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I know I have done the right thing but feel confused

(6 Posts)
backwardnames Wed 29-Mar-17 23:02:28

DH and I have been together for 13 years and have two children, quite small. We don't have much of a sex life and have never been particularly affectionate with each other. Having children has exacerbated this issue quite a lot and whilst I have not bern unhappy I'm not exactly overwhelmed with love for him recently (a recent conversation to try and get him to open up a bit more had him saying "talking is overrated").

3 years ago at work I became friends with a really lovely group. We have all supported each other through work difficulties and have become even closer recently. Anyway, 3 months ago and I started getting an inkling that one of my colleagues has started to see me in a more 'romantic' way. On Friday we were out for drinks and when we were walking home he admitted that he was, in his words 'falling' for me and kissed me. I was a bit stunned but said to him I wasn't prepared to ruin my marriage or work relationship. If I am honest with myself I know that I like him a hell of a lot and probably feel the same way.

It sounds weird but since then I have been beating myself up about the whole thing. I am questioning the state of my marriage, my feelings for my colleague (who I have managed to avoid for the past few days) and possibly the mess my love life could potentially turn into. I'm not ready to give up on my marriage but at the same time I can see it may not get better. I am thinking can I really carry on with things the way they are indefinitely in my marriage and what if I could be happier with someone else (a particular someone else). I feel I need some advice.

I need to sort myself out quickly as I can't continue to avoid colleague and I am worried H will notice my lack of attention to everything soon.

PinkTeletubby101 Wed 29-Mar-17 23:24:43

What an awful situation. Sit down with DH and tell him things need to change otherwise you're splitting up. Don't give up on your marriage just yet - you are feeling neglected and have remembered what it's like to be noticed again. Talk to your husband & if he doesn't want to know tell him it's finished because he can't give you what you need and u are no longer compatible

PaterPower Wed 29-Mar-17 23:45:39

All I'd say is it's likely a relationship with this colleague (should you decide to go there) is unlikely to go the distance.

You'll both be aware that he broke your marriage up (however you rationalise it) and however unhappy you are with DH, an affair or rebound relationship is likely to come under a lot of pressure.

I may be biased because I was cheated on, but if there's anything to be saved in your marriage I think you owe it to your husband, and yourself, to try and sort things out. If you can't, at least you'll have made the decision to split without reference to OM, you can sort yourself out emotionally and then date him when you're in a better place, without any guilt.

backwardnames Thu 30-Mar-17 10:14:26

Pater you are right. I don't want to cheat on him. For a long time we were good together and I know that without him I wouldn't be where I am. I used to accept his emotional flaws and joke about it but I think it has become more of an issue recently as I have noticed how other people get treated by their spouses and how different it is to my experience.

Hermonie2016 Thu 30-Mar-17 10:50:18

Don't cheat on your dh as it will just lead to heartache.
There was a thread about marriages in the 10-15 years zone being difficult.Its at this stage (perhaps with children) you both need to make adjustments as everything has changed.

Put some effort into your marriage, start by asking your dh if he is happy and take it from there.If your dh is good for you don't assume the new man is a replacement.You may lose more than you gain.

backwardnames Sat 01-Apr-17 14:17:25

Feeling so depressed this morning. I told colleague yesterday that I can't see him unless it is on a professional basis - I feel so sad that our friendship has come to an end like this. DH doesn't have a clue. Now how do I approach matters with DH?

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