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Getting the spark back

(6 Posts)
user1485875936 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:40:57

I feel like my marriage is breaking or already broken.
Husband and I have lost our spark and even ability to have conversations. I love him want to be with him but I don't think he feels the same.
I start conversations and get limited replies. He spends most of our evenings on his phone.
He says something feels broken but he doesn't know what it is or how to fix it and I have no idea what to do or how to fix us.

Any tips of re igniting the spark? What's worked for others.
Sex isn't the issue... that's still good but loving intimacy - hugs and embraces are becoming less and less.

This has been going on for months now and I feel like I could leave tomorrow and he wouldn't fight to get me / us back.

I fee so sad and don't know what to do.Everything I am trying isn't working.
Advice welcome.

RubyBluesey Tue 28-Mar-17 23:17:49

How can the sex be good if you don't even talk? Perhaps suggest he puts his phone away in the eves

Dadaist Thu 30-Mar-17 08:53:50

I do feel for you OP. And I'm not sure what the answer is - perhaps you are trying too hard? I wonder if you become more independent, self assured and feel attractive in yourself it might get him to notice you more? Of course when you are feeling hurt, neglected and unloved it can be so hard to behave the opposite!
Maybe look to have fun, flirting, playfulness rather than heavy conversation as it may help to reconnect better than talking?
You don't say how long you've been married, any DCs and how long it's been like this. But he as to feel that he needs to try or he won't respond I guess.

TheNaze73 Thu 30-Mar-17 08:59:16

I think you're making a lot of assumptions for him. If you don't talk, how do you know sex is mutually good?

Belle1102 Thu 30-Mar-17 09:03:35

Is your relationship very routine? That can be difficult for some people so maybe that's why he's feeling a bit fed up. Could you have a fun day out/night out together doing something really different? Or how about showing him that you still love him by cooking him a nice meal and wearing something sexy.
I would also say though - don't ever be the one in a relationship to make all the effort! If your husband has emotionally checked out of the relationship and isn't willing to even attempt to make things better then you're just wasting your time and it's only a matter of time til you end up splitting up.
If he does want to try make it work then he needs to put that phone away! Even just for a bit so you can share a couple of hours of quality time together most evenings. What is he doing on his phone that takes up so much time?!

floraeasy Thu 30-Mar-17 10:48:28

You're both stuck in a rut.

If you have a good sex life, however, that's something to build on as sex often goes out the window too.

Can you afford a trip somewhere? Redecorate the whole house? Have an adventure together? If your evenings consist of coming home, watching TV and eating dinner and going to bed, you are both going to be a bit fed-up and listless.

What's work like for you both? Maybe your husband is tired of work.

How old are you both (midlife crises?)
How long have you been together?

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