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Found out I'm pregnant yet im in an unhappy/unsatisfying relationship

(17 Posts)
PinkTeletubby101 Wed 29-Mar-17 19:48:09

Hello everyone,

Thanks for taking time to read. I've name changed as I've posted a few times about my shit relationship yet there's now another "problem" as such.

I'll try keep it short but I want your truthful opinions. I'm 24, I have 2 DS's (5 & 20 months), I've been with partner for 9 years. He has a good job (well paid), I work part time in a office to fit around the school run, we bought our own house together over 3 years ago. On paper and to outside we have the perfect life - yet this is far far from the truth.

September 2016 he told me he was leaving and didn't love me anymore and couldn't stand the arguing - made out it was MY fault. He left and I had a massive gut feeling he was involved with someone at work. I didn't understand how as he was always home though. After some digging after he left I found out via phone bill he had been constantly texting and calling a female colleague. He went on a works night out and there were pictures of them together. Christmas was coming up and I begged him to come back. He come back even though he didn't really want to and said he wanted to try. I knew his heart wasn't in it. 2 weeks before Christmas I knew something was up - i found out he had took OW out behind my back. I text her abuse when I found out telling her what she had done to me and my sons and karma will get her. She wasn't sorry - just said there was nothing between her and my DH. So he told me he thinks he's in love with her but she's not interested - POOR HIM. He never moved out. He stayed around for Xmas and we just had minimal conversation.

So after Christmas he finally sat down and spoke to me and said we are going to give it another go for the new year and give it our best shot - yet he still hasn't left his job/hasn't looked for anything despite him promising me he would in JAN. We are early in APRIL. So he's been up and down constantly. Blowing hot and cold and I hate it. One min he wants to talk to me and the next nothing. I ask him every day what's wrong - he says "nothing I'm fine" or "tired".

We have still been having occasional sex - not as much as before but about 1-2 times a week.

PinkTeletubby101 Wed 29-Mar-17 19:51:13

It posted before I finished FFS. So yeah, I was on the pill but stopped taking last month. I did tell him. We still had sex and he had been pulling out (sorry tmi). It's going to sound like I'm making this up but I went to a sexual health clinic last week to get checked and get an coil fitted, they did a pregnancy test before they went to fit the coil and it was positive. He hasn't even noticed I've had no period for 6 weeks. I can't even talk to him because I'm afraid he will go off the rails. I'm booked in for a termination but I feel so guilty because I have two precious baby's already and I could have another one yet my relationship isn't right for having another baby

PinkTeletubby101 Wed 29-Mar-17 19:53:35

So here I am. Feeling guilty, stupid, no one to talk to, alone. I will be going through this alone. It feels like it's not happening at the moment as I have literally no symptoms. I asked him the other day in a conversation if he could see himself having more children - he said no, never, the two we have is hard enough and I agree. Yet I feel guilty.

Cricrichan Wed 29-Mar-17 19:57:43

Hi lovely.

It doesn't sound like a great time to have another child. You're young and you have two kids already. Do what you think is best for you and the kids you already have xxx

PinkTeletubby101 Wed 29-Mar-17 19:57:43

So when I call my relationship unsatisfying - he doesn't really want to talk to me anymore, sit with me etc. I question him about this and he denies it. I'm just so alone

RainbowsAndUnicorn Wed 29-Mar-17 19:58:28

Unprotected sex leads to pregnancy so surely neither of you should be surprised. Sounds like you both need to behave like adults and make some sensible decisions.

PinkTeletubby101 Wed 29-Mar-17 19:59:29

And I know having another child WILL NOT make this situation better. I know first hand children test your relationship. It's hard/stressful with children yet I feel awful. What is my life not even being able to tell my other half I'm pregnant because I'm scared of his reaction.

PinkTeletubby101 Wed 29-Mar-17 20:01:18

I would love to be able to kick him out and just get on with my life yet I feel like a can't cope without him if that makes sense. He has treated me terribly.

itsacatastrophe Wed 29-Mar-17 20:09:07

I think you need to get him to leave. It doesn't sound like a relationship that's going to lead to happiness. It sounds quite a depressing environment for you 2dc to be in.
As for the pregnancy, if you think you can cope with 3 under 3 on your own then go for it, other woman do do it. It's hard, but not impossible.
However if you really don't think you can cope then have a termination. Only you can make that choice. flowers

Mamaka Wed 29-Mar-17 21:38:40

It sounds like if you terminate the pregnancy and stay in the relationship you will end up bitterly resentful of him and questioning your decision to terminate.

I personally would keep the baby and ditch the man.

Wingsofdesire Wed 29-Mar-17 22:18:21

keep the baby and stuff the guy

he cheated and more

the baby deserves you way more than he does

terminate the guy ...

Wingsofdesire Wed 29-Mar-17 22:19:47

if you terminate the baby you will HATE your husband

so may as well ditch him now and have baby

Haffdonga Wed 29-Mar-17 22:25:42

Very honestly, you sound guilty about having a termination but you don't sound like you want to have another baby with this horrible man.

Feeling guilty is not good reason to go through with an unwanted pregnancy. That leads to a lifetime of far worse guilt.

I'm sorry but from what you say you are making the right decision to terminate the pregnancy and the relationship.Neither of them would be positive for your life and current children.

elephantcuddles Thu 30-Mar-17 00:01:06

Do you want to have another baby? Can you handle another child?

You say you feel like you can't be without him. Why is that? What does he add to your life? Does he help out a lot with the kids now? Would you consider having the baby and giving him or her up for adoption?

You have a lot to consider right now and it's understandable you're feeling overwhelmed. The worst thing you could do right now is to make a decision before you're 100% ready to do so. You need a clear mind before you can make the decision and it seems like in your current environment, it's hard to get clarity. You two need to sit down and have a really honest discussion about this and everything else.

WildBelle Thu 30-Mar-17 01:22:47

Looks like your relationship is doomed, having a termination is nothing to feel guilty about. You have enough on your hands as it is. I've had a termination and tortured myself over it, and no it wasn't the best day of my life but afterwards I felt relief more than anything. Also, it's looking likely that you may end up as a single parent anyway, and the two child limit to benefits means you would be entitled to any extra TAx credits for a new baby, which is something to think about.

But I don't know why you can't tell him? Must be awful keeping it to yourself. Sounds like he's kind of checked out of the situation anyway so probably won't try to stop you having an abortion, and will be maybe able to offer you some support, or at least take the kids off your hands after you've had it?

sassysarahlou Thu 30-Mar-17 08:13:07

I agree with Wingsofdesire & Mamaka.

I ask keep the baby and leave the guy to it...

I'm in the a similar situation, I am 15 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby. My DD will be 2 in June. I have been unhappy since I was first pregnant because OH didn't want me to contunie with the pregnancy.
He is better now, he loves her to bits but doesn't help me out at all, want a 50's housewife (with manly lifting stills) but refuses to marry me or put me on the morgage.
He hasn't done anything wrong like cheating but he doesn't repect me, talks to me like shit and has no sympathy for illnesses or family bereavements.
So he sets me teeth on edge, i feel like a can't talk to him about anything anymore as he upsets me and we end up arguing.
I don't want these babies seeing me soo unhappy.
I am currently looking at rented houses.

Goog luck with your decision hunni


hellsbellsmelons Thu 30-Mar-17 08:50:58

Your body - your decision.
You decide what is best for YOU and your DC right now.
You know your relationship will have to end.
He's not good for you at all.
So how would life be with 3 kids as a single mum.
Could you do it alone?

Personally, I think your decision to terminate is the right one.
You will feel guilty either way.

Wishing you lots of strength.

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