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Husband on a dating site

(54 Posts)
Bluebellforest1 Fri 31-Mar-17 17:48:29

Hi, I'm a long time lurker, never posted before.
I'm 61, husband same age, been married 11 years, together for 17, second time round for us both.
Last night, we watched TV, chatted, normal evening really. I was knackered and went to bed at 10pm, slept until 5am when he came to bed, saying he'd fallen asleep downstairs. He's done this before (and so have Iblush) but never so late.
I got up to let the dog out at 6, sat downstairs with a cup of tea, don't know what made me look but I checked his iPad. He'd registered (and paid) on an online dating site at 2am and been online until 5am when he came to bed.
He didn't wake up till after 10am, and was very "off" with me, avoided conversation and obviously didn't want to be in the same room as me. I went out for the afternoon.
This evening it's all fine, chatting away. I've not confronted him, my gut reaction is to keep quiet for now, but get my ducks in a row.
To be honest, I'd be perfectly happy if he went off with someone else, poor cow that she'd be.
Just wondering WWYD

fedupandnogin Fri 31-Mar-17 17:59:43

Yes get yourself sorted financially and emotionally and keep quiet if you can. You are probably in shock right now. I know I was when I discovered what my ex husband had done. But I kept quiet and put a few things in place. You are in control.

Bluebellforest1 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:04:51

Thanks fed up,
I'm definitely keeping quiet for now. And yes, I am shocked. I honestly thought he would never do this. How stupid am I?

user1479305498 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:06:08

clearly he isnt happy and neither are you by the sound of it--- , but as FedUp said get your ducks in a row and try to not confront whilst getting ducks in a row. In fact if you are not that bothered, I think their is something rather powerful about knowing what he thinks you dont know!!

user1479305498 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:07:00

How did you find this out by the way? Had he left his Safari history there?

Bluebellforest1 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:08:38

Yep user1479, I feel very much in control. Have been chuckling to myself all day. He's a twunt.

Bluebellforest1 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:10:49

User 1479, yes he did leave it all there! Also, when I came downstairs the laptop was open and I checked on there too. He's an idiot, he has one pin and I know it.

ivykaty44 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:14:03

Get your finances in order, make provisions for yourself.

Sounds like you would be happy for him to leave?

Take a photograph of his safari history on your mobile phone and keep it safe, then he can't deny this later on.

user1479305498 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:15:31

what a stupid thing to do. I had to keep something to myself about my H for 4 weeks at one point. It about killed me being as nice as always! Im still here, although it all came out 2 days before xmas, as I thought I might self combust! but Im getting ducks in a row now whilst he thinks I feel he has got away with it.

Paperdoll16 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:16:18

I would be inclined to join for free with a fake profile. Then talk to him, string him along and see what his intentions are!

SandyY2K Fri 31-Mar-17 18:17:27

You sound you you've got this one. Ducks in a row and exit stage left.

ohfourfoxache Fri 31-Mar-17 18:17:34

Yep- get everything in order and present him with a fait accompli

Arsehole angry

Bluebellforest1 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:18:35

Oooh Paperdoll, there's a thought!

user1479305498 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:33:12

yep, string him along and turn up and meet him, along with divorce papers.

fedupandnogin Fri 31-Mar-17 18:40:23

User1479 I agree I felt quite powerful knowing what he thought I didn't. Yet I kept looking for more and more evidence. It gets inside you and you become all consumed by it.

Bluebellforest1 Fri 31-Mar-17 18:53:36

Thank you for the replies. I'm keeping it to myself for now, get evidence and ducks together. He's very friendly this evening, I guess he thinks he's got away with it. Arsehole indeed.

TheNaze73 Fri 31-Mar-17 19:00:00

That scenario reminds me of the Pina Colada song.

Bad form on his part. Has the intimacy gone from the relationship? It's normally sex or money.

Feel for you op

AtSea1979 Fri 31-Mar-17 19:05:09

What a bastard.

Bluebellforest1 Fri 31-Mar-17 19:08:33

TheNaze no sex for a long while, apart from a very occasional charity fumble. I don't fancy him any more, he's a grumpy old man, he doesn't shower every day, he is grubby.
Lucky lucky lady who gets him eh?

TheNaze73 Fri 31-Mar-17 19:37:24

Sounds like you've fallen out of love with each other.

His hygiene sounds grim!

Bluebellforest1 Fri 31-Mar-17 20:00:22

I've certainly fallen out of love with him. See where it goes.

Trustyourself2 Fri 31-Mar-17 20:15:51

You sound brilliant. You're wasted on him. Get out and have lots of fun. So sorry you're having to deal with this shite.

Shayelle Fri 31-Mar-17 20:28:56

As trustyourself said. Maybe you could leave him? Sounds like you'd be well rid of the stinky old creep flowers

hellsbellsmelons Fri 31-Mar-17 20:42:44

What an arse
Bit like my recent Ex.
No tech wiz that's for sure.
Not good at hiding things.
What a cock.
You are doing all the right things.
Get sorted and get out.
I couldn't sleep with someone who didn't shower and was grubby.
<boak> envy

Bluebellforest1 Sat 01-Apr-17 17:50:06

Thank you all for your comments, advice and support.
Update: checked his iPad again this morning and more dating sites and porn. He was behaving like a guilty teenager this morning, I've been out all day, just got home and he's as nice as pie. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

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