Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Please reassure me!!

(51 Posts)
Princessmollygolly Sat 25-Mar-17 22:27:30

Please help me snap out of feeling shit. I've been pretty to a classic player seeking ONS but it's left me reeling a bit. Please tell me he sounds like a jerk!!

(Met on dating app)
Tons of messaging from the get go for 4 days til we actually met up. V over the top flattery- "you're soooo gorgeous" (in my pics), "we'll get on really well", "you're such a catch" etc
Wanted to meet for a drink at 10pm after he finished work
On date, commented that in a couple sitting near us "the girl was really punching above her weight. She's a 3 and he's a 9"...
before proceeding to rate himself a 9.5 and smugly day "when people have been telling you you're good looking all your life you start to believe them"
Said his past tinder dates had failed as either the women were "amazing" at sex but "dim", or "boring" at sex but "interesting"
Future faking - "we'll do this", "we'll go there" within about an hour of meeting
Flattering me on the date "you could make a bin bag look good" "you're so much hotter than your photos"
Complaining that women shouldn't expect men to pay on a first date m
He Suggested he come home with me, I stupidly agreed, he suggested we get an uber and then expected me to order and pay for it
After sex immediately gave a sort of critique- "you don't like having your hair pulled do you" me:"no" him (quite annoyed) "well why didn't you just say don't pull my hair??" Then "you didn't want me to go down on you did you?" Me: "what?" Him:"you stopped me" (I find it more intimate than PIV and to be honest just didn't want oral in the encounter, but him bringing it up made me feel really embArrassed and weird, I have since been asking myself if I had let him go down on me would I have passed the "amazing"/"boring" sex test?!? I don't think he should have mentioned it if he thought I didn't want it there was no reason to bring it up later
He didn't contact me again.... after 4 straight days of literally blowing up my phone pre-sex. I texted him something light and he just ignored on what's app.

Jerk- right??

Feel so taken in! sad any uplifting words would be great...

something2say Sat 25-Mar-17 22:31:15

Listen sweetie. There were tell tale signs all through that weren't there. You have listed them off yourself.
Fine, you slept with him, but he's not a good catch at all, so forget him and chalk it up.
Any other tinder fellas floating your boat? It is spring after all. X

SmellySphinx Sat 25-Mar-17 22:31:19

Sorry but he sounds like an utter dick head. Pretty much from start to finish. My only words would be > never message him again!

noodleaddict Sat 25-Mar-17 22:34:20

He sounds like a right nob. Vain and arrogant. Forget him. Move on to the next. Don't let him make you feel bad. You deserve much better.

nonameinspiration Sat 25-Mar-17 22:37:18

Good fucking lord. Never ever assess yourself against what this man thought or how he behaved toward you. Ever!

nonameinspiration Sat 25-Mar-17 22:38:12

And Block him because he will contact you when he's bored and horny!

Doc1308 Sat 25-Mar-17 22:39:14

Sorry..no other words apart from you deserve and will find better

Doc1308 Sat 25-Mar-17 22:55:28

Message me anytime xxxx chat always

NeonGod73 Sat 25-Mar-17 22:58:54

You spread your legs to this idiotic worm?

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 Sat 25-Mar-17 23:00:21

What a dickhead!!! He most definitely is a jerk! Don't beat yourself up though - just put it down to experience.

scoobydoo1971 Sat 25-Mar-17 23:06:25

When you see those adverts for OLD on the TV, they fail to mention the meat-market dark side...you didn't get played to be fair, the alarm bells about Mr Ego were there right from the world go. To say you were played is almost like excusing this situation and making you out to a victim of a lothario...you weren't, you knew what you were getting by his behaviour from the start...just learn from your mistakes, we all have dating disasters.

Doc1308 is right...you deserve better, so go get it, and don't accept sleazy compliments from losers. Rating people out of 10 screams 'run, run now' (I would have been climbing out of the toilet window right there). He just wanted sex and you are one in a long line of conquests who have fallen for his lines about looks...he was honest, he admitted previous dates and wasn't too kind in his reviews. How people talk about others is a huge indication of who they are, and what they are like.

We all make mistakes and Mr One Night Stand was a lucky escape (not to be repeated right?). You don't have mirrors big enough in your home for him to fit his ego :-)

Get an STD check please, he sounds like he has been around quite a bit. I used to work in a family planning clinic as a researcher and it was an eye-opener - the most unlikely looking people walked through those doors with plenty of stories to tell.

MusicToMyEars800 Sat 25-Mar-17 23:14:02

delete anything of him from your life, and move on!! you deserve better and will definitely find a man that treats you right. He is a knob!

BonnyScotland Sat 25-Mar-17 23:15:50

that sounds hellish from beginning to end... learn from it and be kind to yourself... forget this encounter.. and look forward x

Wondermoomin Sat 25-Mar-17 23:19:43

Ugh he sounds awful. Move on.

We all meet pricks once in a while, well done on spotting one quickly 🙌🏼

Destinysdaughter Sat 25-Mar-17 23:26:20

Oh God he sounds awful! See it as a lesson learnt. You seem to know in hindsight what the red flags were but you overlooked them on the night in the pub.

Replay it in your mind, what would you do differently now?

N.B meeting at 10pm is a pretty bad start!

Also, come and join the dating thread, lots of support and good advice there.

Btw, it sucks, but in a way, it's good it was only a ONS, can you imagine being in a relationship with this arrogant loser...?

Doc1308 Sat 25-Mar-17 23:34:40

Dating thread??

pictish Sat 25-Mar-17 23:34:55

What a charmer. hmm

I'm more concerned as to why you need us (or anyone) to tell you this guy is a creep.

Destinysdaughter Sat 25-Mar-17 23:37:51

Dating thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2884716-Dating-Thread-115-come-join-us

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 25-Mar-17 23:48:53

The fact that he wanted to pull my hair during sex would have me running for the hills on its own to be honest....

Princessmollygolly Sun 26-Mar-17 12:41:12

All my post has turned into strike through! Sorry if you manage to get through it- I can't change it in my app confused

Thank you all for the comments. You're right that even before I went on the date I was really dubious---- --but I was pleasantly surprised that I actually fancied him when we met (haven't really fancied anyone in ages and OLD is a lottery in that way) and he was really funny, charismatic etc (and, obv, an arrogant dick!) I thought I had a great BS radar and wouldn't end up bejng taken for a ride... I even said to him I wasn't sure we should go home together (when he suggested it) because I wanted to see him again, and he was all "I definitely want to see you again regardless". Barefaced lies!! But because he said that, a really masochistic part of me is thinking "was it the sex"/"did I do something wrong".... it seemed fine, enjoyable even, I didn't want the oral sex but I didn't think that would particularly bother him. He stayed the night and I had to get ready for work quite early but I didn't think it would just turn into being ignored and disrespected. Why!!? How stupid was I! I'm 28 ffs. I can't stop raking back over everything. Confidence at a mega low and this has cast a shadow over my weekend. That used feeling is awful. I just need to tell myself that given the evidence he was always just a player idio--t

And now all my above text has turned into strike through! Sorry....

Princessmollygolly Sun 26-Mar-17 12:41:48

Ok- so it's not in strike through- I'm as good at posting as I am at dating apparently hmm

Kittencatkins123 Sun 26-Mar-17 13:12:45

Stop blaming yourself - the man is a twat and you can do better. It's GOOD that you didn't have oral sex or let him pull your hair because you didn't want those things. It's really unpleasant that he wanted to pull your hair during first time sex anyway (personally I wouldn't like that ever at all) and oral sex can feel very intimate and anyway for whatever reason it's completely fine and in no way 'boring' to not want to do things you don't want to do. He sounds very manipulative trying to set that scenario up in your mind so maybe you would have gone along with what he wanted in bed to 'prove yourself'. So well done for sticking up for yourself.

Other than that - he just sounds awful, rating himself and going on about people telling him he is good looking - how hideous, shallow and arrogant.

Forget him, block, delete and move on. There are nice men out there, don't waste another second thinking about this creep. Next time look for more than just someone you fancy - he has to be a decent person too! Wait for someone who ticks both boxes.

HappenstanceMarmite Sun 26-Mar-17 13:26:48

Don't be too hard on yourself. We are all allowed one monstrous gaff in our lives 😂

The fact that he wanted to pull my hair during sex would have me running for the hills on its own to be honest....

I like it. Takes all sorts I suppose

Ellisandra Sun 26-Mar-17 13:34:45

There's no point in beating yourself up over a mistake.

It's nothing to do with you - he obviously just wanted to have sex.

But it really was a communist party convention of red flags there. Don't beat yourself up, we all make bad calls - but I'd consider a break from OLD, unless you really think you've learned from it. You sound very naïve.

MagnumPieEye Sun 26-Mar-17 13:37:18

If you enjoyed the sex could you convince yourself that you used him too? Might make you feel better.

He's sound like a total dick though. Forget about him.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now