Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How can I let go of the friendship

(12 Posts)
JJRJ1002 Tue 21-Mar-17 06:41:55

5 years ago my best friend of 20 years shit on me from a massive height and then stopped talking to me. I was so devastated, I had lost my best friend who I loved dearly and I also lost my social life and a social circle of friends that I knew through her.
I was so upset about it crying every day for so long. The whole thing consumed my life.
It's only been recently that I felt like I had come to terms with it and felt stronger. But a few weeks ago I seen her and we chatted for a while, she kept on talking about her friends and loads of outings she had been on with friends, things she's done, places she's gone and it has left me back to how I felt 5 years ago, sad and missing her and also very angry that she didn't acknowledge what had happened and didn't feel like she should apologise. I don't want to feel like this again! How can I let this friendship and these feelings go?...forever

SouthernNorthernGirl Tue 21-Mar-17 07:01:56

I'm currently you, 20 years ago. It's a heart break right?

I'm sorry this is all coming back around for you. flowers

Cricrichan Tue 21-Mar-17 07:19:41

I don't understand why you lost your social circle because of her? What did she do/say?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Tue 21-Mar-17 07:23:27

That sounds rather insensitive of her - who goes on and on about all their friends and outings when you haven't seen some one for ages and especially when there's been a break down in the friendship. I may have misunderstood but it sounds a bit like she was trying to purposely upset you, to make you jealous and hurt.
The only way to recover from this is to put her firmly in the past, this friendship probably won't be recovered and to move on and make new friends. Build a new life for yourself and don't dwell on the past. Breakups in close friendships can be really painful but they come and go - you can move on from this.

noego Tue 21-Mar-17 07:36:29

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that, from what you say it seems she is all about the self. If she hadn't seen you in that time one would expect her to be asking how you were, how the kids were etc. Not bleating on about how she is and what she is doing. Sounds like you would be better off without her.

glitterglitters Tue 21-Mar-17 07:41:26

Looking at what she's said it seems to me like she was trying a bit too hard to tell you how "fabulousssss" her life is. Not to mention if your social circle became cut off because of this single individual, sadly they weren't particularly great friends.

I'm in a situation right now where I've been ostracised for being pregnant and am being purposely left out of events or only invited to big piss ups. The instigators are partners of my DH's best friends. I was really cut up about it but now I'm like "ya know what? Fuck it!" I've started reconnecting with old friends, getting out and meeting people at hobby groups etc and generally letting them know that what I think of their behaviour is 😝🖕🏼

You're better off got rid and not dwelling, easier said than done but direct your sadness and annoyance into sorting out something awesome to do 🙌🏼

Timeforteaplease Tue 21-Mar-17 08:55:59

What did she do 5 years ago?

0dfod Tue 21-Mar-17 09:03:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JJRJ1002 Tue 21-Mar-17 11:33:09

@SouthernNorthernGirl I'm so sorry you are experiencing this! It is so horrible to feel such heartbreak.

@0dfod that's exactly how it felt, like a bereavement. I went from seeing her a few times a week and speaking to her a number of times a day to nothing! And now it's all come flooding back since seeing her and talking to her.

Thank you to everyone for your words of encouragement.
It's so hard.
I felt 5 years ago that it was like our 20 year friendship meant totally nothing to her because she just stopped talking to me through no fault of my own, and now I feel that exact same way again, she didn't feel like she should mention the situation or apologise and seemed to be flaunting her life to me, like she wanted to make it clear that she hadn't missed me like I had her. and what makes it harder for me to accept is that her friends that she kept referring to are all people who had said EXACTLY the SAME thing I had in the situation that she stopped talking to me over. It's all just so hard to accept and come to terms with

SouthernNorthernGirl Tue 21-Mar-17 14:31:53

I'm currently you, 20 years ago. It's a heart break right?

My mistake, 5 years ago

JJRJ1002 Tue 21-Mar-17 14:48:03

Don't worry @SouthernNorthernGirl I knew what u meant flowers

SouthernNorthernGirl Tue 21-Mar-17 15:32:57

It is hard. However, people will do what they want. It takes somethings like this to realise it. What you can control though, is what you want to do about this.

Doesn't make it any easier, I know.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: