Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2

Relationships

Dp says I've ruined his life now he's stuck with me

26 replies

cookieswithchips · 26/03/2017 14:00

We have 2 young children together and recently everything is my fault. He says I've ruined his life but trapped him now we have children. I sick of being blamed for everything.

OP posts:

Report

INeedNewShoes · 26/03/2017 14:02

Tell him he's not trapped and free to leave whenever he likes. Then you can get on with your life!

Report

Avioleta · 26/03/2017 14:03

Charming.

Why are you still with him?

Report

TurnipCake · 26/03/2017 14:03

Unless he has been surgically attached to you, he is free to leave at any time.

Sounds miserable OP, you can be free of it.

Report

cookieswithchips · 26/03/2017 14:11

I've told him he should leave but his reply is that it's his house (it's both of ours) and I couldn't cope on my own

OP posts:

Report

INeedNewShoes · 26/03/2017 14:12

Its not up to him to decide whether you can cope.

It sounds as though he's really quite unpleasant!

Report

StewieGMum · 26/03/2017 14:17

Pack his suitcase and put it outside. You'll be a hell of a lot happier (and find it easier) with an albatross string about your neck.

Report

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/03/2017 14:18

You do not get anything out of this relationship now do you?.

You would manage without him and in turn his abusive influence over you and your children. Sound travels and they see and hear far more than realised.

Do not do your bit here to continue to show your children this frankly awful and abusive sounding example of a relationship.

Report

RedastheRose · 26/03/2017 14:19

Tell him you'll be fine and since he has such a low opinion of you you are happy to prove it. Go see a solicitor and get advice on separation

Report

Gallavich · 26/03/2017 14:22

So he wants to stay but wants to blame you for everything at the same time - charmer
Tell him to get to fuck and let's see if his life is still shit when he's on his own

Report

MycatsaPirate · 26/03/2017 14:28

He thinks you won't cope on your own with 2 dc?

Exactly how much is he doing at home currently? I bet it's absolutely fuck all in comparison to what you do.

Tell him to leave.

Report

DameDeDoubtance · 26/03/2017 14:29

He sounds like a horrible man. In your shoes I would start divorce proceedings, I would tell everyone that it is because of what he said. I would live my life independently of him. You show him!

Report

randomer · 26/03/2017 14:29

assuming this is real?......is it a moment of madness, a silly thing he said?

Report

PandaPolar · 26/03/2017 14:32

Tell him to leave for a set amount of time - one week perhaps - and have a long, hard think about what he has said to you. He's free to make up his mind and come back with an apology if he choses to do so, or he's free to leave.

Tell him you are not going to but up with his emotional abusiveness any longer. If he does come back, make it be known you will not tolerate him talking like this to you again.

Report

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 26/03/2017 14:34

You trapped him how exactly?

A friend's ex-husband used to come out with the "you trapped me" line from time to time. Her response was generally "if I was going to trap something it would be something worth trapping."

Report

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/03/2017 14:34

Do what PandaPolar suggests. You should not be putting up with this. Your children will do far better without hearing their mother emotionally abused.

Report

TheMysteriousJackelope · 26/03/2017 14:42

I suggest getting legal advice on what your financial resources are likely to be if he does leave, and sort out how you will manage with childcare etc. without him around on a day to day basis. Then you can plan what needs to be done so you can comfortably manage. If you want him around you then are in a position to give him a choice - he takes off and pays this much a month, has the children for this amount of time per month, or you go to relationship counselling to get through this.

I don't normally go into LTB territory but it is going to be horrible for your DC to grow up hearing from their father how they trapped him into staying with you all. They don't need that guilt.

Report

5moreminutes · 26/03/2017 14:43

Wow!

Who has trapped who if he won't leave? Sounds to me as though he has trapped you, not vice versa!

Report

AdoraBell · 26/03/2017 14:48

Do what Panda suggests, and get legal advice.

Report

Bluntness100 · 26/03/2017 14:54

What he means is he can't cope on his own. Tell him to go, the house can go on the market and you can cope plenty fine. Don't put up with this or tolerate it in any way shape nor form.

Report

Esoteric · 26/03/2017 16:18

Tell him to sod off, that's a totally unacceptable way to your partner

Report

KickAssAngel · 26/03/2017 16:25

He is following The Script which entitles bullshit arsewipes to have an affair, leave their partner, abandon their kids and keep hold of as much money as they can. Start protecting yourself financially.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but this is just textbook behavior before a man hooks up with a younger woman, walks out on the family and then does everything possible to deprive his children of a decent life.

There are many, many threads on here which all follow the same pattern. None of the men ever suddenly say "sorry, I was being a selfish pig. Let me take you out for dinner and clean the bathroom as a sign I'm a real family man at heart."

Report

MamaHanji · 26/03/2017 16:27

I'd show the bastard the door. How fucking rude.

Speak to someone regarding finances and then let him know he is 'untrapped' and to fuck off.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Email address

You've subscribed!

SandyY2K · 26/03/2017 16:27

Is he saying you can't cope alone or are you saying that?

I'll be honest if that was said to me, I'd declare the relationship over. That doesn't mean I'd be moving out the next day, but it means we would enter a coparenting relationship and the romantic and intimate side of the relationship would cease.

I'd be very clear with him that I'm done. I won't have anyone feel trapped with me and be accused of ruining their life. I'd tell him to go and pursue a relationship if he wants and let him know I'd be doing the same.

You can always take control and bring the relationship to a close yourself. You can consult a solicitor and see how to go about splitting and the related financial information.

Report

SewMeARiver · 26/03/2017 17:11

What Santas said. Repeat it verbatim to him.

Report

SandyY2K · 26/03/2017 17:33

Those saying pack his case and tell him to leave for a period of time, does he sound like the kind of man who'd agree to this?

Absolutely not, from what the OP has said. This isn't the kind of man to bother arguing with or reasoning with. You simply have to decide if you're willing to put up with a man who treats you like this and make the right decision for yourself.

Don't bother trying to figure him out. Some people spend their lives blaming everyone else for everything possible and refuse to take personal responsibility for anything.

Don't focus on him. Focus on you and your children... And how to co-parent, with minimal interaction.

He's told you how he feels... you now have the knowledge. Knowledge is power. Use it wisely and to your advantage.

If you continue to stay, that's your choice. Get a plan in place and work towards a brighter future.