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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Struggling with break up

(24 Posts)
motheralmighty1 Tue 28-Mar-17 10:50:13

Hi everyone,
I'm in a bad way. My relationships just ended and we apparently can't even be friends. This guys messed me around for the past 3 years but he's the love of my life. I have depression too. I've lost my best friend. I can't eat or sleep.

I'm scared I won't find anybody else who'll accept me and my daughter and depression. I feel so lost and alone. Has anybody been in a similar situation who can offer me hope?

Bones2017 Tue 28-Mar-17 10:52:10

He can't be the love of your life if he's messed you around lovely. The love of your life would make you feel like a princess. Lots of love. You'll get through this. Time is a healer xx

motheralmighty1 Tue 28-Mar-17 10:55:18

I really thought we had something and he loved me. Everything is reminding me of him, and he's cut me off now too. I feel wretched sad xx

Bones2017 Tue 28-Mar-17 11:10:48

What do you mean when you say he's messed you around? X

MyUsername200 Tue 28-Mar-17 11:13:52

Take it one day at a time at the moment.

It's such a cliché but time is a good healer.

When my ex split up with me, I felt like the world had ended. I felt really horrible for a while. Not a good time but the only way was through. Like you, everything reminded me of him, I found it difficult to even go out into the city centre as I'd see places we'd been, parks we'd walked in etc. The hurt does lessen in time I can assure you and one day you will smile and laugh again. My ex also cut me off straight after the split (he finished with me and I've never heard from him since) so that was difficult to process but when I look back now I am glad he did it, meant I didn't know what he was up to etc & the no contact did me the world of good. I could accept what had happened and heal in my own way without hearing from him.

Be kind to yourself. flowers brew I found small snacks such as soup, or even a sugary cup of tea helped massively.

CupOfJoe Tue 28-Mar-17 11:20:25

I'm really sorry to hear this, OP. It's immensely difficult to experience.
Do you have anything to distract yourself with today? I found contacting friends and family really helped me in a similar situation.

It will get easier. xx

fallenempires Tue 28-Mar-17 11:37:31

Oh lovely,so sorry for you.It really is the worst kind of pain.Which AD's are you taking?flowers

motheralmighty1 Tue 28-Mar-17 11:40:25

Thankyou ladies. Well he's said he doesn't want a relationship then he does for the past 3 years I've literally been so up and down. I know in the long run I'm better off but I just feel so terrible right now. I've been to the gp and my mums looking after me. I just can't bear it and the fact he's completely ok. He said he wants to sleep with other girls and I can't bear it x

motheralmighty1 Tue 28-Mar-17 11:41:34

I'm on fluoxetine xx

Zaphodsotherhead Tue 28-Mar-17 11:45:33

The fact he's cut you off dead is probably for the best - would you want to hear all about him sleeping with other girls? I know it's hard, but staying friends would just have tortured you.

It will hurt like hell for a while, but they really are right that time is a healer. Concentrate on yourself and your DD for a while, get all traces of his presence out of your home and wait for the anger to arrive.

I feel for you though. It's beyond horrible.

motheralmighty1 Tue 28-Mar-17 11:53:40

No you're right. I don't have many friends so now I don't know what I'm going to do with my time. We usually spent weekends together while my daughters with her dad and I'm going to find it so hard. I feel like I'm falling apart x

Adora10 Tue 28-Mar-17 12:09:39

You are not ready for a relationship with anyone esp a git like him who makes you feel even more depressed; spend the time now getting to know yourself better and get the best treatment/medication and then slowly build yourself up; I am sure this arsehole was contributing to your depression; this is not love OP; you may feel dependant on him but that will soon ease off, especially if you start finding things to keep yourself occupied.

fallenempires Tue 28-Mar-17 12:25:46

Oh no wonder you're depressed.Sounds like you've been struggling with the relationship for some time.Loving somebody shouldn't be painful.
How are you getting on with the fluoxetine?

motheralmighty1 Tue 28-Mar-17 14:18:01

Thanks ladies you're right I'm better off without him. I just feel like I'll never be happy again. It hurts like hell and I'm really struggling. As I said I don't have many friends to turn to or a job to keep me busy. Mostly I just stay staring at four walls waiting to finally lose it cause it feels like it's going to happen.

fallenempires Tue 28-Mar-17 15:04:09

It's still raw so you're bound to be hurting badly right now.Be gentle with yourself and try if you can to distract your mind whether that be planning your dd's evening meal or reading MN.
Plenty of us have been where you are now.flowers

motheralmighty1 Tue 28-Mar-17 15:17:41

I've been out today with my mum and my daughter but it's just left me feeling exhausted really. I'm dreading going home tonight alone. I just want to be happy and it feels like I never will be especially now x

fallenempires Tue 28-Mar-17 15:23:36

That's understandable,your body has gone into shock.As I say try to take things steady and don't expect yourself to be up to much.

Adora10 Tue 28-Mar-17 16:48:46

We've all been there OP and there is no easy fix; it will be up to you to do something about the four walls; you will have to find things to occupy yourself with; we've all had to do that when a relationship ends and you've been used to spending your evenings and weekends with that person.

Your life will get better and you will be happier; there was nothing about him that was a best friend; soul mate or even a decent boyfriend; he treated you like crap.

You just need to fill your life with things that make you happy, not having a man, any man just so you are not on your own.

motheralmighty1 Tue 28-Mar-17 17:04:52

You're both right, tbankyou. It's just so painful. I don't know what I can do to keep myself busy. My daughters constant and hard work too doesn't sleep and just found out my mum has a worrying mole and due to my anxiety I'm panicking and thinking the worst. I just feel like there's constant bad stuff happening and I can't breathe

AprilKATsmith95 Tue 28-Mar-17 20:49:12

There will bw somebody out there who loves you and adores you. Somebody much better will come sweep you off your feet and show you why it never worked out with any one else. But major first step is to love yourself and enjoy your own company and get your independce back! Spend time with your little one and enjoy being a pair together it's all a lot easier said then done but it all takes times and try keep your mind busy I love reading or walking with my headphones in or baking with my little boy or doing something active with him to keep my mind busy. Worse thing to do is sit in the house over thinking. Hope it all gets sorted soon for you. ❤

motheralmighty1 Wed 29-Mar-17 10:21:27

Thankyou April. I'm struggling to find something to do today with my daughter as we can't drive I have. I money and it's raining. I'm not as weepy today and eating but inside I just feel so empty and broken sad

TheNaze73 Wed 29-Mar-17 14:46:28

You've made the classic mistake of being reliant on him.

Learn to be happy by yourself, maybe join friends group & expand your network.

AprilKATsmith95 Wed 29-Mar-17 15:25:32

Maybe just turn on some happy music dance around and do some house work or something silly there's loads of stuff online that you could made with your little on like arts ans crafts or games silly little things but sometimes they keep the mind busy and take each day as it comes just have to really push yourself into getting up and ready for the day sometimes when i get down I do a massive sort out of my house and toys and clothes and then when its all done I feel so fresh with it all being clean and my mind being busy for a couple hours I always have the radio on too because then i don't feel so alone listening to other people's random chat and thinking about that and the tidying. It all seems like really silly stuff but maybe it will help xx

motheralmighty1 Thu 30-Mar-17 10:11:52

Yeah im going to force myself to take my little girl out today on a long walk smile I tried contacting him yesterday but he's ignored me I feel like everything he's said has been a lie so sod him! It hurts though sad x

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