Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

A potential mil problem

(20 Posts)
Italwaysworksitselfout Fri 31-Mar-17 11:38:36

I have a very good relationship with my pil. They are wonderful and very generous people but also very "twee" if that makes sense. I have 2 ds (grown up) from a previous relationship and a dd (15) with my dh. I am also 32 weeks pregnant with a surprise baby which both sides of the family are delighted about.
I don't know if it's my raging pregnancy hormones or not but I feel my pil, especially my mil are being a bit offhand with me at the moment.
If everything goes to plan I will be having the baby at 37 weeks (1st week in May) due to it being very small and an ecs but have history of going into spontaneous labour early and could go anytime. Pil have just booked a holiday for 10 days to go see bil and stbsil who live abroad at the end of April even though they are coming home at the beginning of May for a couple of weeks. Is this a bit weird?
When I gave them the date the consultant have me I got a text to say "I'll try to remember to put that in my diary"????
The more I'm writing the more I see it as a rant really as I know that they will feel forever guilty if they are not here for gc birth but I can't shake the feeling mil is acting quite frosty at the moment

Italwaysworksitselfout Fri 31-Mar-17 11:42:50

Baby was originally due the last week in May and they have also booked another holiday abroad then. I found out it this was after I found out original due dates so they wouldn't have been there if baby has gone to term hmm

Ellisandra Fri 31-Mar-17 11:45:43

A bit PLB perhaps?

You've done it before.
They've done it before.
Due dates change all the time - even ECSs.
Why would they put every thing on hold?

Congratulations on your surprise baby, don't dampen it by looking for slights that aren't there.

2014newme Fri 31-Mar-17 11:45:44

I'm not seeing the issue with pil going on holiday. Babies rarely arrive when they are supposed to. They can meet baby when they return.

eurochick Fri 31-Mar-17 11:46:58

I'm not seeing the issue either.

MrsChopper Fri 31-Mar-17 11:47:55

Were you expecting your PIL to be with you at the birth? I am struggling to see what the problem is. They can go on holiday/visit relatives as and when they like. And they can visit the baby on their return.

123rd Fri 31-Mar-17 11:48:54

Sorry, for me I would say "thank fuck. Mil won't be around to piss me off after the birth. "
Sounds like you will have lots of help after the cs. Are your parents around?

floraeasy Fri 31-Mar-17 11:50:34

If they are wonderful and generous PIL as you say, then you should see their holiday in that light. I doubt it means anything evil if this is not their normal modus operandi iyswim.

Maybe they think you and your DH/partner and baby will want a few days' peace before you are ready for visitors to descend.

Perhaps they've thought about going away round about this time for a while now. Perhaps one of them has a health issue or a scare and need a break away. There could be anything going on with them that you are not aware of.

I'd just concentrate on your pregnancy and I'm sure they'll be happy to see the new arrival when they are rested and refreshed from their holidays.

Italwaysworksitselfout Fri 31-Mar-17 11:52:47

Yeah I know I'm being precious but I was just a bit thrown by the text she sent. I seem to have the rage about everything at the moment. Thanks for your replies

DuggeeHugs Fri 31-Mar-17 11:53:32

If you don't normally have a problem with them I'd be tempted not to read too much into it at the moment. Has your DH noticed anything?

Also, are your PIL working? Lots of people try and book the bank holiday weeks in May to maximise annual leave. Do your BIL and STBSIL have something going on that week which your PIL are visiting for?

As for feeling guilty forever for missing the birth, I'm afraid that does sound like pregnancy hormones talking. My MIL wasn't able to see her first GC until 4 months and her second GC until 11 months - it's not a matter for guilt, she loves them and is their GM regardless. Of course, they may not want to be around for the birth - lots of PIL her grief on these forums for being too on your face around the birth - perhaps they are trying to tactfully give you some space?

floraeasy Fri 31-Mar-17 11:54:11

Not long to go now, OP.

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a few little treats - whatever works for you. Watch some mindless comedies that always get a laugh.

Take it easy flowers

2014newme Fri 31-Mar-17 11:55:14

Guilty forever at missing the birth 😂😂 is hilarious.
Did you actually want them at the birth? 😷

DuggeeHugs Fri 31-Mar-17 11:55:39

Argh, toddler sat on phone and posted early!

*PIL get grief
*in your face

Congratulations on your impending arrival flowers

floraeasy Fri 31-Mar-17 11:59:05

Pil have just booked a holiday for 10 days to go see bil and stbsil who live abroad

PIL aren't just going on any holiday either. They are visiting BIL and STBSIL so they've had to get four people's schedules to coordinate. There could be a good reason why they picked the 10 days they picked.

Also it appears that they are visiting their other son? Who will soon be marrying? Is that correct? They maybe have wedding plans to get involved with?

Italwaysworksitselfout Fri 31-Mar-17 12:05:31

Like I said, Im being precious and I know it. I have my parents but mil seemed so excited about it all and now seems to have cooled off. They feel guilty about the slightest wee thing. They gave my dd some food she was allergic to when she was a toddler and they are still apologising for it confused even though it was an accident and she had a minor reaction.

2014newme Fri 31-Mar-17 12:08:59

9 months us quite a long time to maintain high excitement.
If they aren't giving you enough attention, Enter x factor.

averylongtimeago Fri 31-Mar-17 12:09:21

Perhaps your MiL has been reading all the anti MiL threads on mumsnet and decided to back off so she's not in trouble for being too overpowering?

Italwaysworksitselfout Fri 31-Mar-17 12:18:28

Flora- I think that might be why they are going but future sil has done all planning with her friend already so it might just be to see the venue etc. They are going for 10 days but will only see bil for 4 days as he and sil are working and work extremely long hours. When pil come back bil and sil are returning here for 2/3 weeks to meet the baby and attend 2 weddings. Mil has told me when bil is working they sit in the apartment and don't do anything....They also tend to overboard with bil and sil as they live in a different country and feel they have to see them as much as possible. Me and dh worked out that they actually see them more than us and we live 5 mins away grin

Astro55 Fri 31-Mar-17 12:26:44

Well it's up to them if they sit in the apartment or go out and have some fun!

You have 3 older children DH and your parents - that's more than enough support for you to cope with!

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Fri 31-Mar-17 12:37:22

OP, honestly - your PILs sound like bliss. Please, try to appreciate their lack of involvement - I know that's not the right term, but I can't find a nicer one right now.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now