed.

[TheNaze73]

That scenario reminds me of the Pina Colada song.

Bad form on his part. Has the intimacy gone from the relationship? It's normally sex or money.

Feel for you op

[AtSea1979]

What a bastard.

[Bluebellforest1]

TheNaze no sex for a long while, apart from a very occasional charity fumble. I don't fancy him any more, he's a grumpy old man, he doesn't shower every day, he is grubby.
Lucky lucky lady who gets him eh?

[TheNaze73]

Sounds like you've fallen out of love with each other.

His hygiene sounds grim!

[Bluebellforest1]

I've certainly fallen out of love with him. See where it goes.

[Trustyourself2]

You sound brilliant. You're wasted on him. Get out and have lots of fun. So sorry you're having to deal with this shite.

[Shayelle]

As trustyourself said. Maybe you could leave him? Sounds like you'd be well rid of the stinky old creep

[hellsbellsmelons]

What an arse
Bit like my recent Ex.
No tech wiz that's for sure.
Not good at hiding things.
What a cock.
You are doing all the right things.
Get sorted and get out.
I couldn't sleep with someone who didn't shower and was grubby.

[Bluebellforest1]

Thank you all for your comments, advice and support.
Update: checked his iPad again this morning and more dating sites and porn. He was behaving like a guilty teenager this morning, I've been out all day, just got home and he's as nice as pie. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

[Dadaist]

You are obviously both looking for the exit! Why take such pleasure in having discovered he's as just as desperately lonely as you think he is. You have no feelings for him and he's responding by looking at his realistic options. It's never ok to cheat - and he should just have the strength to tell you how unhappy he is. But are you sure he has a profile - or is it just anonymous window shopping?