Discovered affair led to suicide

[omg12345]

Hi I posted on here awhile back about discovering my husbands affair. Long story short it was a huge bombshell as I believed we were a happily married couple with kids. No financial problems, beautiful house and we seem happy enough except for the odd little argument. When I discovered about the affair I left with the kids. He was really upset so I met him later that evening and I told him I would need him to start being totally honest about everything if our marriage had any chance of surviving.I said I would need to look at all his phone bill so I could get facts of what was going on. Later that night my husband died my suicide, leaving a wife and kids. There are no words to explain what we have suffered since. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. It's hard to believe he could throw it all away

[milliemillie]

For you

I don't really have advice but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry - you must have gone through hell.

Really hope your dc & you are ok and you all look after one another x

[ajandjjmum]

Please remember that you did nothing wrong.

I'm so sorry that you are having to cope with this dreadful situation.

[hareinthemoon]

omg I'm so sorry. Your emotions must be all over the place. I am not sure if there is anything I could say that would make any difference at all but I really am sorry. I hope you have support IRL - if not please do access anything and everything that is available to you.

[chinam]

I'm so sorry. I hope you know this is not your fault.

[ChiefClerkDrumknott]

It's not your fault. He chose to have an affair and he chose to take his life. We cannot control what the people we love choose to do. I'm sorry for your loss

[notapizzaeater]

I'm sorry for your loss but it is not your fault, he decided to do this.

[debbs77]

Goodness me. The feelings you must be feeling must be overwhelming. I hope you don't feel guilty. He made both sets of choices xxx

[springydaffs]

from me, too.

I'm so sorry you as a family have had to face this truly awful thing. My heart goes out to you.

You must feel you didn't get the chance to come to terms with the initial betrayal, had no chance to work it through, before you were hit with the unimaginable. What a huge shock on every level.

Have you had any professional support? eg therapy. Also peer support groups are where it's at for me ie meeting others who have been through the same or similar eg, for you, suicide support groups.

Have the kids had any support? Winstons Wish is an org that supports bereaved children. How old are your kids?

[Mamia15]

How truly terrible - you must be feeling totally overwhelmed.

Please remember that none of this is your fault - only he is responsible for his own actions and sadly he chose to commit suicide rather than face up to reality.

So very sorry for you and the DC and I do hope you all are getting the support you need x

[Angryangryyoungwoman]

I'm sorry for your loss. It must be a terrible shock to you and your children. Was this recently? Have you had any other suicides in your family previously?

[omg12345]

Thanks posters. It has been so difficult, not ever knowing how I should feel. At times I feel a lot of pity for how he must have been feeling so guilty and shameful.Other times I feel he not only had an affair but he really destroyed us through the suicide. He had no mental health issues and this all happened over the space of two days. I have to keep it together for my kids

[milliemillie]

The shock of both must have been awful to bare. I can't imagine what you must be going through.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

This is not your fault, please know that.

[Bluntness100]

Op, he did have mental health issues.,I'm sorry but he did. This is not your fault or issue, it was his and the fact he was mentally unwell cannot be disputed. No one who commits suicide is mentally well. This is something you have to deal with, but you do also have to accept he was mentally unwell.💐

[omg12345]

Both my kids are young and both are in therapy. My DD IS 7 and she has really come on, my younger son can't seem to understand but I believe it will hit him when he gets a little older. I have had massive support and attend counselling weekly. It's just so hard to believe what happened, happened. I don't think I'll ever figure it out

[SeveredPixieBits]

I'm so sorry. I have experience of this. My DP hanged him 10 years ago now when I tried to end our relationship. It took me a long time to allow myself to feel really angry with him. Im still heartbroken all these years later, even with a gorgeous new DH and two children. This is not your fault. It is HIS fault, although it may take a long time to process that.
I hope your children are ok.

[Overtiredbackagain]

I'm so sorry, sending hugs and stay strong x

[omg12345]

Bluntness your right he must of had mental health issues. He wasn't depressed but he was unable to cope with any emotional crises. He didn't have the tools. He was popular and successful but sometimes I felt he tried to pretend to be who he really wasn't

[Angryangryyoungwoman]

It seems that he had mental health issues, Had he had made any attempts previously?

[omg12345]

Severspixie my husband did it the same way in our home. I have never felt anger too which I must admit I find strange. All I feel is sadness and pity

[GlitteryFluff]

I'm so sorry

[Angryangryyoungwoman]

How long ago did it happen if you don't mind me asking again? Grief can be a long process

[HoldBackTheRain]

and for you OP - I am so sorry that this has happened to you and your DC. As others have said, this wasn't your fault, your DH must have been very unwell at the time. Sending you lots of love.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

Sorry for your loss. Was this a while ago now?

[OverthinkingSpartacus]

I'm so sorry OP.