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(2 Posts)
Bobgoblin23 Wed 29-Mar-17 20:42:52

Name changed as could be outing.

DB has been NC off/on for 20+ years. He had a child, Mum is not on the scene and DB is single parent. We had a good few years of contact whilst DN was young. DB has a drug problem and SS heavily involved. I last saw them both 3 years ago. It was a pretty bad visit and there were a few instances of really poor parenting. DB told me DN was about to be taken off the register and SS were really happy.

I called the SW and explained I had some concerns about drug use, as during his visit he was very clearly on withdrawal. There were some behaviour issues with angry outbursts and not feeding DN, not making sure food was available and then giving giant bars of chocolate instead. DN is very overweight. I thought very hard before calling SW but felt it was the right thing to do.

So this has triggered another period of NC, I understand why he is pissed off with me. I've sent letters, cards, photos and general updates about what is going on in our lives. I've tried to send emails, facebook messages etc but I don't think he is getting them.

Should I keep doing what I am doing? With letters, info, updates etc? Or just send birthday and Christmas cards? Am I making things worse and triggering issues by forcing this contact by mail?

If you have gone NC with a family member, do you want them to be NC in return?

Many thanks for your advice.

Mamaka Wed 29-Mar-17 23:48:49

My answer to your last question would be yes, if I'm NC with someone I would not be wanting frequent reminders of them popping through my letterbox.
However in this situation I would keep up some level of contact (maybe aimed at dn rather than dB?) as it sounds like they will need your support in the future and you want them to feel like they can get in touch if they need.
Maybe only send cards for special occasions (to dn especially) with a note to remind them you're there if needed.

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