Hello Mumsnet.
Hope everyone's ok....
Really not sure what I am asking for here. Understanding or similar 'this worked out' stories or advice all welcome!
Nutshell - single mum to 4 year old. Her dad rarely has her (it's complicated) I'm exhausted, worn out & just turned 40 😳
A few dates/sexual encounters since I split with DD dad 3 years ago but have pretty much single handedly brought her up & had no time to get into serious relationships as don't want to introduce anyone to DD early on & her dad has her basically around 1-2 nights a month & don't want anyone staying over til they have met DD. Plus usually exhausted & not really up for entertaining in the eves! Too tired.
I've met someone. There's a spark.
He's extremely cool. Generous. Open. Thoughtful. Has expressed an interest in me. Big time.
I want this. I want a partner & I think it's him. But I just feel I don't have time or energy or opportunities for this to grow.
He met my daughter the other day as helped me with something & it involved him coming to my home. Introduced as a friend. Not a big deal.
I'm terrified & don't want to move too fast, but at the same time he has given me back something I kind of lost. When I'm with him I feel strong. Attractive.
How can I do this?
I should also add (& this is relevant) that me & DD have a great time but on a small budget. I work 25 hrs PW & we are not exactly rich...
He is clearly not in the same position financially... In fact he took me out for dinner on second date & bill was £200... Which I think is insane.... And I feel anxious about that too.
Any advice or input welcome. Torn between running away & enjoying every minute 
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I really want this and I'm really terrified.....
drowningindaffodils · 27/03/2017 20:14
A wise Mner told me, when I had basically the same dilemma of kids, no time, etc... (though different circumstances leading up to it) that once one has had kids or are a bit older, there are always going to be complications. So, eventually, if you don't want to remain single, you'll need to take the risk of investing time and emotional capital in a relationship.
On a practical level - your DD is 4, so at school, or soon will be? Would daytime dates ever work while she's there - lunch or a coffee? We did a lot of that, as my evenings were too busy to get together a lot then.
Or you could try to find a friend to do babysitting swapsies with?
In some ways I think it was good for our relationship, that arrangements had to always fit around my childcare plans (and work, and housework, and the dog..) - it meant he got to understand the realty of my life really quickly. If he hadn't been keen on fitting in, or had taken it personally when I had to cancel dates at short notice, then I'd have been able to weed him or quickly.
On the costs... very quickly we went to taking it in turns to pay. When it was my turn I would cook, or pack up a picnic. When it was his, sometimes we'd go somewhere expensive. Having said that, if he regularly spent £200 on a night out I'd probably have concluded that we weren't a good long-term fit for each other, but as we had just as much time when we stayed in and played scrabble (not a euphemism 
) it didn't bother me what we did - we had fun whatever.
Whatever you decide, good luck. 
Drowning I'm sure you didnt mean it to, but you sounded quite flip about his child - "He has a kid who he has EOW" ...
Anyway, yes you're getting ahead of yourself just chill out and enjoy it - and the only problem with men with money is when they lead with money - as he did with the £200 meal splashed on a virtual stranger.... Hopefully he can come up with more imaginative, less showy stuff for future dates because I think that's a good trait to have.
Date him and enjoy it and if it's right it will just flow naturally wont it 
Agree, take it slow and just enjoy.
I'm in a similar situation with dc and only 2 nights to myself a month. Dp and I have been dating over a year now. We might not see as much of each other as some couples but it works for us - both busy lives and I need time to myself also to destress. We keep in contact a lot via messaging instead.
Our 'dates' are more hanging around takeaway coffee in hand at the park or watching Harry Potter with dc than candlelit dinners and romantic weekends away. She has made it clear that she knew at the start what my life entailed and is happy with it.
I hate the fact I have less money to spend than her but while she may take me out to dinner, I spend time cooking nice meals for us. She appreciates that as she detests cooking
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