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Do these characteristics have a name?

(6 Posts)
BlueNeighbourhood1 Wed 22-Mar-17 12:59:40

I was reading a thread on another forum and these traits came up in a description of a partner:

-He is financially irresponsible and expects you to bail him out
-He is dismissive of your concerns and options and is not prepared to even discuss these, let alone change his own behaviour for you or for the relationship
-He is unwilling to socialise with your friends and makes you feel smothered
-He manipulated you by sulking, holding grudges and taking offence, to the extent that you are changing your actions to try and avoid this reaction
-He knows you were in an abusive relationship but is not supportive of your wish to learn to be more assertive
-You feel desperate and smothered

Is this an abusive relationship? Or does the boyfriend show some sort of sociopathic/narcisstic tendencies? I'm just trying to caterogise it as an ex of mine - I could've written these traits word for word.

BusyHomemaker Wed 22-Mar-17 13:02:27

It does sound abusive, yes. Are you okay?

BlueNeighbourhood1 Wed 22-Mar-17 13:07:07

Hey, and thank you for asking.

I'm absolutely fine, I've been in a great new relationship for nearly a year now and everything is brilliant. I just read this, and you know when something strikes a chord with you? Well that happened. But I didn't know that particular set of traits more than one person possessed them.

BusyHomemaker Wed 22-Mar-17 13:21:06

It's quite unnerving when you look into the characteristics if abusive men as they don't reveal their true self early in the relationship. By the time you realise who they really are you've been sucked in by all their positive characteristics. Combine that with the use of mind games and it can be really hard to see the situation for what it is.

So glad for you that you've moved on and found happiness with someone who treats you with respect.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 22-Mar-17 15:37:49

Yep - that's emotional abuse with a bit of financial abuse thrown in for good measure!
I'm glad you got out.

Maybe look up 'narcissist' as well.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 22-Mar-17 19:01:17

Don't worry about categorising him. Worry about yourself.

You obviously stayed with him for a good while despite red flags and then lots of actual abusive behaviour. This indicates that you have codependent tendencies.

That puts you at risk of being in abusive relationships (in general life, not just romance). Get reading about codependency.

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