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Should I forgive a boyfriend

(70 Posts)
Zoila15 Sun 26-Mar-17 23:20:26

Dear all,
Just need an advice from you as I am not sure what is the best thing to do. I've met a man online. We got on really well and we've been on 10-11 dates so far. He seems to have serious intentions about me and I really like him. He introduced me to his family and is asking to meet mine. Last night, he messaged me and said that he needed to make a confession. Basically , he lied about his profession. He told me that he was a doctor before we even met. He said that he thought that we were going to have a couple of dates and that would be it. He said that he didn't realise that it would turn into a relationship and that he tried to tell me a couple of times but was scared to tell me the truth. He is a nurse. His profession wouldn't matter so much to me, it's the lying that hurts the most. He is asking me to forgive him and give him a chance. Everything else he told me seems to be true. What do you think I should do? Give him another chance or leave him and move on? I do have some trust issues because of my previous relationship and want to make the right decision. Thank you in advance for your help and advice.

Angryangryyoungwoman Sun 26-Mar-17 23:32:02

I would move on

donajimena Sun 26-Mar-17 23:34:54

Move on. You can't excuse this

Chickiwick Sun 26-Mar-17 23:37:02

Did his family all lie for him when you met them? Personally it depends on the lie as we all exaggerate a bit to make ourselves look better. So, saying you're an accountant rather than a bookkeeper would, in my opinion, be acceptable(ish); saying you're an architect when you're a car salesman would not.

ImperialBlether Sun 26-Mar-17 23:39:04

Have you slept with him? If you have, I would think that he's thought you'd sleep with him if you thought he was a doctor. If you haven't, I'd wonder still why he thought it would only last a couple of dates. Who thinks that?

WhisperedLoudest Sun 26-Mar-17 23:40:08

I'd forgive - i wouldn't consider it a deal breaker given how early in proceedings he's come clean

HerOtherHalf Sun 26-Mar-17 23:42:30

I think it depends how explains thinking that being a nurse is not something to be proud of.

Isadora2007 Sun 26-Mar-17 23:43:16

I'd forgive. Being a male nurse can be seen by some complete arseholes people as unmanly. So I can see why he said what he said.

Maybe you can play Drs and Nurses with him! 😉

YazooAddict Sun 26-Mar-17 23:43:59

So he's embarrassed about his profession and (possibly) thinks he'll be more successful dating if he says he's a doctor.

To me, ten situation depends on his motivation. If he has low self esteem and doesn't think nursing is a 'good enough ' profession then I'd certainly not write him off over it.

If it was purely to get more female attention, then I'm sure he'll soon learn it's probably not a fantastic long term strategy....

NeonGod73 Sun 26-Mar-17 23:44:24

When you met his family, did they all act as if he was a doctor?

KindDogsTail Sun 26-Mar-17 23:50:40

Move on. Its not just the lying, its the wheedling and manipulating. 11 dates is an awful lot to string someone along with a lie. Now he is making excuses.

All your perceptions of him and any idea of a future with him would have been based on what he told you.

What does he mean he didn't think there would be a relationship.....therefore it was Ok to lie. When did he think it would be time to stop the lie?

For all he knew, one date was already a relationship from your point of view.

He is a cheating, manipulating, unpleasant man however nice he seemed on the surface.

KindDogsTail Sun 26-Mar-17 23:52:50

i wouldn't consider it a deal breaker given how early in proceedings he's come clean

Before the first date meeting happened was early - 11 dates later os not early!

Only1scoop Sun 26-Mar-17 23:54:56

Ugh he lies.
What a turn off.
It would be a deal breaker for me.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Sun 26-Mar-17 23:55:38

I seem to be in the minority here. I would talk to him about it all and if it was a good conversation and he could explain himself and be open etc, this would probably not be a deal breaker for me.

coconuttella Sun 26-Mar-17 23:56:59

He raised it completely voluntarily before things moved from early dates into a relationship ... i don't see a red flag here necessarily. I'd be inclined to forgive it but be clear you expect honesty moving forward (which he clearly seems to recognise too).

coconuttella Sun 26-Mar-17 23:59:03

He is a cheating, manipulating, unpleasant man however nice he seemed on the surface..... a bit extreme!!! I'd love to hear how you'd describe a bigamist!

WhisperedLoudest Mon 27-Mar-17 00:06:17

I often lie about my job if out and about and meeting people I'm unlikely to see again or become close to. I have the sort of job that people like to ask questions about and is extremely well paid. People make judgments and ask questions that on a casual night out I can't be bothered to address.

So whilst I've not been involved in OLD if I was I can well imagine I might lie about my job.

Doesn't make me cheating manipulative or unpleasant

podrig Mon 27-Mar-17 00:11:08

Oh dear. He's insecure about a perfectly honourable profession and he's a liar to boot.

The insecure are problematic in ways you cannot anticipate and liars are another league entirely. I would push him and hopefully he will learn a hard lesson because what we women don't need is any more liars running round.

KindDogsTail Mon 27-Mar-17 00:12:27

Coconut
Before the bigamist did the bigamy, he would probably have manipulated people and lied to them.

Zoila
I do have some trust issues because of my previous relationship and want to make the right decision.
In making your decision remember he lied completely for 11 dates.
Have you slept with him? If so, watch out for feeling so invested you feel you have to carry on.

KindDogsTail Mon 27-Mar-17 00:15:01

WhisperedLoudest
Your lying about your job in an entirely different context to the one Zoila is writing about is not what I was referring to.

ReturnfromtheStars Mon 27-Mar-17 00:16:20

But is he really a nurse?

JustSpeakSense Mon 27-Mar-17 00:22:29

1) Did he sleep with you while keeping the lie going?

Or

2) Has he come clean before taking the relationship to the next level?

If it's 1 then dump him immediately

Joinourclub Mon 27-Mar-17 04:28:39

I think I'd trust your own instinct here. This doesn't have to be a deal breaker. I guess he lied to impress, it's really not that uncommon to exaggerate to impress a girl. He probably feels a bit silly about the lie now. It wasn't necessarily part of a grand plan to get in your pants and then dump you. But you know the guybettervthan us so you know how this fits in with him.

Sample1936 Mon 27-Mar-17 04:35:16

Its really up to you whether to move on or not.

pudding21 Mon 27-Mar-17 07:58:34

I'd check he was really a nurse. I'm a nurse and I've never known a male one that isn't super proud of the job the do. Why would he lie? That's just ridiculous. I'm assuming you know his full name? If so you can check the register here, it will tell you if he is indeed a registered nurse. www.nmc.org.uk/registration/search-the-register/
I'd still be giving him a wide birth though, it's a stupid lie and he carried it on for a long time. If he can lie about something that is intrinsically who he is as a person is worry what else he would lie about.

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