We're both 29. Been together 1.5 yrs, not married, don't live together, no kids. We spend about 3-4 nights a week at each other's houses.
He talks and walks in his sleep quite a bit. But occasionally he touches me too. The first few times I was asleep and sort of woke up feeling all turned on and sleepy and confused. I responded to him (kissing and touching him back) which woke him up I guess, and he stopped and apologised and seemed confused. We went back to sleep, but I felt pretty rejected. Like he'd woken up, realised it was me, and decided he didn't want me after all! It wasn't traumatic in any way, I just felt a bit shit.
Then the next time I was awake when he started it. I brushed him off a few times, and in the end had to get out of bed and wake him up. Again, he woke up and apologised and seemed confused. I felt really disrespected (rightly or wrongly - he was asleep afterall!) So we had a chat the next day, and I told him it wasn't ok. He obviously knows it isn't ok. He said it has happened before with an ex girlfriend. And it also happened at a party when he shared a bed with a male friend of his, and ended up having an experience he didn't want basically. He hasn't shared a bed with anyone since then (about 3 yrs ago) til meeting me. He says he has very little memory of it, but he is aware when it has happened. It seems to happen when he's been drinking, so we agreed we wouldn't share a bed if he's drunk.
Anyway, then it happened a few more times - each time after just one or two drinks. A few times I have been asleep, and like the first times I woke feeling turned on and responded and got rejected again. And a few times where I just felt annoyed and once or twice when i've felt like he is a fucking dickhead and totally invaded my privacy and it feels awful. Even when I don't feel like that, I don't like being woken up to be rejected, or woken up to have to fend him off funnily enough!! He seems mortified the next day, apologises a lot, etc etc.
Anyway, so we then had another talk. We agreed we wouldn't share a bed even if he just has had one drink. And we talked about him going to see a GP. He hasn't.
All fine. A few months pass. He still talks and thrashes about in his sleep etc, but no sexual incidents for months and months.
Until a few nights ago! We hadn't been drinking at all. And it happened anyway. I just don't know what to do about it really. I don't know what it means, if it means anything. I don't know if it is normal, or common, or ok. But I don't like it, so it doesn't really matter if it is 'ok' because it isn't to me.
Nothing else in the relationship is a problem. We have a lovely time, are very much in a blissed out honeymoon period, have an awesome sex life, we just generally get on so well. But, like.... wtf?? Why does he do this?? He seems very embarrassed about it. But I think if he was serious about stopping it, he would see a GP or something. I am seeing him tomorrow and want a plan of how to talk about it with him, and an idea of what to suggest.
I also have in the back of my mind that I am overreacting. I have been married before (got married v young! But y'know, life lesson and all that... ;) ) and my ex and I used to have sleepy sex and it was lovely actually. So I know this sort of sex started when half asleep happens. But this situation with my boyfriend feels different. Im not sure why.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
My boyfriend touches me when he's asleep
21 replies
Soos778866 · 29/03/2017 09:51
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.