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DH'S repeated inability to read a situation

(108 Posts)
lenorloo Mon 20-Mar-17 19:37:36

You work in the morning; you collect DCS from nursery just after lunch time, you get home, clear up the dishes from breakfast, take them to walk the dogs, arrive home and play for an hour, then it's time to get dinner ready.
you have already emailed DH during the morning to explain that you have an appointment at 5.30pm so need to get dinner on the table for 5pm. DH replies that it's fine and that he will be home by 4.45 anyway.

DH arrives home just after 4.30, DCS are squabbling and wanting attention, you are juggling pans of vegetables in a stressful effort to serve dinner before you needbto leave.
What would your DH do? (And what SHOULD your DH do in an ideal world?!!)

fusspot66 Mon 20-Mar-17 19:42:13

Well obviously he should sit down, put his feet up and wait nicely for dinner. After all, he's been at work all day.

BToperator Mon 20-Mar-17 19:45:06

I'd expect some help with either DC's or dinner, but then I would have asked for it. What did he do?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 20-Mar-17 19:45:58

He should leave immediately and go down the pub.

You should post on FB with a cryptic status.

Hulder Mon 20-Mar-17 19:46:36

He should give you a hug, tell the DCs to be quiet for a second and then ask you what he can do to be helpful.

Mine would prob do hug, stand in the way in the kitchen but if I then said we've got 5 minutes, I need you to do x, y and z, he'd do it. Thinking of x,y and z by himself would be beyond him.

welshmist Mon 20-Mar-17 19:46:57

You have to ask them nicely the first time to keep an eye on things, the third time you can shout and swear. grin

oleoleoleole Mon 20-Mar-17 19:49:00

Mine wouldn't expect me to cook first, he'd come in and do that and feed DC. He's a keeper 😉

Emphasise Mon 20-Mar-17 19:49:08

Mine would go for the shower he really needs when he gets in from work and be at the table at 5pm as arranged

Emphasise Mon 20-Mar-17 19:50:03

If I wanted him to do anything different I'd say so

sooperdooper Mon 20-Mar-17 19:53:54

Either take over dinner or take the kids out of your way, but why didn't you just ask rather than clearly knowing what you want and not having said?

lenorloo Mon 20-Mar-17 20:00:15

How do you know I didn't ask him to do x, y and z when he came through the door?

BToperator Mon 20-Mar-17 20:03:33

We don't, but you were complaining about his inability to read a situation, which suggests you hadn't asked directly for help.

Emphasise Mon 20-Mar-17 20:05:26

It must be exhausting having to "read a situation" every time you get home.

BantyCustards Mon 20-Mar-17 20:05:36

He would completely miss the fact that I'm trying to do dinner, stop the children squabbling etc etc and go for a 45 minute shit, or bugger off out to the garage, or chat with the neighbour's unless I became a grumpy cow at which point I would be treated like a nag, told I'm intolerable/abusive etc etc

He's my ex

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland Mon 20-Mar-17 20:07:48

DH would be under my feet in the kitchen getting a drink - but he'd offer to get me one.

Kr1stina Mon 20-Mar-17 20:07:52

My kids father would go on his computer

He's my ex

GreenPeppers Mon 20-Mar-17 20:11:22

Seeing that you have very ylung dc, atbthat age, he would have been handed over the young child with a 'please look after him' and he would t have been pleased at all.

Nowdays, after much grumbles and shouting on my part educating, he would deal with the dcs, intervene with the squabbling and ask what he could do for the dinner. He would even take over so that I had time to get ready if I needed to.

lenorloo Mon 20-Mar-17 20:12:32

This is what happened and what happens regularly. I then lose my shit and feel like the twat:
He comes in and gives me a lovely hug.
Then says
"I know it's a bad time but I really need to tell you about my day....."
1 DC is now tantruming.
The story goes on and on and on, I try to listen and cook at the same time whilst DC1 continues shouting, I then tell DH that I really need some help putting dinner out.

DH says "can we have mint sauce? I know, I'll make the mint sauce. "
He gets in my way faffing around with mint sauce whilst I continue trying to plate up dinner. I was never going to serve mint sauce as there isn't time to faff around.
I ask him for "proper" help "stop faffing around please and help me."
He finally starts to help, but then asks " can I just tell you another story about today?"
I reply "FOR HEAVENSAKE SHUT UP"
I look at the clock. It's 5.20pm and I have to leave. I tell DH that this is ridiculous, throw the dish cloth on the floor leave and slam the door behind me.

I am the only adult in the house able to work to/keep to times without getting completely side tracked. I try to listen to DH when he asks as it's one thing I ask of him, but his timing is always shit. He always does this when I have my hands full preparing dinner and dealing with children. He just can't seem to read the situation at all!

TedEriksen Mon 20-Mar-17 20:13:55

Jesus, that sounds pretty tiresome after a day at work.

outabout Mon 20-Mar-17 20:14:04

He should ask which of the 2 obvious activities you need most help with and if there is anything else you need to have done before you go out. (choose shoes, coat, restack handbag, brush hair, find car keys, put washing on etc.)
The situations may be quite obvious but YOUR chosen priority may not be his from the 2 (or more) presented.

mumonashoestring Mon 20-Mar-17 20:15:04

More likely to be roles reversed here, but DH would possibly go to the loo but would then ask what I needed him to do - I'd either ask him to child-wrangle or finish dinner prep.

TheQueenSnortsAvocados Mon 20-Mar-17 20:15:24

He would probably sit down until approximately three minutes before dinner was ready, then stand in the kitchen doorway asking if I needed help whilst blocking it.

lenorloo Mon 20-Mar-17 20:15:39

Lol at the "45 minute shit" bantycustards! This was the next thing he did after I returned from my appointment!

DorotheaHomeAlone Mon 20-Mar-17 20:15:55

Oh yep. That would make me exasperated, too. Are the bad guy now for not listening to his story? Argh. Poor you.

sonlypuppyfat Mon 20-Mar-17 20:17:39

Does he tell a good story

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