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Is this a good excuse to leave?

(17 Posts)
cupidlove Sun 26-Mar-17 21:32:55

12 yrs together, 3 kids under 6. Last week he poked me in the face during an argument. Today he grabbed my arm. When I asked for an apology he says he was stopping me taking cakes which he took off the kids as he thought they were going to drop them. Who cares? They just wanted to feel like they were doing something useful. They were in protected boxes.
My past relationship was violent and when I asked for an apology he says I'm trying to paint him with the same brush and he hasn't done anything wrong.
My daughter saw him grab my arm and it hurt. It's over isn't it? He won't take responsibility. He's never done anything like this before

Cookingongas Sun 26-Mar-17 21:36:54

It's not a good "excuse", it's a good reason to leave.
You don't need permission. It always starts small, and they always minimise and gas light to convince you your overreacting/ wrong/ it didn't happen.


cupidlove Sun 26-Mar-17 21:41:29

Yeah he still thinks I'm over reacting

picklemepopcorn Sun 26-Mar-17 21:44:44

I hope if DH told me he was hurt and a bit scared I'd poked and grabbed him, that I would apologise and make an effort to be more controlled in future, especially given his previous experiences making him extra sensitive.

Maybe, just maybe, you were oversensitive. He's being insensitive and doesn't deserve you.

AcrossthePond55 Sun 26-Mar-17 21:46:55

So there have been two incidences of physical aggression in the last week, but absolutely none at any time before that? Has he been aggressive in other ways? Blocking you, getting in close to intimidate you, moving you around? Has there been emotional abuse?

You do need to leave. It's not going to get better.

FinallyHere Sun 26-Mar-17 21:49:59

You really, really don't need an excuse to leave. You get to decide whether to leave. There are not that many compensations for leaving childhood behind and becoming a grown up, but getting to make your own decisions, while acknowledging that these might have consequences, is one of 'em.

cheminotte Sun 26-Mar-17 21:52:07

Sounds like 2 good reasons to me.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 26-Mar-17 21:54:37

My ex shut my arm in a door.
His excuse was that I shouldn't have tried to follow him through the door!!
He shoved my on the bed hard after accusing me of rolling my eyes at him. ...
Leave before you stop asking for reasons as it's become your norm.

Flipthebirdy Sun 26-Mar-17 21:56:01

I can't say whether you should leave without more context but the physical aggression is definitely not on and the fact that he isn't even remorseful makes it even worse.

RebelRogue Sun 26-Mar-17 22:07:13

Any reason is a good reason to leave if you are unhappy. That's it.

cupidlove Sun 26-Mar-17 22:08:33

My daughter witnessed him grabbing my arm

user1490562126 Sun 26-Mar-17 22:11:36


AcrossthePond55 Mon 27-Mar-17 00:14:47

Do you want your DD to grow up thinking that getting physical is the norm? What would you be telling her if she were grown and her partner did this to her?

cupidlove Mon 27-Mar-17 12:52:40

We didn't speak today so he obviously doesn't feel he has done anything wrong. I'm going to ask for a separation. I need time to figure out what I want and I don't want him here.
I think if a man did that to my daughter I'd throw him into next week

picklemepopcorn Mon 27-Mar-17 14:04:00

Good plan. Well done.

Adora10 Mon 27-Mar-17 14:11:10

He is vile, and in front of a small child, omg please get rid of him OP; he's physically assaulting you, of course he's going to say you are over reacting, fucken big bully.

So glad you value yourself better than some rag doll that he thinks he can pull and push about.

AcrossthePond55 Mon 27-Mar-17 14:14:40

Good! Separation will give you time and space to decide what you want and hopefully give him time to reflect on consequences!

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