Suspected Cheating Husband

[user1490090041]

Hey folks, i am new to mumsnet and new to pregnancy too. I am looking for a bit of guidance. I am 10 weeks pregnant and I found out a few days ago that my husband has been chatting to another women via whats app (sending pictures etc) - I saw this with my own eyes on his phone - call it women's intuition that I knew something wasn't quite right with his behavior. I confronted him about it and tried to tell me that it was a male friend - I saw the pictures and the message - this is not a male friend. I asked him to leave last night which he has done. I am now so scared of whats to come in the next 7 months... alone... first pregnancy, heart ache etc. He has problems with alcohol (as in he doesn't know when to stop drinks frequently) which makes him selfish and dismissive. He was over the moon when I told him we were pregnant - it wasn't planned but it was on the cards for this year - he was going to get help with alcohol first as that is where most of the problems came from. I am now so confused and scared... have I done the right thing, how am i going to cope, i dont think that I can ever trust him again, should I continue with the pregnancy.. so many thoughts are going through my head. Any help would be appreciated x

[ImperialBlether]

So he's a drunk and a cheat. I wouldn't want a relationship with him, OP. Whether you choose to continue with the pregnancy has to be your decision, but I doubt you'll get much help from a man like that.

[Hissy]

Keep him gone!

Let him sort himself out before you even have a conversation with him.

Ignore this advice at your (and your child's) peril.

You should never have risked getting pg with someone who's addicted to alcohol.

[TranquilityofSolitude]

Well done for getting him to leave, OP. That was brave and very wise. Whatever you decide about the pregnancy I am sure you have done the right thing.

[hellsbellsmelons]

You did absolutely the right thing getting him to leave.
You need to really think things through without him being in your space.

As for the pregnancy - only you can make that decision.
If you are considering a termination then get some advice sooner rather than later.
Get a GP appointment asap and talk through all the options.
Then take it from there.

Your head will be all over the place at the moment so it won't be an easy decision, what ever you decide to do.

Usually we advise time and no knee jerk reactions but at 10 weeks you just don't have that luxury.
Do you have a close non-judgmental friend you could talk to about all of this?
RL support is really important right now.

[TheNaze73]

Is your property unencumbered or do you have a joint mortgage?

[user1490090041]

Thank you for the the advise, its much appreciated. To answer some of you questions. The house is mine and I have never moved it into a joint mortgage... I was burned before on this front. I have spoken to a good friend who has seen this journey unfold since we got married 3 years ago (we have been together for 9) and she is has been my rock so far - very realistic in terms of advise. As for getting pregnant - sometime people use everything that they are meant to and it doesn't work. I went to the nurse this morning for an STI screening (I would be stupid not to), I am also going to seek advise from my GP surrounding the current situation. I am terrified either way - If I continue with the pregnancy - the prospect of being a single mum, no money, my parents are not around & connected to someone the rest of my life that has betrayed me is killing me from the inside. I dont know how he would react if I choose to end the pregnancy ( I am scared of his actions that would follow). However the head space over the last couple of days has done me good.

[Cricrichan]

He's chatting to a woman whilst you're pregnant with his child? Get rid of him and never look back. Only you can make the decision of termination.

[Cricrichan]

Don't consider him whether you keep or terminate the pregnancy - he lost any rights he had when he decided to start chatting to other women and gas put you in this predicament.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Don't worry about his reaction.
If you decide to terminate then do it on your own without him involved at all.
After that you can tell him you had a miscarriage.
It's worth the lie to keep him out of your life if that is what you choose to do.
Good luck OP.
I sincerely hope it all works out for you.
I'm sure it will.

[Hermonie2016]

Please get legal advice as well.The house in your name applies if the marriage is short and 3 years is just on the margin.

He could have some claim so get some advice.

Awful time for you but ime a drinker and cheat never get better only worse.
I left a drinker and never ever regretted it.