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Depression am I ok to say no talking about it in mornings?

(10 Posts)
Eatingcheeseontoast Tue 28-Mar-17 07:26:40

DH is depressed because he lost his job and has had years of stress.

Getting a new job would help him greatly but it's hard where we live, I gave a good job that will be hard to replicate elsewhere.

We're stuck in uncertainty and catch 22 and he's full of regret at how he left his job. He's seeing the GP, a therapist and on ADs.

Anyway he's worse in the mornings and can be very negative, spiralling downwards and endlessly repetitive about the situation in the morning. This leads me feeling an emotional wreck by the time I've got to work puffy eyed, desperately worried and exhausted emotionally.

I know he gets more rTionsl as the day goes on and so I've suggested we don't talk about it in the morning . Is this a bad approach?

NormaSmuff Tue 28-Mar-17 08:05:47

but i assume you dont see him all day, he is just getting it off his chest.
that must be good that he is getting it out in the open?

NormaSmuff Tue 28-Mar-17 08:06:21

Does he have a routine in the house?

Chops2016 Tue 28-Mar-17 08:10:52

It's a tough one. Its hard to see the big picture when you're suffering from depression. When I was suffering from PND the mornings were always worst for me as well. I didn't want to get out of bed, just wanted to sleep the days away, but couldn't because my newborn needed me. Its very hard to think rationally when your head is in such a bad place.

However, he does need to make an effort not to drag you down. Have you explained to him how it is affecting you? He won't want to hear it but he needs to take it on board.

I don't think your idea is a bad approach, it is a practical one. He needs to understand that although you love him and support him you are under a lot of pressure too, and being depressed doesn't give you a white card to disregard everybody else's needs and emotions.

Is he being proactive in tackling his depression? If he is I would be inclined to be more patient with him (although would still stick with the no morning talks rule). If he is just wallowing then I'd find it harder to be patient.

Its hard being the partner of somebody with depression and you're often overlooked with support. flowers

rumred Tue 28-Mar-17 08:12:37

I think it's worth a try. He really shouldn't be burdening you with it before work. Give it a go.
Ideally he needs to be learning better ways of dealing with it though. Perhaps his therapist could help with strategies

HermioneJeanGranger Tue 28-Mar-17 08:16:17

Can he write it all down instead of offloading into you everyday?

expatinscotland Tue 28-Mar-17 08:19:25

He needs to write it down. Tell him to write it down instead.

sonlypuppyfat Tue 28-Mar-17 09:49:01

I've been in your shoes. In the end I told him, my backs not broad enough to carry your problems all day. Be there for him but he should leave you be in the morning

Eatingcheeseontoast Tue 28-Mar-17 12:16:30

Thank you all so much. You've no idea how much your comments have helped.

Just back from GPs to up his dose. He's talking so negatively and I'm not sure I'm doing the right things or saying the right things.

His big blind spot is seeing the effect he has on others so I do need to find a sensitive way of saying that he needs to hold off in the morning.

Writing it down is a good suggestion.

He is trying to do all the right things for depression but is in a v dark place.

Catrina1234 Tue 28-Mar-17 19:07:13

I suffer from recurring depression and mornings are sometimes awful and they're definitely the worst time of day. Mind we're both retired and so I just stay under the duvet and wait for it to lift. However I do keep a journal and no matter how bad I feel I write in it - suggest that to your DH.

Don't worry about whether you're saying the right thing. When depression is very bad, you just can't see a chink of light and I often feel suicidal at such times. SO sorry your DH is in such a dark place. I can't stress enough the torment of depression. Obviously there are some things not to say e.g. "pull yourself together/cheer up" - sorry I'm sure you know that.

Re mornings - if you don't have the time I think you just need to tell him that - re-assure him he might pick up during the day.

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