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Feel used and discarded by everyone in my life

(24 Posts)
elephantcuddles Fri 24-Mar-17 00:29:18

I have been renting a house since the end of January and was originally told the house was available until mid May and possibly longer. My mom (who is horrible to me, very wealthy and all she cares about is money, has an arrogance about her etc) goes to a massage therapist and the massage therapist's parents own a house nearby that sits empty for most of the year. So I rent this house. There is no paperwork in place, so there is nothing legally binding. The massage therapist's parents let her pocket the money. It is on the pricey side.

Well, to put it in the nicest way possible, this woman is damn annoying. I get a text from her at least once a week to "check in" on me. I pay her in full each month, yet I feel like I'm being monitored. Her dad still gets mail here, so she comes by every week checking the mailbox unannounced. Sometimes a car I don't know will be outside going through the mailbox, which is weird to say the least.

Out of the blue this past Sunday, I got a text saying, "I thought that the house would be available until Mid May, but it's not going to be available in April. My parents want to come down for Easter and have the house. They are staying for 2 weeks. But you're welcome to rent until 13 April." No "sorry for the inconvenience." There was no "Sorry for the short notice"... nothing of the sort. I took a deep breath and replied, "Oh okay, then I need to make other plans soon. Thank you for letting me know."

Then she immediately texted me and said "You and I spoke briefly about cleaning. You said you would hire a cleaning person. If not, I can do it after I do a walk through and we can discuss the price. Usually I charge 100 pounds to clean it. I can come in the morning on the 13th. Thoughts?"

This pissed me off even more. So she wants to profit off of cleaning it herself. At first when I moved in she mentioned a cleaning fee and I thought she meant hiring a cleaning person. She is being pushy.
Well, to make matters worse, I showed my mom the texts. Her and my stepdad said it was wrong how she talked to me and that it wasn't nice at all. I am under unbelievable stress right now and my mental health is really suffering because all this is getting me so stressed out.

I thought maybe for once my mom actually cared. But what did she do today? She had a massage TODAY by this woman - less than a week after this happened. I thought surely she would find another massage therapist. There are literally hundreds of them around here.

What are your thoughts on this whole situation? I feel so upset and like what she did is basically like saying it's okay for someone to treat her daughter like this. My mom has always treated me bad. She was abusive to me growing up. She is rich and doesn't have to work because my stepdad. She could go to any other massage therapist. She spends all day doing whatever she wants and spending money. She never says one nice thing to me. I always feel like shit about myself around her. I don't normally live in this area and have for less than a year. Right now I want to get as far away from here as possible come 13 April. I am so hurt. I feel discarded by everyone right now. I was just money to this person and I feel I haven't even been treated like a human being... I'm being forced to move out and even my own mother doesn't seem to understand what this is doing to me. Should I say something? Would you be mad? She also added, " I didn't say anything and neither did she" (about the whole rental situation). Like that makes it better or okay.

arsenaltilidie Fri 24-Mar-17 02:03:03

I have a properties I rent out.

There is no need to worry a lot about your landlord because the law is on your side.
You need to be assertive with your landlord or else she'll will take advantage of you.

Without going into too much detail, these are the rights you currently have:
You have AT LEAST 6 months from the day you moved in.
If she wants to evict you before the end of 6 months then it has to be by MUTUAL agreement.
I cannot stress enough that it has to be on YOUR terms.
Either way your landlord should give you at least 2 months notice before she can evict you.
And she has no right to 'check up' on you. That is harassment.

If she wants to pickup her father's mail then it has to be on your terms eg once every 3 months or you can give the mail to your mother to give it to her.

Going forward this landlord is taking advantage of you and if you let her you'll be out of pocket.

You need to tell her politely that thanks for letting you rent her property but you won't be able to move out before the 13th of
April and you will need at least 2 months notice so you can find a suitable property.
That means her parents will have to find suitable accommodation elsewhere.

If she starts to message you anything else tell her politely her messages are coming across as harassment and you may have to take it further.

Also politely tell her you don't appreciate it when she comes in to collect her father's mail because it feels like she's checking up on you.

As for the cleaning, as there was no inventory then I wouldn't worry about it at all.
If she wants to claim cleaning costs then just tell her, again, politely that you left the place as you found it.

As a landlord the cleaning is her responsibility. Your responsibility is to leave the place in a reasonable state but as there was no inventory it's your word against hers.

elephantcuddles Fri 24-Mar-17 02:43:16

Thank you for your reply. Do I still have these rights even though there is no legal contract in place? I guess I thought because I have no lease that I signed, there is nothing I can do.

What do you think of the fact my mom gave her business and went and had a massage from her less than a week after this happened? I'm really hurt and angry by that. I thought surely she would find another massage therapist.

Shayelle Fri 24-Mar-17 06:26:52

I wouldnt take the advice above because things could get very nasty by the sounds of it. This renting of the house was an informal arrangement for just several months from the beginning. Why dont you start looking now and go and find somewhere asap that has a formal contract, that is more affordable to you, and that isnt any connection to do with your mother. You need to take the emotion out of this situation as im sure it isnt personal. Did you pay a deposit for the house?

arsenaltilidie Fri 24-Mar-17 06:27:14

Yes! You have those rights. As soon as you move into a place you are automatically given an AST.
The Tennant Agreement is generally meant to protect the landlord.

Shayelle Fri 24-Mar-17 06:33:56

It depends on if you want to create more stress for yourself, both with your mother and with the owner of the house who sounds like she feels like she's 'done you a favour' to your mother by letting you stay there informally for a few months. Personally I wouldnt bother with the stress, you dont like it there anyway, they want the house back sooner than they originally said - could be doing you a favour by the sounds of it as you werent even happy there. Good luck in moving forward, when you find a nice little place with a solid legal agreement in place you can just relax x

sleeplessbunny Fri 24-Mar-17 06:40:07

I dont think op is in the UK. The advice above may not be relevant if you are outside the UK, op.

arsenaltilidie Fri 24-Mar-17 06:40:19

When you move into a place you are Automatically given a AST which generally means 6 months and 2 months notice unless there is a WRITTEN agreement.
That means it's your home.
It would be difficult to find a suitable home in 3 weeks especially a tenancy that begins in the middle of the month.
Pay your rent on time but continue to find a suitable place you are happy with, on your terms.
Don't let this landlord bully you and certainly don't pay anything towards her cleaning bill.
She has no leg to stand on.

SarahMused Fri 24-Mar-17 06:56:52

This website is really helpful for advice on issues like this .
Shelter also has good advice. The lack of a written contract makes no difference, verbal ones are legal. Keep any communication you have and decide whether you want to fight this or whether you would be better to cut your losses and move out now as an AST only guarantees you six months anyway.
If it is overpriced and comes with all this extra drama you may be better moving as soon as you can. The issues with your mother are not relevant to your housing issues. Presumably you are an adult and have no call on her finances or right to decide on who she is friends with.

Ellisandra Fri 24-Mar-17 07:30:33

You have some totally separate issues here.

The big issue is of course your mother. Just on what you've said in one post, it's clear to me you were never going to get any support from her - and I don't know her! So if you still had an expectation of support and are upset by the lack of it, you would benefit from therapy I think, to move on from her abuse.

But the most pressing issue is the housing situation. The above poster giving detail of the AST is correct. Even though you actually agreed to a period of less than 6 months (end May) a court would not remove you until 6 months by default.

We have different perceptions though. I don't see the 'landlord' masseuse as a dastardly user, discarding you. I see her as a selfish and rude person, yes - and as an accidental landlord who has no clue what she is doing, and the law around it. I doubt you paid a deposit or provide references or were credit checked? So she will think it was an informal agreement that suited you both. The time to complain about the texts / mail was when it was happening. And as you'd agreed to a cleaning person - by the sounds of it? - then why wouldn't she do the cleaning herself and make some money? If you can get a cleaner for less than £100 (or do it yourself) then just say "no thanks". Easier to be assertive when you haven't had years of your mum grinding you down!

You could stay put - the law is with you. Given everything you've said, I wouldn't bother. I'd suck up that it's also my responsibility not to have agreed to insecure housing - even though the law is on your side.
If you still have a rent payment due, I wouldn't make it. Either outright say "you're taking the piss, with this notice, I need it for additional costs". Or, if it's hard for you to be so assertive, just stall...
use that last rent payment to help you with short term accommodation like AirBnB. Any shit from her, ask her if she's declaring the rent to HMRC wink and give her the details than you're on an AST wink

Get yourself secure housing - do it properly.
Get yourself a therapist.
Work on distancing yourself from your mother.
Accept that the housing situation was a bad decision, but that it's unlikely the masseuse had some kind of personal agenda to use you. Don't mix her up with your mother!

Ellisandra Fri 24-Mar-17 07:37:23

Hang on - are you the poster who was recently in South Africa?
If so, that really fits now you explain about your mother.

highinthesky Fri 24-Mar-17 07:42:25

Stop letting you LL walk all over you. Perhaps then your resentment towards her earning from rental and other enterprises might take a back seat.

And disregard what your mother says, it's none of her business.

DarklyDreamingDexter Fri 24-Mar-17 07:55:05

I don't know about the legality of your rights, but I'm not sure how you'd assert them without a solicitor or other expenses and aggro. In your situation and for the sake of your mental health, I'd be tempted to just get out asap, find a nice place to rent on a proper legal footing where all rights an responsibility are clear. As fo the cleaning, I'd tell her to piss off. Where's your contract to say you have to clean it? Oh, you don't have one, boo boo for her. Another thought.. I wonder if she declares the income from your rent to the tax man, I bed she doesn't. I'd be reporting her to the Inland Revenue as a parting shot!

Footle Fri 24-Mar-17 08:09:18

SleeplessBunny, I'm also wondering if OP is in the U.K. Not many houses here have outdoor mailboxes.

elephantcuddles Fri 24-Mar-17 14:50:56

Hello, well I agree with the posters who have said that fighting this will only result in more stress. I don't plan to fight it at all. I'm hiring a separate cleaning crew to come in and professionally clean it (although I could clean it myself and it would look nice... sigh.). My real issue here is with my mom. I'm hurt that she has gone to this massage therapist less than a week after this happened. The other night she said to me with my stepdad present, "We think the way _ handled the situation was really rude." And then my stepdad chimed in, "It wasn't right." And then she goes to her for a massage two days later. So overall, I just feel like no ones gives a shit about me... nevermind the fact that I have less than 30 days to find somewhere else to go. I'm hurt but I know that I don't really have time to dwell on it or work out my feelings because I'm in a position where I'm left scrambling.

BonnyScotland Fri 24-Mar-17 15:14:32

you have been given sound legal tenancy advice... you have chosen to ignore it...

you need to care about yourself... love thy self .. respect thy self .. be kind to yourself... you cannot depend of others for your emotional well being x

elephantcuddles Fri 24-Mar-17 15:17:12

I'm not really choosing actively to ignore it, but in this situation, fighting it will only cause drama in the end. It's better if I just leave and cut my losses. I'm upset about what my mom has chosen to do. I didn't come here looking for legal advice.

ZombieApocalips Fri 24-Mar-17 15:29:39

I think that you need to readjust the expectations that you have about your mum. Mothers are normally supportive but yours isn't and if you don't expect support then she can't disappoint you.

(I'm a daughter who can't expect support from my mum and while it sucks not having support, I'm not unhappy about it because I know it's not available)

I think that you need to think about what lessons you've learned.
- don't rent a house just because the landlord is friends with your mum
- don't rent somewhere "somewhat pricey"
- get a contract. You won't have to put up with shit like being harrassed for post.

elephantcuddles Fri 24-Mar-17 15:32:38

I was living abroad and came back to this area and needed somewhere to live fast as the only place available was living with my mom, which is not a good option. My mom pushed me to rent the place from this woman and fast. Normally, no, I would never rent without a contract in place.

What I meant by pricey is that I'm paying a pretty penny for it -- I'm not getting some good deal just because it's someone that my mom knows. I can afford it just fine, however. My point in adding that is that for paying this amount, I would think that they would treat me decently. Like they say, you get what you pay for... well, not in this case.

And yes, I did think that I would get at least somewhat more support from my mom but now I know that to not be the case.

elephantcuddles Fri 24-Mar-17 15:34:34

I won't ever make the same mistake again to think that I could get support from my mom. I was stupid to think that she would actually care. What she's shown me is that it's perfectly okay with her if others are rude to me. This teaches me a lot about how I've let people treat me in my life... because she shows again and again that it's okay with her. This is definitely a life lesson.

BonnyScotland Fri 24-Mar-17 16:24:12

Walk away.... don't let your Mother destroy your happiness x

elephantcuddles Fri 24-Mar-17 16:50:14

I am really tempted to send my mom a text saying how upset I am that she is supporting this person after how I've been treated. I feel like telling her that I guess it's okay with her for others to treat her daughter rudely. I'm really fighting the urge to do this. I want to tell her off. I partially blame her for the situation I'm in. She encouraged me to move into this house and the whole thing was her idea as she said she knows this person, etc. Should I just stop talking to her or send her a text?

A part of me feels better when I don't let her have any access to my thoughts. She can somehow turn around whatever I say and make me feel like a crazy person.

Ampersand22 Fri 24-Mar-17 17:02:43

I think it would be fine to send the text if you can take the flak on top of your stress. Expect some. She sounds horrible and this is nothing new for you. Equally it would be a good enough reason to just walk away. You don't need this crap.

I wish I'd challenged my sister when she continued to drink in the pub where I had been physically assaulted by my female boss and had then been 'let go'. She's done worse since then.

Your mum will never have your back. Move out and in to something where you don't have this overlap with your family. I really feel for you.

ZombieApocalips Mon 27-Mar-17 15:18:43

You can't change how other people treat you OP but you can treat yourself much better.

You moving into her aquaintance's house makes her look good. It sounds like that is more important than your emotional wellbeing. If she was a supportive mum then she'd organised a discount on the rent or at least picked another massage therapist.

Whether or not you should send the text depends on how you think she'll react. Will she act surprised and turn things around to make you look bad? Will she be angry that you've called her a bad mum?

As a matter of interest, how did you mark Mother's Day?

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