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He's had an affair, will he ever change?

(27 Posts)
Userr123 Fri 31-Mar-17 06:40:06

A man has an affair all throughout his wife's pregnancy, and puts an end to it as soon as his son is born.
Do you think he's changed, and that he will now be able to remain faithful?
Can a leopard ever change its spots?

BlueVelvetCupcake Fri 31-Mar-17 06:43:03

Awful thing to do to a woman when she's pregnant. Coming from my own experience, I don't believe men like this change. My ex cheated on me many times because I convinced me that he wouldn't cheat again. How wrong I was. And I had his daughter.

End it OP.

MaisyPops Fri 31-Mar-17 06:50:44

It depends on the factors that led to the affair (before i get yelled at im not saying any of these are ok)
1. Just sex. 2 people have banter, find each other attractive and end up hooking up
2. Some kind of escapism from the pressures of expecting a child.
3. Ongoing flirty texts/banter that ended up crossing the line. Eg enjoyed attention and ended up in too deep.
4. Actively looked for a bit on the side.
5. Friendship turned into emotional affair turned into physical affair.

He's made awful choices. But i thinj theres more of a chance of him changing if it was just sex as escapsism (which can be discussed in coubselling) rather than someone who actively sought out someone to keep on the side. If it was a full emotional/physical affair, then ending it may be more likr a typical relationship ending.
It may also depend whether the other woman ended it, he ended it or he was found out by his wife.

DevelopingDetritus Fri 31-Mar-17 06:51:54

Very doubtful.

Bananamanfan Fri 31-Mar-17 06:54:37

That kind of selfish bellend is even more likely to have an affair when there's a baby taking the attention away from him.

AnyFucker Fri 31-Mar-17 06:55:28

Why stick around to find out ?

kikikaakaa Fri 31-Mar-17 06:59:01

Is this the guy who was having an affair and ended it but the OP who was also married still wanted to be with him?

Gallavich Fri 31-Mar-17 07:00:54

Highly unlikely

TheNaze73 Fri 31-Mar-17 07:59:37

If any man feels it's ok, to whack it up someone else, whilst in a relationship, then they are not worth being with.
His behaviour is appalling. There really are no excuses

Justmuddlingalong Fri 31-Mar-17 08:05:18

If he could cheat on her during a very vulnerable time, he doesn't become a great husband and father now he's ended the affair. Did the wife know during the pregnancy, or find out after giving birth?

podrig Fri 31-Mar-17 08:13:14

No, he won't. The novelty of the child will wear off and he will be back at it sooner or later.

Adora10 Fri 31-Mar-17 11:53:22

Nope; the one time you'd expect your partner to be there and support you, he's off shagging throughout the pregnancy so no he will never change that behaviour, vile.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 31-Mar-17 11:56:52

No they never change.
I know this from bitter experience.
That fact he cheated when you needed support the most is just vile.
But this is your life and your decision.
Personally, I can't forgive cheaters. But others can and do move on.
But inevitably, the vast majority go on to cheat again because they got away with it once - with no consequences as such - so why not do it again???
I'm sorry this has happened to you.
Let us know if you need practical support.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Fri 31-Mar-17 12:02:36

I would wait to find out

Figgygal Fri 31-Mar-17 12:04:56

Utterly the lowest of the low

He's not going to change hes just shown his true colours

MagicalMrsMistoffelees Fri 31-Mar-17 12:09:32

I know a man who cheated on his wife when she was pregnant. But the wife herself had had a brief affair a few years earlier and hadn't really wanted to stay with the husband. She constantly rejected him but they stayed together for some reason and decided to have a baby. 😖 The husband loved her very much but was so hurt by her affair and the rejection which led to his affair.

Neither of them behaved very well BUT...after their daughter was born they seemed to grow together. They almost seemed to fall in love again. They later had another two children and were a very happy couple.

They're still together now years later with the children off at university. Neither has cheated since. They both seemed to grow up and find happiness with each other and their children. So a success story.

BUT tales like this are very, very rare. On the whole cheaters won't change. They'll keep doing it again and again for all sorts of reasons.

FinallyHere Fri 31-Mar-17 12:12:28


I'm so sorry you are going through this and wish you all the very best in your future life.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 31-Mar-17 12:24:45

No one really knows the answer do they?

My guess is you want us to say yes and that you want to believe he will but if a man can't stand by you during pregnancy then when can he be counted upon?

All that time too!

There are various reasons why people cheat and I myself have even understood on occasion but if here it's because you were pregnant/tired/reduced sex drive then I can assure you you're on the road to nowhere with this man

Pregnancy is not a reason to stray.

Trifle66 Fri 31-Mar-17 13:21:27

My ex had an affair when I was pregnant. Left for the 0W and did the same to her. And has cheated on his current partner. However he is a very troubled man and will never be happy

Obsidian77 Fri 31-Mar-17 13:22:52

No chance.

Sherashed Fri 31-Mar-17 13:25:27

If a man can cheat on his wife while she is pregnant, he is unscrupulous enough to cheat on her in any circumstances at any time.

TreeTop7 Fri 31-Mar-17 13:27:05

Doubtful but possible. I know an elderly couple who cheated on their spouses with each other back in the 1980s who are faithful to each other and happy it seems. So they definitely changed their "spots" .

But I'd be wary of a person who cheats on his pregnant OH tbh. I think that's particularly grim. Shows really low moral standards.

IsNotGold Fri 31-Mar-17 14:05:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TedEriksen Fri 31-Mar-17 14:12:22

If a man can cheat on his wife while she is pregnant, he is unscrupulous enough to cheat on her in any circumstances at any time.

The morality/lack of scruples is one thing, but I can't imagine where a man with a pregnant wife would find the time to cheat. When my DW was pregnant I was basically on call 24/7.

IsNotGold Mon 03-Apr-17 09:24:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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