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family support

(4 Posts)
valeview Wed 22-Mar-17 16:07:03

I looked after my mother for 10 yrs, starting off with just doing a bit of shopping, and ending up with moving in to provide 24 hr care, as she was incontinent and totally incapable of living alone. She didn't want to go into a home, and I had always promised her she wouldn't. My sisters and brother did next to nothing. Thats not my gripe, but it was a dreadful time for me, and my siblings and the rest of the family have shown no support. My brother, always a feckless waste of time, turned up drunk at my house and physically attacked me after the funeral, and I had to call the police. I was terrified, to be honest, as I was alone in a house, no one nearby to help, and he was very threatening, and threatened to kill me. He wanted to know where Mums stuff was, pictures etc. My sister and husband had turned up in a van shortly after Mums death and took most of the house contents. When he was gone, I called my sister and told her what had happened. I also called my aunt, and told her too. I was really traumatised. They did NOTHING. Although my sister had taken most of the stuff, she didn't call my brother and tell him SHE'D taken it. She said nothing. And so it goes on, he is still able to attend family gatherings, my Aunt and sister still send him Birthday cards and christmas cards etc..... and they have not said a SINGLE word to him, and he continues to behave badly. The police have told him not to come near me again, but I feel the lack of loyalty and support from the rest of the family really badly. They hate confrontation, i know, but not saying a thing about it is giving him the message they don't care about it... and to be honest, I don't think they do, really. It's like I don't matter. I can't seem to get through to them how much this affects me. My Aunt is elderly, and I do a lot for her, it's history repeating itself, and I need to make them realise that it isn't ok for me to be treated like this. Just thinking about it makes me so angry and so resentful, but I can;t seem to make the connection where they understand. Help... please....
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Username:
valeview
Subject:
lack of family support
Message:
I looked after my mother for 10 yrs, starting off with just doing a bit of shopping, and ending up with moving in to provide 24 hr care, as she was incontinent and totally incapable of living alone. She didn't want to go into a home, and I had always promised her she wouldn't. My sisters and brother did next to nothing. Thats not my gripe, but it was a dreadful time for me, and my siblings and the rest of the family have shown no support. My brother, always a feckless waste of time, turned up drunk at my house and physically attacked me after the funeral, and I had to call the police. I was terrified, to be honest, as I was alone in a house, no one nearby to help, and he was very threatening, and threatened to kill me. He wanted to know where Mums stuff was, pictures etc. My sister and husband had turned up in a van shortly after Mums death and took most of the house contents. When he was gone, I called my sister and told her what had happened. I also called my aunt, and told her too. I was really traumatised. They did NOTHING. Although my sister had taken most of the stuff, she didn't call my brother and tell him SHE'D taken it. She said nothing. And so it goes on, he is still able to attend family gatherings, my Aunt and sister still send him Birthday cards and christmas cards etc..... and they have not said a SINGLE word to him, and he continues to behave badly. The police have told him not to come near me again, but I feel the lack of loyalty and support from the rest of the family really badly. They hate confrontation, i know, but not saying a thing about it is giving him the message they don't care about it... and to be honest, I don't think they do, really. It's like I don't matter. I can't seem to get through to them how much this affects me. My Aunt is elderly, and I do a lot for her, it's history repeating itself, and I need to make them realise that it isn't ok for me to be treated like this. Just thinking about it makes me so angry and so resentful, but I can;t seem to make the connection where they understand. Help... please....

SandyY2K Wed 22-Mar-17 17:40:52

Paragraphs would be helpful, instead of a complete wall of text.

valeview Wed 22-Mar-17 19:12:53

well, thanks... that was very helpful

Mouikey Wed 22-Mar-17 20:20:39

Personally I would back off helping your Aunt out and leg the others step up. You've done your bit and as they say 'no good deed goes unpunished'.

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