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Dp says I've ruined his life now he's stuck with me

(27 Posts)
cookieswithchips Sun 26-Mar-17 14:00:53

We have 2 young children together and recently everything is my fault. He says I've ruined his life but trapped him now we have children. I sick of being blamed for everything.

INeedNewShoes Sun 26-Mar-17 14:02:39

Tell him he's not trapped and free to leave whenever he likes. Then you can get on with your life!

Avioleta Sun 26-Mar-17 14:03:10

Charming.

Why are you still with him?

TurnipCake Sun 26-Mar-17 14:03:50

Unless he has been surgically attached to you, he is free to leave at any time.

Sounds miserable OP, you can be free of it.

cookieswithchips Sun 26-Mar-17 14:11:36

I've told him he should leave but his reply is that it's his house (it's both of ours) and I couldn't cope on my own

INeedNewShoes Sun 26-Mar-17 14:12:33

Its not up to him to decide whether you can cope.

It sounds as though he's really quite unpleasant!

StewieGMum Sun 26-Mar-17 14:17:32

Pack his suitcase and put it outside. You'll be a hell of a lot happier (and find it easier) with an albatross string about your neck.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 26-Mar-17 14:18:41

You do not get anything out of this relationship now do you?.

You would manage without him and in turn his abusive influence over you and your children. Sound travels and they see and hear far more than realised.

Do not do your bit here to continue to show your children this frankly awful and abusive sounding example of a relationship.

RedastheRose Sun 26-Mar-17 14:19:02

Tell him you'll be fine and since he has such a low opinion of you you are happy to prove it. Go see a solicitor and get advice on separation

Gallavich Sun 26-Mar-17 14:22:01

So he wants to stay but wants to blame you for everything at the same time - charmer
Tell him to get to fuck and let's see if his life is still shit when he's on his own

MycatsaPirate Sun 26-Mar-17 14:28:34

He thinks you won't cope on your own with 2 dc?

Exactly how much is he doing at home currently? I bet it's absolutely fuck all in comparison to what you do.

Tell him to leave.

DameDeDoubtance Sun 26-Mar-17 14:29:04

He sounds like a horrible man. In your shoes I would start divorce proceedings, I would tell everyone that it is because of what he said. I would live my life independently of him. You show him! flowers

randomer Sun 26-Mar-17 14:29:58

assuming this is real?......is it a moment of madness, a silly thing he said?

PandaPolar Sun 26-Mar-17 14:32:08

Tell him to leave for a set amount of time - one week perhaps - and have a long, hard think about what he has said to you. He's free to make up his mind and come back with an apology if he choses to do so, or he's free to leave.

Tell him you are not going to but up with his emotional abusiveness any longer. If he does come back, make it be known you will not tolerate him talking like this to you again.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Sun 26-Mar-17 14:34:02

You trapped him how exactly?

A friend's ex-husband used to come out with the "you trapped me" line from time to time. Her response was generally "if I was going to trap something it would be something worth trapping."

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 26-Mar-17 14:34:23

Do what PandaPolar suggests. You should not be putting up with this. Your children will do far better without hearing their mother emotionally abused.

TheMysteriousJackelope Sun 26-Mar-17 14:42:48

I suggest getting legal advice on what your financial resources are likely to be if he does leave, and sort out how you will manage with childcare etc. without him around on a day to day basis. Then you can plan what needs to be done so you can comfortably manage. If you want him around you then are in a position to give him a choice - he takes off and pays this much a month, has the children for this amount of time per month, or you go to relationship counselling to get through this.

I don't normally go into LTB territory but it is going to be horrible for your DC to grow up hearing from their father how they trapped him into staying with you all. They don't need that guilt.

5moreminutes Sun 26-Mar-17 14:43:03

Wow!

Who has trapped who if he won't leave? Sounds to me as though he has trapped you, not vice versa!

AdoraBell Sun 26-Mar-17 14:48:58

Do what Panda suggests, and get legal advice.

Bluntness100 Sun 26-Mar-17 14:54:33

What he means is he can't cope on his own. Tell him to go, the house can go on the market and you can cope plenty fine. Don't put up with this or tolerate it in any way shape nor form.

Esoteric Sun 26-Mar-17 16:18:34

Tell him to sod off, that's a totally unacceptable way to your partner

KickAssAngel Sun 26-Mar-17 16:25:37

He is following The Script which entitles bullshit arsewipes to have an affair, leave their partner, abandon their kids and keep hold of as much money as they can. Start protecting yourself financially.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but this is just textbook behavior before a man hooks up with a younger woman, walks out on the family and then does everything possible to deprive his children of a decent life.

There are many, many threads on here which all follow the same pattern. None of the men ever suddenly say "sorry, I was being a selfish pig. Let me take you out for dinner and clean the bathroom as a sign I'm a real family man at heart."

MamaHanji Sun 26-Mar-17 16:27:00

I'd show the bastard the door. How fucking rude.

Speak to someone regarding finances and then let him know he is 'untrapped' and to fuck off.

SandyY2K Sun 26-Mar-17 16:27:21

Is he saying you can't cope alone or are you saying that?

I'll be honest if that was said to me, I'd declare the relationship over. That doesn't mean I'd be moving out the next day, but it means we would enter a coparenting relationship and the romantic and intimate side of the relationship would cease.

I'd be very clear with him that I'm done. I won't have anyone feel trapped with me and be accused of ruining their life. I'd tell him to go and pursue a relationship if he wants and let him know I'd be doing the same.

You can always take control and bring the relationship to a close yourself. You can consult a solicitor and see how to go about splitting and the related financial information.

SewMeARiver Sun 26-Mar-17 17:11:37

What Santas said. Repeat it verbatim to him.

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