if someone else makes an effort and looks nice, she thinks they are beautiful. If I make an effort and look nice she tells me I am showing off.
If somebody else gets a job, she congratulates them. If I get a job she tells me I probably slept with someone to get it (probably after making an effort to look nice and showing off.)
She reads stories in the paper about paedophilia and is horrified and doesn't stop talking about it for days. When I told her when I was 14 that a teacher was being inappropriate with me, she said it was my fault for leading them on.
If somebody tells her something bad that happened to them, she will sympathise and offer support. If I tell her I am sad or down she'll tell me it's my fault and I deserve everything that I get.
If somebody else gets married, she says congratulations. When I got married she said either he has something severely wrong with him to have picked you, or you've lied to him/been behaving in a fake way, so he does't know what you're really like.
When the best man made his speech at my wedding, she clapped. When I made a speech after him, she heckled me to the point that I had to stop.
She obsessively pours over other people's Facebook profiles and likes and leaves nice comments on their pictures of their families. She comments underneath similar family photos of me and my children, saying she finds my smugness "disgusting" and that I am showing off and giving people an unrealistic picture of my life.
I block her on Facebook, only to get a call from my (bystander) father to tell me that she's been crying for days that I have blocked her on facebook and for his sake, I need to refriened her.
And this has happened every day, since I was very young.
Obviously I see that she is highly dysfunctional and emotionally abusive - but why? Why would you do this to your own daughter? I just cannot imagine doing this to my daughter, who is currently only a toddler. What could I have possibly done to my own mother to make her feel this way about me?
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why would you do this to your daughter?
baldingeagle · 31/03/2017 00:22
Have a look at the website daughter's of narcissistic mothers.
It will be very illuminating for you 
Oh, OP, I could have written your post.
I honestly do not know why our mothers do this. I have two sisters, with whomy she behaves like a normal human being.
But, do you know what? After a lifetime of trying to work it out, of feeling shit about myself, of aching in my guts at the injustice if it all, I've decided to stop trying to make sense of it.
So, she doesn't like me; I'm fine with that. I don't especially like her either.
I'm pretty sure her problem, and it is HER problem is that I look, sound, and even walk very, very much like her. The conclusion I've come to is that, deep down its herself she dislikes.
Do you happen to resemble your mum, OP?
I cannot imagine the fucked up stuff in her head that makes her behave that way. My dc are imperfect (nobody is perfect) and I love them absolutely.
This is a failing at her end. You aren't to blame. You have it right :) Your dd is a source of joy and happiness. You see that. Your mother looks away.
No idea what you have done OP - but you need to cut her out of your life! Honestly, that is awful - and it will go on until she draws her last breath.
Also, don't take any emotional blackmail from your DF either, yes he is in the middle, but you don't deserve to be made to feel like utter shit.
OP,
Your post could have been written by one of my closest friends, who has experienced this same treatment from her mother for 40plus years.
I expect a lot of this chimes with you:
Like you sound, friend's thoughtful, intelligent and has made a go of her life, yet all along has had the very person who should support and encourage her do exactly the opposite: chip away at her confidence, and resent her successes.
It's heartbreaking to witness.
Friend still doesn't feel able to cut her out, due to her determination to maintain contact with her decent (albeit anything-not-to-rock-the-boat, enabling when younger) DF...in an ideal world, her kids and their DGrandpa would continue their loving relationship independent of bitch-wife's whims (the DGC are never left alone with Grandma, and friend or her partner always present, during visits, thank God), but he's now very elderly, frail and controlled by reliant on her.
Bottom line: friend's mother has always resented the Father-Daughter friendship. She has zero insight into her own behaviour, though it's been pointed out in no uncertain terms. She does a very convincing Mrs Charming act in public, thus my friend is the one accused of petty, unreasonable behaviour by hoodwinked acquaintances. Jeez.
I wonder if you have siblings, and if they're treated similarly, or the opposite, to you? Are there DGC in the equation? If yes, how do you (or any MNers) handle any involvement? I'm watching this thread with interest...friend so bloody demoralised by Mother's Day fallout that I'm investigating approaches to pass on to her.
In friend's case, her brothers can literally never do wrong (despite some majorly selfish fuck-ups on their part, including adultery/ major financial arsery), whilst she is shot down at the slightest opportunity.
She tried, and fruitlessly still tries, everything in her power to get any recognition or approval, and her mother got, and gets, perverse pleasure in lulling her into a false sense that their relationship's improving, before reverting to type. Warped and cruel behaviour 
Yup, as PPs already said, classic Narc and toxic treatment from your mother, and I'm just very sorry you are targeted for her failings xx
Meant to add:
I'm incredibly sorry you were met with such a reaction on confiding to her about your teacher's behaviour. At age 14 
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Remember - the way a person treats you says nothing about you, and everything about them. It's not your fault she treats you like this, she's just a nasty person who has picked you as her scapegoat.
Can you go NC with her? You shouldn't have to live like this, it's not fair or healthy.
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