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I'm not attracted to my husband anymore

(12 Posts)
Belleandchip Tue 21-Mar-17 03:58:10

Hi all this is my first post. I have been with my DH for 13 years and we have been married for 9 years this year. We got together when I was 17 and he's the only sexual partner I have had. I have had a low sex drive for years and it's got worse since my LO was born 4 years ago. I really love my DH but I'm just not attracted to him anymore and I find it hard to have sex with him. When we do have sex I do tend to enjoy it most of the time but never seem to want it. I feel really awful but he knows how I feel he knows I'm not attracted to him anymore and he knows I still love him. What can I do? Does anyone feel the same about their DH?

TheStoic Tue 21-Mar-17 04:45:59

I did, and now we are divorced.

I still love him like a best friend, but that wasn't enough for me and it was very cruel to him.

Do you ever feel sexually attracted to anyone else? Either people you know, or people you've seen from afar?

Belleandchip Tue 21-Mar-17 07:35:58

Yes I would say I am attracted other people. We have talked about separating but he says he wants to stay together as he still loves me and finds me attractive. I am hoping we can get through this and stay together. He has put a lot of weight on in the last few years, but he has promised me he is going to make an effort this year to loose the weight. I'm hoping that till make a big difference and I will be attracted to him again.

SandyY2K Tue 21-Mar-17 07:47:14

Is the loss of attraction only due to his weight gain?

If so, do you think him losing the weight would bring the attraction back?

highinthesky Tue 21-Mar-17 07:53:34

OP, cast your mind back to what it is that made you fall for your DH in the first place. You need to be able to find this in him again, somehow, if your feelings towards him are going to change for the better.

lulalullabye Tue 21-Mar-17 07:55:19

Like earlier poster, yes and now separated. I don't think any kind of counseling will make it better.

TheNaze73 Tue 21-Mar-17 07:55:47

There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. I don't think it's superficial to be unattracted to someone because of a change in their circumstances. I couldn't be with anyone I didn't fancy the arse off of.

Belleandchip Tue 21-Mar-17 14:24:10

I don't want to leave him, I do really love him and want to make it work. We have a 4 year old through IVF which was a emotional time for us both over 4 years. I'm just wondering if anyone feels the same about their partner?

Vagabond Tue 21-Mar-17 14:41:14

Golly, poor you. I think IVF is so draining. It's so hard on a couple.

Do you find yourself drinking to want to have sex with him, or him getting you to "party" so you'll feel like it? That can often happen.

I personally think that if you don't feel it, you don't feel it. I think attraction is really important in a relationship because it helps you to get over the stuff that drives you mad.

deadringer Tue 21-Mar-17 16:39:18

I am not really attracted to my dh either, i am not sure if i ever was, but i still enjoy having sex with him. Is that weird? We have been together a long time and we know what works for each other but i don't think i ever had a physical reaction just looking at him iykwim. Op it sounds like you have been through a lot maybe its just a case of you getting your mojo back. Sorry i am not more helpful but just wanted to share my experience.

Belleandchip Tue 21-Mar-17 18:57:57

Thank you it's nice to know I'm not the only one who isn't attracted to their dh and is still with them. No I don't drink so that doesn't happen.

Dadaist Fri 24-Mar-17 00:25:58

If you're still watching OP - perhaps this might help? He also needs to lose weight and take a bit more pride in himself possibly - but you've been through a lot and it can affect intimacy in lots of ways.

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