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No longer attracted to him

(17 Posts)
user1490853706 Thu 30-Mar-17 15:23:24

I have been in a LTR with DP for just under a year. I know this doesn't seem long but we both met with the intention of finding someone serious to settle down with and things have gotten pretty serious. We have both introduced each other to family which for me is an absolutely massive step.

I can't help but feel I will get an absolute bashing about this but I really do feel lost and need some perspective.

I just don't feel attracted to him anymore. I feel rotten to say this but I look at him and I wonder what it was that attracted me to him in the first place. He's put on some weight but I don't think that's what's bothering me. Although I'm not the fattest chick on the block I am not skinny either. He just always looks miserable. I've asked him so many times what the matter is and he said he's happy and that's just his resting face!! I think that's actually true but he just always looks like he is physically in pain and it's just not attractive. Another thing which I find unattractive is that he is always hunched up, all the time. He's a tall guy and this comes from being conscious of this as a child. But I like a mans man and sitting across from him having dinner and watching him cowering into his plate, I really do not find attractive. I raised this with him only last night and he promised to try to fix his posture. I know this sounds incredibly lame but for me it's a presence thing - not just looks.

Despite all this, he's a great guy and I do love him. He is kind and caring, he's a gentleman and always opens doors and carries bags. Good men are just not that easy to find. He is always thinking about what is best for me. Contrary to the lack of attraction, the sex is great and he always always makes sure I orgasm every time.

Am I being ridiculous about the lack of physical attraction? Is this something I can get past?

TheNaze73 Thu 30-Mar-17 15:26:36

No, physical attraction is very important to a lot of people. If you're feeling like that after only a year, imagine what you'll feel like in 10?
Get out now, you only get one shot at life

chickenjalfrezi Thu 30-Mar-17 15:28:34

Oh dear. You're going to get torn to shreds OP. Not much I can offer but if you don't find him physically attractive after a year then you don't find him physically attractive. It's up to you whether that's more important than all the other great qualities you list out.

Iris65 Thu 30-Mar-17 15:30:24

I agree wit both previous posts.

Whatatododo Thu 30-Mar-17 15:31:18

If you find his face off-putting I dont think this relationship stands much chance.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 30-Mar-17 15:33:56

How old are you?
Because if you stick around this will be how you feel until you actually do finish it.
If the attraction has gone then it's gone.
You can't change him and make him more 'manly'
You say you love him. In what way?
A friend kind of way?

Launderetta Thu 30-Mar-17 15:40:11

Sounds a bit more of a friend with benefits than a true DP.

My advice would be to end the relationship now, before you become resentful & bitter - unfortunately that's exactly what I didn't do, we ended up marrying & I had a very unhappy decade with him as a result. (Eventually, when I finally matured enough to face up to my own messy situation, I divorced him & found someone who I really love.)

Please don't waste your time.

ShowMePotatoSalad Thu 30-Mar-17 15:59:29

I think you should end it. It's only been a year. Imagine how you would feel about him in 10 years time.

In my experience once attraction has gone, it never comes back.

Trustyourself2 Thu 30-Mar-17 16:02:33

Let him go. Don't spend time convincing yourself he's who you want. He needs to be with someone who loves him for him, not what they want him to be.

user1490853706 Thu 30-Mar-17 16:03:51

Sadly I was hoping I would be told I'm being a silly moo and that all of his great qualities overrule the lack of physical attraction. Time to be honest with myself I think. Thanks for your advice ladies x

thedancingbear Thu 30-Mar-17 16:19:17

Do what you will OP.

But there'll be a thread in a couple of days bemoaning how difficult it is to find a decent man nowadays, how all the good ones are taken. It turns out that people aren't just looking for a decent, honest feller, but one who is devoid of physical imperfection...

WarmFunKindStrong Thu 30-Mar-17 16:19:40

End it, or at the very least slow down, forget out settling down and get to know the bloke without any agenda other than enjoying him for who he is when he is with you.

I think sometimes dating gets seen as a means to an end. But I think it is crucial journey which should not be rushed or the importance minimised.

He could be the guy for you, (I suspect he isn't), but to be fair, you don't know him that well. Take your time. Good luck.

Hermonie2016 Thu 30-Mar-17 16:24:35

The time spent with him is to test if this is a long term relationship and feeling he's unattractive after a year means it's not going to work.

Don't settle, you will regret it.

Emboo19 Thu 30-Mar-17 16:53:19

After only a year in a otherwise good relationship, unless his physical appearance has change drastically. I find it odd that you no longer find him attractive.

Did you really find him attractive at the start?
Or were you more focused on finding someone to settle down with, that you maybe convinced yourself you fancied him?

Definitely don't settle though. I think it would only be matter if time before it effects over parts of your relationship.

Emmageddon Thu 30-Mar-17 18:00:09

Is it the fact you have introduced this man to your family, that is making you think you shouldn't end it? Just bite the bullet and cut him loose. You don't fancy him now, you probably never did. Let him find someone who will love him, resting sadface, beer belly, poor posture and all.

You'll find someone else, don't settle for this man, it isn't fair on either of you.

Happybunny19 Thu 30-Mar-17 18:04:20

You can't have fancied him much in the first place or you'd still be in the honeymoon phase after only a year. Finish it, it clearly isn't working. You sound desperate to be in any relationship if you're seriously asking if you should continue seeing someone who you see so many faults in. He really deserves someone who likes him and doesn't put him down.

Cricrichan Thu 30-Mar-17 18:06:03

I think that you were desperate to settle down and are trying to make him fit. It doesn't work like that and if he already irritates you etc then it's time to split. My boyfriends have never been stunners but i fancied them loads when i was with them, especially at only one year.

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