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Should I forgive a boyfriend

(6 Posts)
Zoila15 Sun 26-Mar-17 23:20:17

Dear all,
Just need an advice from you as I am not sure what is the best thing to do. I've met a man online. We got on really well and we've been on 10-11 dates so far. He seems to have serious intentions about me and I really like him. He introduced me to his family and is asking to meet mine. Last night, he messaged me and said that he needed to make a confession. Basically , he lied about his profession. He told me that he was a doctor before we even met. He said that he thought that we were going to have a couple of dates and that would be it. He said that he didn't realise that it would turn into a relationship and that he tried to tell me a couple of times but was scared to tell me the truth. He is a nurse. His profession wouldn't matter so much to me, it's the lying that hurts the most. He is asking me to forgive him and give him a chance. Everything else he told me seems to be true. What do you think I should do? Give him another chance or leave him and move on? I do have some trust issues because of my previous relationship and want to make the right decision. Thank you in advance for your help and advice.

bullyhfc Sun 26-Mar-17 23:52:11

Has he give you a proper reason why he would lie about it, apart from the couple of dates thing? He's lied, but at least he hasn't told you he is a doctor and he's really a toilet cleaner! In my opinion he's worth a chance, but that's only mine.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Sun 26-Mar-17 23:57:48

I went out with a serial liar and everyfuckingthing was a lie or an additional lie to cover up an original lie.
To my cynical and paranoid ear I feel it's a good sign he's owned up at this point and told you he lied.
It's sad that he felt he had to lie and I get that you now want to know what else he may lie about.
I would forgive him but reiterate that the lie was worse than whatever he wanted to cover up, and should he ever lie to you again, no matter how small*, then it'd be over.
*description or location of hidden presents not included

Butterymuffin Mon 27-Mar-17 00:05:09

So this was a lie to impress you enough to get you into bed as a one off, before he decided he might want more than that? It's the idea that it's ok to lie to women if you don't want a serious relationship with them that I find off. How about you just tell the truth to everyone, whether they're a one-night stand or a long-term prospect?

Only you can decide but I would go slowly, at the very least. How long in time has 10/11 dates been? Don't see the rush to meet family. Keep a careful eye on things for 6 months and see if anything else that troubles you happens.

scoobydoo1971 Mon 27-Mar-17 01:20:28

I am a doctor of medical research. I would never tell anyone I was a clinically-qualified doctor, and I would never tell anyone I met casually that I was doctorally-qualified either until I knew them well. Past experience has taught me that some people take a dislike to you if they feel you are an 'educated know-it-all' (which is not something I truly understand), and there are people who think you are a gold-mine to raid for favours and loans because they perceive you as earning a high income and helping them out with paperwork, advice, references, passport countersignatures and all sorts.

A friend of mine dated a 'nurse manager' once who turned out to be a health-care assistant in training. Nothing wrong with being a health-care assistant but it was one of many, many lies and deceptions he fed her before she ran for the hills.

Most people who are professionally-qualified would probably want you to like them for who they are, not what they do. Don't ditch your nurse yet as he may just be insecure about himself, but take care and listen for those red-flags as he may tell lots of lies to lots of people. That makes him an unsuitable person to be in the caring profession btw.

SandyY2K Mon 27-Mar-17 02:23:48

I do hate these kind of lies and I can only think he was trying to impress you.

I personally would probably end it before getting more invested. It's a big lie and further down the line if he tells other lies, I'd be kicking myself for not ending it.

That's me though and I'm not that tolerant of that kind of stuff, especially as I'd have liked told my sisters about him and what he does for a living... I couldn't have them meet him after that.

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