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Partner walks out on me and 3 month old baby

(11 Posts)
MaryB123 Wed 22-Mar-17 09:38:27

Yesterday 21:04 MaryB123

Hi,

A few months ago I gave birth to my first child and my partner and I had the usual arguments - I had a touch of post natal depression and although I was ready for a child nothing prepared me for the change. After 3 months my partner said the relationship had changed, the spark was gone and he was unsure whether he wanted to stay. That I had changed since I left the hospital, was high maintenance, demanding and had become a weak woman. After a few weeks of him pretending to want to be with me he left. He said he didn't love me anymore and had stopped loving me later in pregnancy even though he pretended to all our family and friends that he loved me to bits, was going to marry me and talked about having more children. When he left he blamed me for everything and still does. He assainated my character to anyone who would listen including friends and family. It was and is still devastating. He even sent his mum around with a list of all the things I had ever done in our relationship to upset him, every argument and mishap. She screamed at me and my child for 3hrs and even threatened to take my son. His family believes everything he says and they blame me. They say I forced him to leave. Everyone I have spoken to even therapists tell me that he ran from his child and his responsibilities. He is a 36 year old man who has always lived at home and never had a serious girlfriend so I was the first woman he truly committed to. We were together 2.5 years and actively tried for a child. He said he really wanted a family with me. When we told his family we were expecting his mum didn't take the news well and wasn't pleasant to me from that day forward. It caused lots of stress. She never gave me any support once I had my son and barely made the effort to see him but of course I'm to blame for that.

Now him and his family are kicking up a stink about access to my son. They just want to take my son away from me to bring around to his parents house. They have no consideration as to how that affects me and my son - he doesn't even know who his father is anymore. He cries every time he had seen him.

What type of man does that to his partner and mother of his child?

How do you get through the pain and move forward?

user1477054316 Wed 22-Mar-17 10:06:45

I'm so sorry for your pain. Becoming a new mum under such difficult circumstances must be horrendous but honestly? You've had a lucky escape from this man, he couldn't hack the responsibility and he's diverting all the blame from himself, hence the list of the things you've done wrong to lift any blame from himself. Hope you can manage to figure out access in a way that suits you and your baby but as for the relationship, you can do much better than an immature 36 year old mummies Boy. I would keep it all about the baby and avoid any arguments that his mother wants you to engage in. Keep it strictly about the baby from now on. Try and find some good mother and babies groups, get yourself out when you feel better and rebuild your life with you and your baby.

MaryB123 Wed 22-Mar-17 10:29:50

Thx for your helpful words. It good to know that others also think my suspicions are right. Yes mummies boy indeed!

MaryB123 Wed 22-Mar-17 10:33:05

Thx for your helpful words. It good to know that others also think my suspicions are right. Yes mummies boy indeed!

Ineedacupofteadesperately Wed 22-Mar-17 10:51:27

MaryB - so sorry you are going through this. Having a child is hard - I also have a baby and it puts a strain on most relationships. Your ex is acting like a spoilt child himself, and has simply walked away when things got tough (as theydo for all new parents). I'd be wary of him and his family having unsupervised access to your DS if likely to badmouth you and as they've threatened to take your son. Can you talk to your health visitor or gp about this and get some help in RL? It is not remotely ok for his mother to be abusive towards you. I'd try and only communicate by email so you have a record....

Rattata Wed 22-Mar-17 11:24:27

Wow - he has behaved atrociously - how awful. I agree with Ineed a cup of tea his mother sounds a bully and a control freak you need some help about the access issue. His family have been very abusive - do not volunteer unfettered access. Is your ex on the birth certificate? I would get some legal advice and talk to the HV as suggested.

Are your family supportive? Would you consider moving to get away from this toxic situation?

MaryB123 Wed 22-Mar-17 12:04:42

I have gone to a solicitor as each week is wants more access, to take my child from the flat and for his parents to him. I've said no just offering 1-2 weekly supervised visits. In the end had to send a solicitor letter which he refuses to reply to. He asked for mediation which i agreed but I asked him to pay as on statutory maternity pay or wait until I return to work and he said no. He suggested I take out a credit card or loan. 🖕🏻each week he demands access and each week I have to ignore him and await the barrage of abusive texts saying I'm keeping him from his son.

May09Bump Wed 22-Mar-17 12:11:41

Move well away from this toxic mess - it's not going to end well and will effect your mental health too. Think about whether it's possible to transfer location with work. Do not engage with his mother or let her have access, as this could lead to legal contact issues with her.

Enjoy you baby and focus on your health.

Gingerbreadlass Wed 22-Mar-17 12:13:30

Hi MaryB, glad you found this thread. I though you might get more help on here than on your original post.

Your poor love, and also your little baby! Do you have support from your side of the family and friends?

Are access and care arrangements in place for your little one?

It is bang out of order for your his mother to berate you! Do not open the door to her again. What your partner did is a callous and spineless thing. Please lean on your Health Visitor or Midwife to find some baby groups for your and your son.

Your baby is presumably still being breast fed and I would not have him taken to someone else's house. I'm afraid it sounds as though one day they just wouldn't return him.

Please keep a diary and copies of the texts he sends. Is he on the birth certificate?

MaryB123 Wed 22-Mar-17 12:24:11

Thx gingerbreadlass. My friends and family have been amazing. We started having 1-2 weekly supervised contact with my mum but a) he just kept being abusive about me 2) he kept demanding more so have shut him down for now until it can be resolved legally. Have also banned his parents from having access for now. Sadly he is on the birth certificate - he planned it all along!

SandyY2K Wed 22-Mar-17 12:29:03

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for the situation you're in.

I suggest that while he thinks it's okay to harass you via text messages, you block his number and his family members and do not answer the phone to unknown numbers.

Get a cheap phone and let him know that number. You can switch it off regularly.

His mother is nothing more than a fool, and you should have told her to leave your home. How dare she come and talk to you like that. With a mother like that I'm not surprised he turned out to be what he is.

Quite frankly, if all he can do is be hostile towards you, I'd cease contact and he can go through the Court for access.

He can pay for the mediation and having a bully like him, I'm not sure mediation is the way forward.

Please keep a log of the abusive messages.

Keep a log of any other threats they make.

As you feel they are likely to want to take your son, I'd insist on supervised visitation or none.

Lets see if he will bother with court, as he won't even pay for mediation.

Unless the abusive messages stopped, none of them would be able to see him.

If you feel threatened, make a police report.

Is he on the birth certificate?

I hope your son has your surname too.

Please don't let them bully you.

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