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Husband insults me

(92 Posts)
user1490207478 Sat 25-Mar-17 22:18:23

Dear Ladies

I really hope someone can listen and help because my heart is crushing.

I've been married just over a year now.. I knew my husband had quite a sexual past but I never knew this would impact our relationship until we got married. I also never knew the extent of it until I recently found some old sex videos on an old USB he's forgotten about. It seemed to me he had a certain taste in women and was rather adventurous in bed, a side I've never seen.. which upsets me deeply. 

I'm 23 y/o, 5ft 3 and size 8. Far from overweight and have a small frame, I do have big boobs and no defined waist..whatever little wobbly bits goes to my stomach so my bum is not big nor do I have wide hips. 

My husband knew this and still married me.. everything was lovey dovey during engagement.
However since we got married, he keeps insulting and really hurting me saying things such as: "you're a strange female..never seen someone with no hips" "how are you going to carry a baby with no hips, the baby will get crushed" "I don't think you even have a womb" "you have the body of a 12 y/o" "you ain't got no bum" "alright pancake" "alright hippie (sarcastically implying I don't have wide hips)" "alright so tell me the truth do you think you can carry a baby? Where will it go?" "You're disabled with that bone structure not to have wide hips" "you're deformed" "why don't you have curves?" These are said on a regular.. It's killing me. I can't wear anything that is a little tight without him commenting about my body shape (how much he dislikes it), therefore I avoid anything that reveals my body at all costs and go more for wider and looser clothes. And I do tell him that he is far from perfect himself and needs to stop trying to make me feel like I'm abnormal when I'm perfectly healthy, active and also have a pretty face (!).

My husband is 25 y/o &yesterday  said to me "You're old as fu**", I wish when in 50 you could be 40". I don't know what's wrong with him, I look a few years younger than him anyways as I'm small. I've seen relationships where the wife is older if anything and it's beautifully perfect. He is not happy about our 2 yrs difference. He seems to have all these fake standard perceptions that society has set of what a perfect woman is meant to look & be like.. the typical "Kardashian" fake body. He has knocked my confidence and self esteem big time. I can't bare to look at myself in the mirror without all his comments running through my mind. 

Every woman wants (&needs) to feel the most sexy and beautiful by the man she loves, and I feel nothing but the opposite. I've tried speaking to him. He is cuddly and says things such as I could never lose you etc. Everything is so contradictory.

I'm the one always initiating sex and I had a fight with him about it and in the heat of the moment he said because you need to sort your body out. And I realised his brain is wired to all the sex and women he's been with.. and I can never fit that criteria or feel good enough. I am constantly feeling bullied and I wonder why he married me. I love him dearly but his hurtful insults about my looks and my femininity is killing me inside and causing a shield where I can't be myself or even wear a tight vest or feel confident during sex. I have considered fat transplant to get wider hips and bigger bum and a super flat  stomach, just don't have the money yet. 
Sorry about the long message but I have nobody to talk to about this as it is extremely personal and also embarrassing.. Please help. What would you do in my position? From a heartbroken unhappy girl..X

fusspot66 Sat 25-Mar-17 22:25:15

Well he's either deluded or abusive.
It's not you, it's him. He's not right.

SittingAround1 Sat 25-Mar-17 22:27:05

Q: What would I do in your position?

A: Get a good divorce lawyer

namechange20050 Sat 25-Mar-17 22:33:08

Oh my word. You are 23. A baby. Run like the wind from this man; you have your whole life in front of you.

Wotshudwehave4T Sat 25-Mar-17 22:33:30

You can't fix him (no one can), for your well being you need to leave him

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 25-Mar-17 22:35:12

He is a cunt. Divorce him. Get therapy. Why have you put up with it?

bibbetybobbetybooo Sat 25-Mar-17 22:35:28

Divorce him and start again. You're young and you don't need this crap in your life.

Goforit2017 Sat 25-Mar-17 22:37:56

God that is horrendous. Insulting and hurtful and quite cruel.

PickAChew Sat 25-Mar-17 22:38:18

I'm the original arseless wonder - 41-32-37 - and have 2 strapping sons.

Your husband, however, is the original arse.

And you, need less arse in your life, not more. Get out and get far far away. He will only get worse, especially if you do go on to get pregnant.

NeonGod73 Sat 25-Mar-17 22:39:20

Get the hell outta there, and get a quick divorce. This shit will only get worse. Everybody will tell you the same. And don't ever do that plastic surgery stuff just to please an idiot you'll be despising very soon. Kick him out.

gamerchick Sat 25-Mar-17 22:40:34

Don't have babies with this person. There will come a point where you'll have had enough and do what you should do now and dump his arse.

The longer you stay with him the longer you'll miss meeting a man who will make you feel good about yourself.

AyeAmarok Sat 25-Mar-17 22:41:05

What has made you think and feel that you deserve so little in life?

rascallyrascal Sat 25-Mar-17 22:42:31

You need to leave him, get a divorce and find someone who appreciates you just as you are. I'm a size 18 with many wobbly bits and my DH says he loves me "just as I am". Love and marriage is about acceptance and caring about the other person not criticism and abuse which is what he is doing to you. Kick his sorry ass to the curb! Xxxxxxxx

Mrstumbletap Sat 25-Mar-17 22:42:48

You don't need to prove to him your body can have babies. You need to prove to him you can leave his abusive arse.

You are 23, run, run run! When you are 33 you will be kicking yourself that you didn't leave whilst you were young and didn't have children with him.

Now is the time to get your plan together, file for divorce, move out, and find a man that appreciates his beautiful size 8 wife with big boobs!

AshesandDust Sat 25-Mar-17 22:44:11

He's messing up your head, he's poison. I couldn't put up
with that for the next 60 years - why would you want to.

passmethewineplease Sat 25-Mar-17 22:45:04

Life's too short for this shit OP.

Get rid of him out of your life, he sounds toxic.

MorrisZapp Sat 25-Mar-17 22:45:51

Get contraception. Use it. Plan to leave.

SaudadeObama Sat 25-Mar-17 22:46:35

Don't bring children into this relationship. If he says these horrible things to his wife that he claims to love imagine what insults he has waiting for a child that doesn't fit his deluded version of ideal. You're young, get away from this lowlife now!

gettinfedduppathis Sat 25-Mar-17 22:46:44

Q: What would you do in my position?
A: Get rid of him as soon as possible, he is an obnoxious twat.

IfeelFloopy Sat 25-Mar-17 22:48:10

You are beautiful exactly as you are. You sound normal and healthy. The problem is the way your husbands mind works, not the way you look! We all come in different shapes and sizes and it should be embraced!

Someone who loves you should not treat you this way. Recognise your self worth and that you deserve better.

Smurfette10 Sat 25-Mar-17 22:49:19

Never mind what he likes or wants, what do you want, for yourself I mean. He's out of line to say such cruel things, and if I were you I'd be thinking do I really want to be wasting any more of my time and life on this man who thinks that way about me, and insults me repeatedly, I would seriously consider divorce, and don't have his children he doesn't deserve that from you. Find someone who adores you and makes you truly happy x

thecoldnever Sat 25-Mar-17 22:49:28

Leave this piece of shit he's a fucking bully.I know it's easy for all of us to say this but find the courage and leave before you find yourself pregnant and please don't even think about changing your body for him.

Inexperiencedchick Sat 25-Mar-17 23:25:12

OP, writing here from experience...

Came across someone like your DH, and my self esteem went to zero. I got rid of him and I'm back to my normal self.
Leave now until it's too late.
And as PPs said use contraception not to get pregnant and start divorce procedures.
💐 Good luck!

paulapantsdown Sat 25-Mar-17 23:41:29

Do not get pregnant by this awful man, and leave as soon as possible.

Like, tomorrow.

bobs123 Sat 25-Mar-17 23:48:59

Talking from experience, first front up to him and in the strongest possible terms tell him how you feel, and that what he is saying is totally unacceptable. You need to be really tough here. I get that you love him and don't want to "hurt" him by saying "mean" things, but for your own sake you must. If he cannot accept that his behaviour is wrong, or says he will change, but then doesn't, or only for a short time, then you have done your best and it is time to move on.

Btw I have 34" hips and had no problem giving birth - twice

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