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He is taking on more hours

(14 Posts)
cuddlebug Thu 23-Mar-17 00:02:14

Hi all. So my oh works in the evenings at the moment 7x a week and I look after our son. I am going back to work next month, and he has told me that he is going to be working morning and early afternoons, nap and then go work in the evenings!! I am pissed off because Not only I work but I am also doing my teachers training award, an nvq and also volunteer once a week to do my nvq! He promised that he will support me and now I am not going to have any time to do any of my work, and will not be able to volunteer anymore because he has chosen to work all day on the day I am volunteering and therefore I am unable to continue to do my nvq.

Am I right to be so pissed off? I said I am going to have to take him to childcare for a few hours once or twice a week so I can get my work done but he is refusing to let me do this!! We're not in debt, we live a comfortable life so what the fxck!! I am screwed!! Sorry I am really feeling down cos everything was working out fine until now!! sad

blackteasplease Thu 23-Mar-17 00:07:13

How can he possibly refuse to let you?

Just say "this is happening", or give him the options of not increasing hjs hours or putting ds in childcare.

If he thinks he can tell you not to work/ study then you have a big problem.

blackteasplease Thu 23-Mar-17 00:07:58

Andnwhy the hell are his naps featuring in "things that must take priority"?

cuddlebug Thu 23-Mar-17 00:10:12

Because he is always tired hmm

scoobydoo1971 Thu 23-Mar-17 00:23:00

If your partner is being unsupportive, find alternative solutions for child-care to allow you to pursue your education, voluntary placement and work opportunities. If he doesn't agree, do it anyway as you are entitled to a life outside motherhood. Depending on your financial circumstances, you may be entitled to claim some child-care costs back from the Government so check online.

This might be a child-minder, trusted baby-sitter or a local nursery. You don't say how old your child is, but in my experience, life gets better to organise other non-child related stuff into once they start nursery or school. Once my youngest child started school, I did a teacher training qualification part time at a local college and loved it. If your partner sees you spending household income on child-care services, he may become more obliging and flexible with his availability ;-)

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 23-Mar-17 00:36:38

"he has told me that he is going to be working morning and early afternoons, nap and then go work in the evenings!!"
Seven days a week? That's unsustainable. Why would he need to do that? Why would he want to (other than the obvious - to try to sabotage your plans)? And who is stupid enough to employ someone on that basis? Tired workers make mistakes and for e.g. drivers it's not even legal.

"I said I am going to have to take him to childcare for a few hours once or twice a week so I can get my work done but he is refusing to let me do this"
Well he can express a preference, but it carries no weight. If he's not going to care for his child when you are working, then alternative arrangements must be made. He cannot refuse, you don't need his permission to do this.

Make sure you get back to work. You may need your independent earning power more than you thought you would sad.

Adora10 Thu 23-Mar-17 12:24:55

What a selfish prick; he can't dictate what you do with your working life; he's not god, tell him to bolt.

Dozer Thu 23-Mar-17 12:27:56

He works seven evenings a week? Surely that's not allowed under working time legislation?

He can't unilaterally decide: parenting, including organising childcare, is as much his responsibility as yours.

Dozer Thu 23-Mar-17 12:28:38

Don't change your work plans or stop the NVQ: you will need your income, especially if you're not married.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Thu 23-Mar-17 12:29:24

When does he do any parenting?
Or any dhing either??

BiddyPop Thu 23-Mar-17 12:29:41

You are going back to work so need to organize suitable childcare. That includes hours to allow you to complete your studies and your volunteering time.

He knows this, and is trying to make it difficult for you by not being available for childcare himself. But if he is not willing to undertake childcare himself, then it MUST be done by someone else - whether that is wider family (not available to everyone!), or a crèche/nursery/childminder outside the home, or a paid childminder/nanny coming to your home (possibly not the best if he "needs to nap"!), then as long as you find a suitable option, he cannot object if he doesn't want to do it himself.

happypoobum Thu 23-Mar-17 12:45:51

* but he is refusing to let me do this!*

What do you mean? How will he stop you?

He sounds like he doesn't want you to go back to work or improve your career prospects so he can keep you "in your place" and this is all just an elaborate but manipulative plot to keep you tied to him.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 23-Mar-17 13:33:41

Wow - I think this is the tip of the iceberg.
I am going to assume he is abusive in other ways as well.
Why are you listening to him saying 'it's not allowed'??
Who gives a shit what he says?
I think you do because there is more to this than meets the eye!

ElisavetaFartsonira Thu 23-Mar-17 19:00:31

How does he think he's going to stop you from putting your child in childcare? If he has PR, he could then remove the child as soon as you've dropped him, but that just means him doing the childcare instead. Which is fine.

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