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I've got a first date day after tomorrow and I am really nervous

(20 Posts)
EElisavetaOfBelsornia Tue 28-Mar-17 21:41:44

I split from abusive ex in July last year (thank you Mumsnetters). Signed up for OLD recently, and after a few creeps and idiots I have started chatting to someone who seems nice, normal and acceptably geeky about history and Dickens. I'm going to take the plunge and meet for coffee Thursday morning. I am now getting really nervous and not sure if it's too early to be thinking about dating (I've never 'dated', feels really alien) or if I'm just wobbling. Any advice from anyone who has done this?

ImperialBlether Tue 28-Mar-17 21:42:57

Don't think of it as a date. He sounds interesting - think of it as meeting someone who could be a good friend, then take it from there.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Tue 28-Mar-17 21:48:31

Thanks Imperial - that would take the pressure off a bit I think. He seems very easy to talk to, I can get quite tongue tied with strangers but had a couple of phone calls and got on well.

BlueFolly Tue 28-Mar-17 21:58:09

You can get away from a bad coffee date in 25 minutes without looking rude, so it's quite low risk really.

It's totally normal to feel nervous, I was sooo tempted to cancel my first internet date in the run up. Sooo glad I didn't! grin.

JK1773 Tue 28-Mar-17 22:14:17

Have a lovely time, he is just a new friend for now. No pressure at all

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Tue 28-Mar-17 23:17:43

Did it go well BlueFolly ?

Judbarian Tue 28-Mar-17 23:54:56

It sounds like you have a lot in common. Even if you feel a bit nervous, brazen it out and give him a big smile when you first meet, that will relax him and it'll all go well (hopefully) from there.

Presuming you've sent him accurate photos and described yourself as you are then he already likes you so it's just a case of seeing if you get along and share a spark in person.

Flyinggeese Wed 29-Mar-17 00:07:53

Hey OP great advice from Imperial to not think if it as a date. A morning coffee is 'light' enough to not be a huge deal. Great you have common interests so guaranteed stuff to talk about. I hope you have a lovely morning and enjoy it. He'll be nervous too so perhaps focus on that fact a bit?

TheNaze73 Wed 29-Mar-17 07:40:30

Just don't sweat the small stuff & over think it. You're going for a coffee that's it. Your only mission, should you choose to accept it, is to see whether you get on well enough, for him to warrant a second date with you. Look no further ahead than that. If there's no sexual spark, you'll have gained a friend & if there is, then jobs a good un'.

Trills Wed 29-Mar-17 07:42:37

Remember that you are deciding what YOU think about him. Not just trying to make him like you.

LorLorr2 Wed 29-Mar-17 07:48:29

May I ask what site you used? And it's tootally understandable to get cold feet before a first date. It's nerve wracking for everyone! Try to see the exciting side though instead of the scary one. It's a bit of fun and you've found someone friendly to meet up with for coffee, sounds good to me!

cosytoaster Wed 29-Mar-17 07:55:00

Remember that you are deciding what YOU think about him. Not just trying to make him like you

^ this is fantastic advice. If you have already spoken on the 'phone and have some shared interests I'm sure it'll be fine, and if it isn't then it's an hour lost that's all.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Wed 29-Mar-17 21:35:47

Thank you all for your responses! LorLorr it was Match, recommended by a friend.

Great advice. Don't look too far ahead, think of it as meeting a friend, see what I think of him too.

I'm still nervous though!!

Flyinggeese Wed 29-Mar-17 22:25:16

Nervous or a bit excited too?

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Thu 30-Mar-17 11:42:08

Well. He cancelled by text at 11pm last night. Apparently me being a single mother and having limited availability for evening dates is an issue. I do get that, but it still feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth - I was up front about that from early on. And I have friends who are single and childless who make early dates daytime anyway, to give an easy 'out' if it doesn't go well.

I feel a bit down now, especially as STBXH chose this morning to tell me how well his life is going - new GF who has a rich family. And DD2 is not sleeping well so I'm permanently exhausted. I think I'll give OLD a miss for a while, there's enough other stress in my life, and men only add to that sad

DaringDating Thu 30-Mar-17 11:58:09

Hey OP, try reading "The Winning Dating Forumla for Women over 50 - 7 steps to attracting Quality Men". Sounds horrible and American and it is for older folks, but its a great book for every age.

It probably does feel like a kick in the teeth flowers but don't let it stop you. Think of all your wonderful qualities and all the positive things you can do with your life.

ocelot7 Thu 30-Mar-17 12:05:50

flowers He's just one man - It's disappointing but don't let it put you off. When you get used to OLD you will take this in your stride

Maybe chat to 2-3 men at a time and line up coffees with all & see how it goes. It IS a good idea to meet up for quick daytime coffees for a first meet so don't be put off that either! smile

LorLorr2 Thu 30-Mar-17 17:51:30

Oh, that's a pain! It sounds more like he was having second thoughts rather than being bothered about what time you can go on dates. You deserve someone who does more to be able to see you than that!
Keep looking after yourself, they say that sometimes love comes when you aren't seeking it!

user1490538976 Thu 30-Mar-17 18:10:34

What a nightmare ...hope you don't give up hope nice guys do exsist.
I was dating someone I met on match and we dated for 4 months morning he left my flat and I never heard from him again.
I'm back on match again hoping to meet someone better

cosytoaster Fri 31-Mar-17 08:01:07

Bad luck OP, this isn't unusual in the world of OLD unfortunately and you do need to be pretty resilient to cope. There are nice guys out there amongst the dickheads but it may be an idea to focus on yourself and friends until you feel ready to re-enter the fray flowers

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