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Is he being racist towards me?

(60 Posts)
fedup17 Fri 31-Mar-17 09:07:41

My husband is black and I'm white. We have 5 children. He's always going on about how much the white race have done the most evil on the planet and reads pretty much loads of stuff that discredits the white race. I often feel uncomfortable. He then starts saying that the white race. are actually created from the black race and we are the 'weaker version' of them and that's why the white race hate the black race so much. He goes on his general rants and then says he loves me and all that when he sees I'm upset by his comments. The one thing that gets to me though is every time we argue and i say or do something he doesn't like he will say things like 'it's your white genes showing through'. He's allowed to call me what he wants and that's fine but if I say anything back its always 'its your white genes, that's how white people behave'

He makes me feel ashamed for being white and makes me feel like a less of a person and when he goes on about all these evil things the white race have done in the past to the black race I always end up feeling like I'm not entitled to be in This planet like I don't deserve to be. Is he actually being racist to me even though I'm white?

Thinkingblonde Fri 31-Mar-17 09:12:33

Yes, he is. Have you pointed out to him that He is also being racist to his mixed race children?

SookiesSocks Fri 31-Mar-17 09:13:20

He is abusive. Whether he is racist or not is by the by.
He verbally abuses you and it needs to stop.

Thinkingblonde Fri 31-Mar-17 09:15:15

Pull him up on it op, your kids don't need to hear his bigoted views.
He's actually mentally abusing you.

LaContessaDiPlump Fri 31-Mar-17 09:15:51

It's not just racism; he's spouting abuse at his partner. I'm willing to bet that if you were black then you'd be in the wrong for being female (another thing you can't do anything about but which is a useful tool to beat you with).

You were clearly acceptable enough to have children with but not acceptable enough to treat like a human being.

HecateAntaia Fri 31-Mar-17 09:19:05

he is not treating you in a loving way.
it doesnt really matter why.
what matters is how he makes you feel.

my husband is black. he has never ever said anything like that to me.

you dont have to take it.

ElspethFlashman Fri 31-Mar-17 09:22:02

He's a fucking prick who enjoys the feeling of power he gets when he sees you getting uncomfortable.

This isn't love. God knows why you allow your children to listen to such disrespect being spewed towards you.

Foxysoxy01 Fri 31-Mar-17 09:27:43

Yes he is being racist!

Whether he is using the fact you are white as the excuse to abuse you or he is actually racist doesn't really matter he is being a bully and trying to make you feel like shit.

It might be worth getting some headspace and having a good think on his other behaviours and if anything else points towards abusive?

Cricrichan Fri 31-Mar-17 09:30:58

Aside from the fact that what some of your race has done has nothing to do with you, the black race has also done and continue doing horrific stuff too. No race or people come out clean. Read up a bit on history and current affairs to counter his arguments.

ferando81 Fri 31-Mar-17 09:31:34

Yes he is being racist and explicitly racist.Your husband is a victim but it also gives him the easy option in every argument.Its never his fault he can blame it on your lack of perspective because you only see things from a white view.

TaliDiNozzo Fri 31-Mar-17 09:34:21

This is absolutely abuse and I unless he has a pretty radical change of ways I would be out of there.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 31-Mar-17 09:34:52

Wow! I cannot believe how you would racially abuse your wife especially when your own children are of the same race!!!?

Bloody hell! Ask him to keep his racist mouth shut!

Otherwise he is going to induce feelings of Shane and confusion onto his own kids!

QuiteLikely5 Fri 31-Mar-17 09:35:14

* of shame blush

May50 Fri 31-Mar-17 09:37:40

Yes he is being racist. Do your children hear these comments? Because if so they will be affected by them as he is criticising them too and may well grow up with an inferiority complex, emotional problems due to these comments.

Ipigglemustdie Fri 31-Mar-17 09:40:00

But if your white then you can't be a victim of racism because of privilege or something...... wink

fedup17 Fri 31-Mar-17 09:56:10

He loves his kids and would never want to hurt them even though he's horrible toward me. He says he doesn't consider his kids white as they come from him and he's black. I'm just sick of feeling ashamed. If someone from the black race does something wrong he quays has an excuse along the lines of ' they were influenced by the white race'
Honestly when I write it all down I see how disgusting his words really are

HecateAntaia Fri 31-Mar-17 10:08:31

why the hell did he marry you if all he sees is the colour of your skin and how much he hates it?

HecateAntaia Fri 31-Mar-17 10:10:00

and he does not see how much he hurts and damages his children by showing his loathing and contempt for their mother?

because let me tell you that very few things damage a child more than growing up watching their parent being treated like a piece of shit.

Waddlelikeapenguin Fri 31-Mar-17 10:12:38

Race is a social construct, it's not evident in our genes.
He's an abuser, protect yourself & your children.

WesternMeadowlark Fri 31-Mar-17 10:39:12

How racism is defined is very complex, but he sounds like an outright believer in black supremacy.

Of couse people might be pushed towards such beliefs by their experiences of racism, but some white people are pushed towards white supremacy by their experiences of, for example, poverty. That doesn't make it excusable.

Black supremacy is totally different from black pride and that kind of thing, for all supremacists might sometimes use some of the same language. It's dangerous, pseudo-scientific nonsense and he's using it to hurt you.

Well done for taking the step of talking about it on here. I hope you're able to keep yourself as safe as possible (others will be able to advise on that).

LaContessaDiPlump Fri 31-Mar-17 10:45:59

Race is a social construct, it's not evident in our genes.

Sorry but the second part of that is wrong. Medically, there is good reason for asking someone what biological race they are, as different ethnic groups will respond better to different medicines (here's one example.

They have had issues with this in the USA, as black patients occasionally demand to be prescribed the same medicine as white patients; their doctors attempt to explain that the patient has been given the medicine most likely to help them based on their ethnic background, but sometimes the patient won't believe this explanation and refuses to take what they've been given. It is a difficult one to solve.

In my opinion, race is partly a social construct (made up of shared experience/history) but also has firm roots in biology.

Having said that, the op's husband is definitely being a racist twunt.

MsMims Fri 31-Mar-17 10:46:20

It's not racism as there's no such thing as reverse racism, just like there's no such thing as reverse sexism. However, he certainly is prejudiced, but more importantly he is being abusive to you. Glad you can see how bad it is written down as it really is awful that you're left feeling ashamed.

Trustyourself2 Fri 31-Mar-17 10:55:25

To me it sounds as if he might be disappointed with himself for choosing a white partner instead of a black partner. If this isn't the case, then why is he treating you the way he does? I wouldn't want to be with someone who was so intent on making me feel ashamed of who I am. I think you should tell him that he has to stop this behaviour or lose you. It's his choice if he wants to spend his life behaving the way he does, but he can't expect you to continue being belittled.

dingodon Fri 31-Mar-17 10:56:08

Yeah it's not reverse anything it's racism! Tell him to pull his head out of his arse and grow up! What kind of influence will he be on his poor kids.

Waddlelikeapenguin Fri 31-Mar-17 11:01:40

Sorry but the second part of that is wrong. Medically, there is good reason for asking someone what biological race they are, as different ethnic groups will respond better to different medicines
Sorry yes i understand that & worded it very badly. What i really wanted to refer to was that one person with black skin does not necessarily have the closest DNA match to another person with black skin. East & West African genotypes are different etc. To counter OP's husband's assertion that black people are superior due to their genes.

Brevity is never my friend grin

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