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Socialising as a separated 40yo. Would rather hide away!

(7 Posts)
FeelingClueless Mon 27-Mar-17 10:00:50

I met up with an old friend recently. I was excited to find he has been living in the same city as me. I'm separated less than a year after over 15 years and not a lot of local friends yet.

We were good friends for about 10 years, lost touch after i had DC and left work. It was lovely to catch up but argghhh.... I do NOT like socialising as a single woman. 40, single, mother, in pubs - is so weird. i was so concious of my behaviour. I even thought I might have given the wrong impression by dressing nicely. Urgh. Im too old for this. Not liking it at all.

I can't judge the situation either. We were good friends once but he knew my H too. I never felt odd about things then. Can i resume a platonic friendship as a 40 year old separated woman? I still feel like part of a couple. It really made me miss my marriage.

He's so lovely but even with my rusty radar it felt like it was different with him. i made it clear I only wanted to be friends. He was chatting about catching up to watch a DVD or have dinner etc. We both have a lot of free time.

I think I only like women friends now. That is very old fashioned isn't it?

Any advice?

FeelingClueless Mon 27-Mar-17 13:25:10

Guessing I'm not the only one to find socialising after years in a relationship uncomfortable. Not sure I even need advice, just sharing the awkwardness!

Chasingsquirrels Mon 27-Mar-17 13:33:59

I don't know how to socialise, and am not very social.
God knows how I got together with Late-DH after exH left.
I'm a total home lover and went out with DH because he wanted to.
I'm damn sure I'll want to meet someone else in the future but I've got no idea at all how that could possibly happen!
I don't drink either and don't like spending time in pubs, or meeting for coffee (which I don't drink either so seems a bit pointless)
I'd rather see a friend at their house and sit and chat than socialise!

FeelingClueless Mon 27-Mar-17 13:56:29

I'd rather see a friend at their house and sit and chat than socialise!

Yes Chasingsquirrels me too! The handful of friends I've made here have families and are busy at weekends so every other weekend it's just me.

Weekdays are easier as i have a toddler (and i do like drinking coffee!)

I do actually enjoy some things. I like cinema and theatre but I'm not enjoying new people. God that sounds awful. I've tried meet ups but I really miss the familiarity and easiness of stbxh. I wasn't prepared for single feeling so different.

FeelingClueless Mon 27-Mar-17 14:00:10

Sorry about your husband.

Chasingsquirrels Mon 27-Mar-17 14:01:59

No I enjoy the theatre too, I went a fair bit with my mum after exH left. And I get quite a lot of quiet pleasure from pottering in the garden (when it's sunny).
And YES to friends with families.
My boys were 5 & 2 when exH left, and 14 & 11 now, so no school gate stuff anymore.

FeelingClueless Mon 27-Mar-17 14:21:44

I have been thinking I could get busy in the garden.

Seems terribly unfair that you've already had to start over once again already.

My DC are 2 and 7 so toddler groups and school gate helps. Speaking of which nearly pick up time.

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