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Please share positive stories of new partners and your children

(10 Posts)
Clockwatch Wed 22-Mar-17 10:16:37

Hi all brew
Please share your positive stories of settling down with a new DP and how your DC coped with it.
I need to know that there are times when it all works out and it's not all wicked stepmothers.

debbs77 Wed 22-Mar-17 11:00:52

I had a great relationship with my children's step dad.....he was wonderful with them and still is, even though we aren't together.

The key, I think, to not being seen as the wicked step mother is down to the man. THEY need to be the ones disciplining their child, THEY need to be the ones making sure children are treated fairly, while also giving their own children time so they don't feel neglected. So many men only see their children at weekends, and their time is so precious with them that they don't want to tell their children off. But will happily tell off their step children that they live with (they of course should be able to do that!). But there can't be two sets of rules.

I remember my ex step daughter once tried to push her brother down the stairs when they were here. All she got told by her dad was "awww that's not very nice is it". Yet mine would talk at dinner and get told off!

Or they would be spiteful to my kids (my step daughter once pulled all my daughters clothes off the hangers because she 'took up too much room'). Her dad did nothing, so I had a word with her. Of course, I then became the wicked step mother!

I recently had a 6 month relationship and part of the reason I ended it was because of how his 6 year old daughter was. Full on spiteful, told my kids to shut up and called them stupid (all older than her too!) And when they told him, he did nothing.

I also saw her attempt to hit her dad over the head with her kindle, so aggressively that he cowered. He said nothing! I told her we don't have hitting in my house!!!!!

aibu1983 Wed 22-Mar-17 11:24:16

My children love my partner (weve been together 2 years), they were very aware of how toxic my relationship was with their dad whilst we were together and never really had him as a strong male influence which i think they craved. my son kept asking me if i had a boyfriend when i had split up with his dad and after 3 months of being together i introduced them, he gives them attention, asks about their day and plays with them, he treats them as his own too. my daughter was really looking forward to a night with just the two of them on saturday when i was out and my son was at a sleepover, he took her for a milkshake and they ordered pizza and watched a film together.

he disiplines them too but they respect him completely. i think i am very lucky and would never have imagined a situation like this turning out so well as im the first in my family to have a broken relationship.

Clockwatch Wed 22-Mar-17 19:26:00

Thanks aibu.
I think I mean I have DC, potential new partner has none - what are the pitfalls? Everything I read seems to be around how it fails! There must be some stories of good relationships and DC who grow up into adults who love their step parents!

SayenRose Wed 22-Mar-17 20:06:47

My husband doesn't have any children of his own (we are trying at the moment!) but I have 2 DC aged 6 & 11.

I've been with DH for almost four years, but he didn't meet my DC until about a year into our relationship. This was my choice, the DC go to their dad's every other weekend so I would alternate weekends with him and with them. After a year he started to visit us on my weekends with them and we'd go out somewhere, after a while he began staying over and then later on we all moved in together. And now of course we are married.

My DC love him and he loves them, he does a lot for them, pick ups and drop offs as well as at least 50% of the housework in general. He's wonderful, honestly, he is a very kind and considerate man. He doesn't tell them off, but my DC are very laid back and so I take care of that when it's needed.

They still have a dad, so they didn't need a new one (and their dad really likes my husband) My husband is just an amazing, caring adult in their lives. And I made it very clear throughout the early stages and even before we married that bad treatment of my DC is a deal breaker.
I really admire DH, as if I'm honest, I'm not sure I could be as good a stepmum as he is a stepdad.

Also, my dad is a stepdad (my mum already had my sister when they got together) and she considers him her dad.

Clockwatch Wed 22-Mar-17 21:32:06

Is amazing your ex really likes you new DH - definitely won't be possible in my case as my ex is a bitter WN mean bastard....

3perfectweemen Wed 22-Mar-17 21:47:43

My dh loves my son from a previous relationship exactly the same as our other two children we had together. Ds tells me he is the best dad ever and he still sees his biological father but they don't have as strong bond. I have a step daughter and I love her and she loves me. I get on great with her mum.

VelvetB Wed 22-Mar-17 22:10:02

My DP is step dad to my 9 year old DS and we also have a 10 month old DS together. It hasn't been plain sailing by any means, we have some different, but not massive attitudes to parenting which have somehow seemed magnified because he's not his dad iyswim. I think if I'm honest I'm a little bit more sensitive about how he treats the older one because he's not 'his'. But he treats both boys the same and does loads for us all in terms of pick ups, drop offs, volunteering at Cubs and comes to parents evenings when DS dad has never been interested. My older one thinks the world of DP and really does respect him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that's it's taken some time to work it all out between us but totally worth it - can't imagine it any other way now

inaclearingstandsaboxer Wed 22-Mar-17 22:19:24

I am on my third husband ( greedy)

I have two DDs one each from my first two marriages - girls are now in late twenties.

The present Mr Boxer and I have no children - we are now too old. We have been together for 14 years which is longer than my previous two marriages put together!!

EXH number 1 gets on well with DH - they have lots in common ( except DH isn't a 55 yrs old man child) ExH 2 hasn't been seen for 14 years...

Dd1 loves her dad but he is a man child - still living the punk life but he is a loving dad and with all his faults a good one. We are all very find of him

Dd2 has autism and has become very attached to DH - they get on very well. DD1 relies on DH to do all the grown up parent stuff - DIY, cash input, look at her car.... Etc.

DH has no children of his own but I know he talks about his 'daughters' at work. He is also very very patient with them especially DD2

aibu1983 Thu 23-Mar-17 08:57:25

yep my partner has no children , they are both mine

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