Before i start, i just want to say i know that there are many people who have it much worse than i do and i should probably pull my head out of my bum but i just feel so shit.
Mother's day has been so disappointing to me and has just overloaded my already upset brain.
Its my first mother's day. My husband did get me and card and present but didn't suggest going out or doing anything. I thought ok, but asked for a certain meal and a food treat. We had a household issue on on the Saturday and he completely forgot.
I've got loads of parent issues, I've been in tears recently because I don't have a social life and when I do, it all seems to go wrong because my husband is stroppy when.i get back after 3 hours because the baby has been hard work. I've had maybe 4 nights out since he has been born, all for no more than three hours.
I've been feeling low anyway. I have very difficult parents who have recently split up. I've spent hundreds of pounds paying for counselling to deal with them. My childhood was difficult but not as bad as some here. I took my mum out yesterday and it was fine but I am upset as she was showing my baby the pictures of my siblings in her purse and i knew that there wasn't one of me in there. I even said "where's mummy” whilst she was doing it to make her feel uncomfortable.
I've spent my entire life propping up my parents, being there emotional support even when i was a child. I know I'm the "bad child" in my family even though I'm the one who does the most for them. I've kind of dealt with it (well, probably not but hey ho).
His lack of pulling his shit together for my first mother's day has completely floored me. I feel so unloved, important to nobody, basically worth nothing. I've spent ages putting together nice presents for my mum and his. I feel like in return, I've not been worth the bother. Now I'm thinking that I'm clearly not worth the bitg r, a horrible person not to bother. Pretty much not worth anything.
I know I'm exhausted as well. I've only just stopped night feeds. But i feel very, very depressed. I'm short tempered with the baby, I'm basically being a crap mum right now. I feel like i cant do this. I'm pointless, clearly.
You are worth it, I am so sorry you are having a shitty time of it. you may be making things hard on yourself by tangling a few issues. DH may have done the best he can the present and card - I know I did not get anything from my DH, but appreciate the other things that he does are more important that focusing on the lack of Mother's Day celebrations. I am not trying to suggest that you are being wrong for being pissed off, just trying to give a different perspective that may help.
Stop worrying about other people and what they think. Start telling yourself that you are number one. If others don't treat you fairly, distance yourself. And remember, your baby picks up on these feelings of sadness and insecurity.
Speak to your health visitor. You may have PND that hasn't been treated. You are a people pleaser and unfortunately, you will never fully please your parents so please stop trying. Look after yourself and DC.