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Pregnant, no support

(6 Posts)
Vanillaa Wed 22-Mar-17 11:41:26

Not sure what to do, welcome any advice sad

I've never felt so alone and lost.

After initially making out he would be supportive the baby's dad has been the complete opposite. Hasn't financially contributed a penny, so I've had to spend on credit cards to get baby bits (only essentials but it all adds up). He kept me hidden away as soon as I started showing so it seems like he will keep the baby a secret too, if he even bothers to see them.

Can't afford somewhere to live, I've been searching for places to rent but none want to accept housing benefit and if they do, they want the first months rent/deposit up front which I just don't have.

I have had to move in with my parents, who aren't happy with me living with them and a couple of occasions over the last few weeks there's been huge rows about me living here. It's so horrible being so unwelcome.

I applied for the housing register which has been declined as they say I have no need to be housed. They said if/when I am homeless I can expect to be in a hostel for up to 6 months due to massive housing shortages in the area.

I feel like I'm doing everything I can but getting nowhere, I don't even have anyone to take me to the hospital when I go into labour so I have to find money for a cab there and no idea how I'll get back.

Just feel so alone and miserable. I don't know what to do to improve things sad

hellsbellsmelons Wed 22-Mar-17 11:47:34

I'm so so sorry that your parents are so unsupportive of you going through all this.
Don't hide away.
Tell everyone you are pregnant and who the father is.
Start now with CMS so you get child maintenance from the father once the baby is born.
Do you have any friends who would help you at all?
If you cannot afford a taxi when the time comes then you may have to call an ambulance to get you to hospital.
Maybe look into that before it happens.
See if you can do that.
How old are you?

BusyHomemaker Wed 22-Mar-17 12:45:25

So sorry you are going through such a hard time. How far along are you? I agree you should tell everyone - you have nothing to hide! Have you told your midwife about your situation? Do you have a local childrens/SureStart centre you could access for support? NCT offer significant discounts for people on low incomes and many churches have groups for new and expectant mums. Your parents attitude is abhorrent but you don't have to go through this unsupported flowers

Happybunny19 Wed 22-Mar-17 12:52:53

I'm so sorry all the people around you who should provide support are letting you down. Can you speak to your community midwife to ask what support is available locally and explain your problem with transport to hospital? It can't be the first time they've come across similar circumstances. Congratulations on your baby btw flowers

jeaux90 Wed 22-Mar-17 12:57:03

Get some advice also from Gingerbread. Make sure you tell everyone and work out what child maintenance he needs to pay. Get stern and practical with him. He's not being much use to you so you have nothing to lose.

I know a hostel sounds awful but you might get lucky and not have to stay too long before being housed. Your parents would have to make you homeless though.

A couple I know were in a hostel with their young baby it was hard but it was ok and they got a nice flat within 6 months. A year later they got transferred out to a lovely small town.

I know how awful this is, I was pregnant and rejected/hidden so it's important to take control wherever you can and try planning ahead. Go over to the lone parents thread too, lots of support there. X

Want2bSupermum Wed 22-Mar-17 12:59:00

Speak to Women's Aid and ask them for help with your housing. I would think, from what you have described, you are in that category of a woman at risk, which means you should be a top priority for housing.

Most councils, for women in your position, offer help with the deposit and sometimes moving costs too. Ask Women's Aid about this too.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It's not normal and it's not acceptable. You need to also, as others have said, speak to your midwife about this. Some men turn funny when you are pregnant with their baby. Domestic abuse is not uncommon and it's why midwives and HVs will continue to ask all mothers if all is well at home.

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