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I'm such a needy twat

(13 Posts)
Hoppityfuckingvoosh Sun 26-Mar-17 17:53:52

"D"H and I split in October last year. He was detached for a long time, no intimacy Etc. Loved me but not in right way...blah blah blah. We did counselling but it got us nowhere.

He's continued to be a huge part of my life because of our DS and has shown absolutely no interest in coming home. Like a chump, I keep reminiscing about the good times and think we could be great again.

Today I asked him how he felt about the possibility of us maybe trying again in the future. Cue awkward silence. Clearly got my answer there.

I don't know why I want someone who doesn't want me. He's not even that kind to me (had terrible news last week and he didn't bother to hang about after seeing DS as he was "busy") but great in others (bought Mother's Day card and flowers from DS).

he didn't give a shit about me for 18 months before the split. I keep reminding myself that it's not going to change-If he loved me he would have worked hard to come home.

But I sodding miss him so much. DS reminds me so much of him and every time I see him I just want him to hug and kiss me. He's my first and only love and we were together for 11 years. I don't want to start again.

I don't know why I'm writing, to be honest. I know I'm being an idiot but I can't seem to draw a line under the relationship and move on. It's constantly hanging over me like a cloud of failure. I know I can't make him want me. He's probably seeing someone else. I know this. And yet I still go crawling back like a fucking moron.

ijustwannadance Sun 26-Mar-17 17:57:33

Don't ever go back. He doesn't love you.
Why don't you want to start again?

CharlieBoo Sun 26-Mar-17 18:04:01

Rejection is so hard to take.. I'm in a similar situation although my husband is still here but we're just existing. I desperately want him to love me and be affectionate but I know I need to accept we have to draw a line under it and move on..

Would limiting contact with him help do you think?

Hoppityfuckingvoosh Sun 26-Mar-17 18:13:21

I can't. I want him to be as big a part of DS's life as possible. There's nightly contact when he calls to speak to him. Other than that, no texting or calls. He comes around twice a week to put DS to bed. I think if I didn't have to see him I'd be ok, but that's not an option so it's just something I'll have to deal with.

I don't know why he won't love me. It kicks the living shit out of your self confidence.

I wish I didn't want him back so badly. I wish I could just move on but I'm so unbelievably sad.

Hoppityfuckingvoosh Sun 26-Mar-17 18:14:14

I don't want another person in my life. I'm too old and lacking in the necessary confidence to be of any use to anyone.

Hassled Sun 26-Mar-17 18:14:21

You're right, he probably is seeing someone else. But - if you split last October after 11 years then of course you're still going to be feeling sad and nostalgic and bereft - it's a horrible experience to go through. It takes time to recover from. So you're not being a needy twat at all - you're reacting just as people do react. Do everything you can to stay busy, even if you don't feel like it, be business-like and brief when you have to see him, and you'll get there in time.

CharlieBoo Sun 26-Mar-17 18:15:07

Oh I know how you feel I really do... it hurts so much..

Any hobbies, friends, nights out, doing more with friends may help you move on... x

Hoppityfuckingvoosh Sun 26-Mar-17 18:59:43

It's fine until I'm on my own and have time to think. Then I'm just a mess.

I hate this. It's flipping miserable.

Chinnygirl Sun 26-Mar-17 19:08:04

You need to cut contact between the two of you for your own sake and arrange the contact differently for the DS. Can you teach the DS to call him so you don't have to speak to him yourself? And maybe arrange a day at dads house and let him pick up the DS from school and bring them the next day? Ask him to communicate by email till you feel better and only about practical stuff.

Other than that it really sucks till you get over it. I hate to hear stories about my ex because I still feel rejected, although I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole if he would want me back. It's a strange feeling.

Hoppityfuckingvoosh Sun 26-Mar-17 21:11:57

DS is only little so I need to be there for everything.

I know it'll pass but I really can't get over the "it could be great again" feeling. I know it's rose tinted glasses but I can't see how they'll break until there's no contact, and there's no way there can be no contact. Ugh.

PaterPower Sun 26-Mar-17 21:23:21

How little is "little" because, unless he's still breastfeeding, your exH can do anything you can do for DS and should be.

Getting him to take your son and having him spend nights with him will strengthen their relationship and mean you can get some space.

If he is still breastfeeding then you can't be that old and past it and I can guarantee you'll have lots to offer the right person (if you want that) as they will to you.

HermioneJeanGranger Sun 26-Mar-17 21:24:39

Why do you need to be there all the time? Can't DH have him at his place overnight?

Sickofthisalready Mon 27-Mar-17 07:47:48

Im in the same boat hoppity. Young DS so cant go NC, and have to see him 6 times a bloody week!!!

I too cant get past wanting him back, even though im 99% sure he's in a new relationship. I could list so many negatives about him, but I just cant deal with the rejection. Its been 6 weeks and I feel like im going backwards and things are getting harder. Im spending more time crying now than I did at first.sad

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