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How can I find my mother?

(11 Posts)
HarryPottersHairyArse Sun 26-Mar-17 08:13:11

Mothers Day hmm & my mother comes to mind. I've been estranged from her for years but I've recently been thinking about testing the waters before she dies. Trouble is, I don't know her address, how can I find it? All I know is the county she's in. There are no other family/friends I can ask. Googling her name produces nothing. She's not even on 192 as she moved in the last few months. Apart from writing a letter to her old house & asking if they have a forwarding address, is there anything else I can try?

BeverlyGoldberg Sun 26-Mar-17 08:55:08

Can you search the electoral roll? Do you know any interests she has that may have an online group?

daisychain01 Sun 26-Mar-17 08:57:56

Do you know for certain that your mum is still alive?

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 26-Mar-17 09:10:42

Before you do anything further I would consider why you are estranged from your mother. If it is for instance due to her ill treatment of you from childhood I would certainly not want to make contact.

Evergreen777 Sun 26-Mar-17 09:16:53

If it's not too long a journey you could try calling at her last known address and asking them, as you might just be able to get a lead better than by writing. And try the immediate neighbours too.

If you sign up to one of the ancestry sites you can use them to look up living relatives. She's likely turn up if she's died, remarried or possibly in the phone book.

If she's moved in the last few months you might want to try writing to her at the previous address though, as many people get their post forwarded for up to a year.

Otherwise i think there are agencies who will try to trace people for you, though i think you'd have to pay.

HarryPottersHairyArse Sun 26-Mar-17 09:24:47

I believe she's currently alive. She wrote to me & I stashed the letter, only now I can't find it anywhere... I'm beginning to wonder if I can let her die without seeing her again. She said she'd had major surgery and didn't expect to survive but that she had. I'm guessing it was cancer, which she's had once already. I have had enough therapy now to be able to be in her presence and not be sucked down. Can't find her new address on the electoral roll.

Heirhelp Sun 26-Mar-17 09:28:35

The Salvation Army maybe able to help.

TheElephantofSurprise Sun 26-Mar-17 09:33:56

Good luck with your search.

HarryPottersHairyArse Sun 26-Mar-17 09:40:02

I'm currently scrolling through Rightmove trying to find the picture of her new house, I can only faintly remember it. Not even sure of the price. It's like a needle in a haystack searching a whole county! I remember it backs onto a field with a tiny triangle garden... hmm

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 26-Mar-17 10:03:11

"I have had enough therapy now to be able to be in her presence and not be sucked down".

For that above reason I would think very carefully about wanting to restart contact. Meeting her again could undo all the progress you have made since the estrangement and there are often very good reasons indeed why adult children are estranged from parents. She may well still not be the person you perhaps still want her to be.

Why now as well?. I think you also further need to examine your own reasons, it may simply be because of mothers day and overall societal convention.

Tread carefully whatever you decide to do.

Butterfliesarefragile Sun 26-Mar-17 10:32:28

Your Mother may be ill but she will still be the same person that did xy and z that hurt you so much.

Just be aware of that, my Mother was ill I almost never see her but I went with my sister a couple of years ago due to her being ill. I was left alone with her for about 10 minutes the compulsion to harm her was tangible, I have very severe MH issues mainly because she allowed me to be sexually abused as a child and she used to beat me so I utterly hate her.

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