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Please help

(15 Posts)
thefluffyunicorn Sun 26-Mar-17 02:50:37


Have nc'd

Please be gentle
I'd like some advice
Have been with dp for 15 months or so really good relationship he makes me happy
He is a professional musician and works away a lot he also has health issues
He has 2 dc as do I

He's been away working a lot recently and we've gone long periods without seeing each other but recently this has gone down to him not even texting me at all in a day. We will normally check in with each other during the day. If I bring it up I get a snappy text back saying he's been busy with his band stuff (his saxophonist tends to harass him a lot tbf) so I feel bad that I must be irritating him more. I texted him twice today and got one short message back
I always feel like I'm treading on eggshells it's not like I text him constantly.
It's just breaking my heart that i fall so far down his list of priorities. He's not a cheat, he makes me laugh and when we are together it's lovely it's just these bits inbetween
I worry whether it's my anxiety overthinking or whether he's actually being a dick here

Please help - but gently

MusicToMyEars800 Sun 26-Mar-17 03:01:20

Hi OP, sorry to have to say this but he sounds like he's being bit of a knob a txt doesn't take long to type and send and these days with iphones and siri you don't even have to type out the txt, he may be busy and stressed but you are only 15 months into your relationship so you should still be in the smitten honeymoon period of it... sounds like you've been together a lot longer and he can't be bothered.
I am happy to be told I am wrong on my view/opinion, and would like to see other people's views on your situation! also just want to say I am ere for you if you need advice etc or if you just need someone to listen

Pottedplants Sun 26-Mar-17 03:12:54

Unless he is running the country during a crisis, I don't buy into the notion of being too busy to make a short call or text.

Is he very stressed? Do you see him in the evening time? If not, how long is he away from home at a time for?

thefluffyunicorn Sun 26-Mar-17 03:15:16

We usually see each other 2 times a week during the day as we both have our dcs in evenings
He isn't away very long but the working hours can be very long.
This is something i knew from the start it's just hard some days

Pottedplants Sun 26-Mar-17 03:28:42

You have been together fifteen months and see each other twice a week during the daytime only?

I understand you both have commitments but it seems very little to me as you have been dating quite a long time and he doesn't want to call/text regularly. I'm unsure how your relationship can progress to the next stage though of course perhaps until now you might both perfectly happy with this level of commitment. But now you want more? I think when he returns from his latest trip away, you need to tell him what you want and need from him and take it from there. It may be this is as committed as he gets and if so you may have to reconsider or accept that.

thefluffyunicorn Sun 26-Mar-17 07:24:37

We are both quite happy with the amount we see each other as we usually talk to each other every day
It's just recently when he'll go for age swith just nothing

TheNaze73 Sun 26-Mar-17 07:27:50

I'd be happy with it too OP.

Talk to him about communication styles. I hate texts. Don't think it will be anything untoward.

Littlemisssorrow Sun 26-Mar-17 07:47:15

Honestly, I think he's just not that invested in the relationship. If he wanted you to feel loved and cherished he'd make the effort. A few texts every day is hardly demanding much of his time.

Move on and find someone who wants to make you feel cherished.

Pottedplants Sun 26-Mar-17 11:24:13

I've been in relationships where we met up twice a week too. The guy I was seeing assured me this was very committed for him. He was a bit of a big wig and I know he was very busy (multiple businesses. It suited me for six months but I started to want a bit more and not just his 'date' at certain events. That really was where it started to crumble and it became very obvious we didn't have a future together. I wanted to see us eventually moving in together and the security of being on a full time relationship. He wanted twice a week date nights for ever more. You both need to be on the same page and know and be able and willing to meet each other's expectations. Just chat with him. This could be resolved very easily if you might find he wants to be less involved. Either way it is good to know.

thefluffyunicorn Sun 26-Mar-17 12:03:33

I'm happy with how often we see each other I don't want to move in or anything like that
I sent him a text when I was annoyed last night saying I was fed up of being so far down the list
He's not replied and he's not answering my calls
Oh well

Pottedplants Sun 26-Mar-17 19:32:49

Sorry to hear that OP. I think people make time for who they want to make time for. I know that isn't particularly helpful to hear. At least you have said your piece rather than being unhappy with the situation. He might step up or he might walk away. Either one is better than you saying nothing and getting increasingly unhappy.

category12 Sun 26-Mar-17 19:55:33

Sounds like his interest is waning.

If you've told him what you need (more contact) and he is snappy (about such a minimal requirement really) and not prepared to give a bit more, well... I would either have one last try, explaining how important it is to you - or if you've already done that and no joy, then walk away, dignity intact.

category12 Sun 26-Mar-17 19:56:25

Sorry, oh you have said. Sorry, missed that. OK, time to walk.

thefluffyunicorn Sun 26-Mar-17 23:08:33

Have spoken to him today
He's apologised and said he has got lots of issues on at the moment I'm going to see him later in the week and will sort it out properly

Pottedplants Sun 26-Mar-17 23:20:32

I hope it works out for you OP. x

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