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What am I doing wrong ? Obviously doing something to scare them off . Constructive advice please ? X

(10 Posts)
Tinkerbellx Tue 28-Mar-17 10:20:32

I ended my 25 year marriage 3 years ago . It was a bad marriage and more of an escape to be honest . Very happy as hard as it was to be single .
It was very scary at 45 to date for the first time ever .( met ex at 17 ).
I met one lovely man about a year after being on my own and we had a 1 year friendship which turned into romance and subsequently ended on good terms .I did fall for him and felt something I'd never felt before . No idea if that was because he was the first man after my long loveless marriage or what but I did . It was lovely to know what a relationship can feel like and I'm really glad I met him when I did.
Then about about a year ago I decided to try on online dating having been single for 3 years .
I try and fit in a couple of dates a month ,often one , often none , sometimes a couple .
It was seriously scary the first few times but I gained in confidence and have probably been on 20 now .
Apart from one every single man I've met I can honestly say seemed nice . They all appeared very genuine and were great company .
A few asked to see me again and I was honest and declined .
Every one I've liked hasn't asked to see me again though .
Now I must be getting something wrong because 3 times ( or more ) now I've been on a date and left with that lovely warm feeling that it went really well . Each time I've either been ghosted or he's gone cool or just said he'd like to see me as a friend but felt no chemistry to date .
Now on Sunday I over invested .
Out of all the dates he really blew me over .He was the first guy I've met who straight away I was attracted to physically, but more importantly we laughed and seemed to click.
We drank wine in the sun in a great venue and I ended the date as planned to visit my mum as it was Mother's Day but both wanted to stay longer I think ,
So in the car park when we parted I don't know what's expected but he may have gone to kiss me and I hugged him like I would my friends ?
I never know what to do here if I like someone because I am quite reserved if I don't know someone ?
I think I looked ok but I didn't have much time to be honest .
I had no idea that I was attractive unless my marriage ended but I'm quite confident I am now and I feel very lucky in that department . I'm a size 12 with a g cup bust and my hair is in fairly good condition , blonde and very long ( I always wear is in a loose braid to the side ) .
I must admit I don't do the whole manicure or designer labels , I have a demanding career and children to bring up so I just don't have the time .

So when we parted I said I'd message him and he replied that would be lovely. About 4 hrs later he messaged me saying thank you a lovely date and hoped I had a great afternoon following .
We exchanged a few nice texts that evening while I was out but I just got a feeling he didn't feel the same .
Then yesterday my phone broke so I was able to let him know I would be off air until I got it sorted .
Phone fixed today and sent a message as we usually do saying good morning and he replied but defineely cooler and he always puts a kiss and hasnt .
I don't like to over analyse but I am ! I sound like a teenager I know .
Should I just leave it and if he wants to see me again he'll ask or what ?

I liked him too much and think maybe I should just leave my phone alone and get busy ?

Any tips for me please because my confidence is shattering as I seem to be getting it wrong and it must be me ?
I think I'm looking too hard maybe and I probably am because I almost too keen for a relationship now instead of enjoying my me time ? X

RavioliOnToast Tue 28-Mar-17 10:24:03

Could you not carry on with OLD and instead of looking for a potential partner and analyzing everything, just relax and enjoy yourself? If nothing comes of it you've had a nice date, good company and it was fun while it lasted? It might be good to meet lots of new people and go out and just enjoy being you for a while after being married for a long time and being with him from such a young age.

ohdoadoodoo Tue 28-Mar-17 10:27:39

I'd hold fire on sending any more messages and see what happens! Could be something as simple as him just having a crappy morning!

Wellitwouldbenice Tue 28-Mar-17 10:28:23

You lost me when you felt it necessary to mention your bra size.

Tinkerbellx Tue 28-Mar-17 10:34:43

Thanks really .
A bit hormonal today to be honest so def overthinkingX

Blobby10 Tue 28-Mar-17 10:50:42

Tinkerbellx what have you got to lose by messaging him? At least you will know one way or the other if he enjoyed the date as much as you did!! Keep it lighthearted and say you'd love to see him again.

If he doesn't respond then you have your answer but IMO it saves a lot of time and energy which would have been spent stressing and over-analysing!

Good luck xx

Jazzywazzydodah Tue 28-Mar-17 10:59:46

I think OLD is very tricky. I think a lot of men are in there for not the same reason as you.

This guy nights have been busy etc.. but I'd listen to your instinct as it's never rarely wrong. I'd wait till her calls you and look at joining clubs or dance classss etc.. where you can get the measure of some one rather than OLD.

I think lots of women go on there as they are vulnerable and just left relationships and it's easy pickings for men who just want to serial date. I have been in OLD myself years ago and met all kinds of time wasters.

Jazzywazzydodah Tue 28-Mar-17 11:00:12

By the way - your probably not doing anything wrong

MissCherryCakeyBun Tue 28-Mar-17 12:11:31

I was in a similar situation as was DP when we met through OLD we had both got to the point we decided to look for friendship and then see what happened as we both worked in places you won't meet many people other than colleagues. We each had had terrible dates during the OLD process and got to the point we laughed about it.
When you look for friendship first it gets round the whole kissing hugging thing at the end of dates.
We clicked as friends and then slowly fell in love and 4 years later are blissfully happy. So it can work.
There are many OLD sites out there some better than others we met through POF. There are plenty of Sharks on there done wary but also some wonderful men.
Look for friendship and see what progresses

hellsbellsmelons Tue 28-Mar-17 14:35:38

I've no idea about this sort of thing
Can you just text him and ask him on a 2nd date.
Say, no pressure, if you aren't interested you can tell me.
And see what happens from there?

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