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I'm so sad and pathetic, have just done exactly what I shouldn't have done

(18 Posts)
OhBlissOhJoy Fri 24-Mar-17 01:13:08

I'm 7 months on from finding out about STBXH affair. The house sale is going to complete soon, the decree nisi goes to hearing next week. I've fought every step of the way to get what I need out of the financial settlement, my home, my belongings, everything. But now, we are amicable and not fighting and our communication has become calm, friendly even. I can't bloody cope with it! I could fight like a banshee when I needed to but now all my boundaries have broken down and I'm grieving for us. The split has got so much harder for me as we've been friendlier - which we have needed to be as we needed to talk about splitting our possessions.
I miss him so much and I'm heartbroken and grieving and I've just sent him a text to tell him I miss him.
It won't change a damn thing. He's still with OW. We're still getting divorced. But having sent it I actually feel calmer. God I'm going to regret this in the morning though, aren't I?

MommaGee Fri 24-Mar-17 01:29:34

Tbh you need to grieve. You need to face tilt feelings. That way you can move on properly and If you want, find someone who treats you right xx

Deadsouls Fri 24-Mar-17 01:43:45

It's okay, you're human, you haven't done anything wrong. You might cringe a little that you sent it but you can get over it. You're feeling vulnerable and sad. It's a process, that's why you reached out, maybe you wanted a reply. You're sad and that's not a crime.

WaegukSaram Fri 24-Mar-17 02:59:27

We all have our weak moments, and you've been so busy being strong over the last seven months you're due one or two. Hats off to you for all you've achieved so far.

BTW, If he has even a shred of decency your text will probably make him feel like a shit. You're not the one who fucked up here, OP.

AnnieAnoniMouse Fri 24-Mar-17 03:24:41

Ah lovey, don't worry. Most of us have done the same or worse 💐 -- much worse, more than once--

Follow up text? 'Oh shit, wrong person, sorry!' Or if you think the OW is reading them 'Even though the sex was great the other night, I still shouldn't have text that in case she sees it'. ...

Fun to think about, but don't do it if you're getting on better now.

ignore ignore ignore

Loracia Fri 24-Mar-17 03:49:11

Well a lot of us have been where you are now. And their is life and laughter after divorce. You need to rebuild yourself, get fit, eat healthy, go out with friends, visit family. Find you... Avoid the ex and her. If you do bump into them just smile, look away and make it look like you're on the phone arranging a night out or a weekend away.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Fri 24-Mar-17 03:56:42

Of course you miss him. But that doesn't mean he's right for you after what he's done. How long were you together?

Like PPs said, you need to grieve. I know how this feels. It's a rollercoaster.

You can always offload on here flowers

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes Fri 24-Mar-17 04:01:08

What will you do if he responds and says he misses you or similar?

redstep Fri 24-Mar-17 04:01:45

Oh dear... IMO sending the text is not so bad if he's a decent man, you can always make it come across as a gentle sentiment rather than a desire. I don't know him so depends what kind of a man he is but be careful he might want to come back for a few no-strings shags now that he knows you have those feelings, doesn't mean he'll leave the OW and you'd get to feel even worse afterwards.

redstep Fri 24-Mar-17 04:02:09

Oh dear... IMO sending the text is not so bad if he's a decent man, you can always make it come across as a gentle sentiment rather than a desire. I don't know him so depends what kind of a man he is but be careful he might want to come back for a few no-strings shags now that he knows you have those feelings, doesn't mean he'll leave the OW and you'd get to feel even worse afterwards.

Shayelle Fri 24-Mar-17 07:28:02

flowers for you x

abbsisspartacus Fri 24-Mar-17 07:39:48

It's okay to miss someone if he replies with similar hold onto your pride and tell him you miss the life you had but you can't go back to it your moving on and saying goodbye

TheNaze73 Fri 24-Mar-17 07:44:08

Don't worry, anyone could make a mistake. Use the inevitable kick back you'll get from it, as the springboard to the rest of your life

OhBlissOhJoy Fri 24-Mar-17 09:07:38

He phoned as soon as he got the text, I thought he would be asleep.
He didn't fight for us because I immediately went ahead with divorce and house sale and he thought it was what I wanted.
I wish I could look forwards to my wonderful new life without him but to be honest it just looks empty.

LimpidPools Fri 24-Mar-17 09:12:54

Arsehole. None of it's what you wanted, is it?
You wanted him to be faithful. He wasn't. Don't let him lay this on you.

LimpidPools Fri 24-Mar-17 09:14:47

Oh, and your new life won't be empty. You just don't know what it will hold yet.

springydaffs Fri 24-Mar-17 09:20:54

Girl, less of the sad and pathetic, ok? You need a bit of self compassion here. Not self - flagellation, yes?

You've been through a life shattering event. You've coped remarkably well. You got your big girl pants on and protected yourself. Bravo you.

Kindness can be deadly when you're hurt and vulnerable. Ordinarily he would have been the one you leaned on through a shattering event.

Give yourself a break, you're only human. I'd take the peace after you sent it as a good sign - you did the right thing. For you. You're the important one here flowers

OhBlissOhJoy Fri 24-Mar-17 09:25:00

I think that OW hasn't been the greener grass that he expected. He chose her over me and regrets it now. But that was the choice he made and we both have to live with that decision.

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